Almost To Happy (Part I)

So much time has passed since my last blog entry. It has been the better part of a year, to be exact. I have certainly looked back here from time to time-perhaps looking for clues as to where my next steps should lead. However, no insight was ever found and the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. Days, weeks and months of silence.

Silence. What a precious commodity that is in the life of a busy single mother. A single mother. That is certainly a moniker I never dreamed I'd have. I always knew I would be a wife and prayed I would be a mother, but a single mother? Nope, that was never something I would have imagined for my life. But here I am in the midst of my insanely real, insanely chaotic, and yet, insanely blessed life.

In the midst of my many struggles over the last year, the one thing that has been constant during my state of constant change has been the presence of God. Some days He revealed His presence to me in very real, very intimate ways. On other days, He stayed in the background, fully aware that this slightly broken creation of His was not in a position to receive lessons He needed to teach. But through it all, I look back at various moments in time and notice His fingerprints left at every scene.

That is a comforting thing, you know? I mean, I so often feel that I am out here all alone. The people I once looked to as the innermost of my inner circle have all left me to walk out this life by myself. I know that I am not alone and should use those times to draw closer to God. Sometimes I do. Sometimes. But not all the time, and I am ashamed to admit it.