Almost To Happy (Part II)

Several weeks ago, my daughters brought home personal data forms that gave the opportunity to update parent and emergency contact information. The forms were last completed during their pre-k year. It hit me pretty hard when I realized that very little remained the same from just the previous school year. We had moved and had changes in both parent information, and BOTH of my children's emergency contacts had gone home to the be with the Lord. I know you knew about my mother, but my Aunt Marion also left me a few months ago. She left me, and that cut me to the quick. Never have I felt as alone as I do right now. There was no one to call when I have a problem or need backup childcare or money for an emergency. There was no one else left for me to share those thoughts and ideas that I never feel free enough to share with others. Over the course of one school year, I had seen the death of a marriage and the death of a mother's love times two. What a wilderness place to find yourself in!

When my aunt died, I found myself asking God why He would allow me to be left all alone with no one who truly loved me or understood me or even cared enough to know that there was a part of me behind this seemingly strong exterior that had cried a thousand tears and died a thousand deaths. And, just like a faithful friend, He reached for my hand and touched my heart.

Trust me even when you cannot trace me.

I certainly wanted to, but if you know me really well, then you know that is one area that I struggle with. Trust. Such a small word with huge potential ramifications when trust is misplaced. Yet, here I was being challenged to step out of my comfort zone and into this wilderness place not knowing what or where or when or who... or why. And whenever I inquired, the answer was the same.

Trust me even when you cannot trace me.

It was not until the night before my aunt's memorial service that I really think I caught on to what the Lord was doing. As I looked over the lives of both my mom and my aunt, I realized that they had served their purposes on Earth. Good, bad or indifferent, they had fulfilled the tasks they were set out to do, and it was time. One thing I am learning is that, sometimes, God has to move people and things out of the way so that we are free to step into our respective destinies. Sometimes, we are not able to be all that He called us to be because we become comfortable basking in the glory of other people's light when God really wants to call us forth to shine our own light on this world.