New Normal?

Clearly, I have lived a charmed life. I talked to an acquaintance today and listened as she told me about an issue she was going through with a certain person in her life. As she replayed (ad nauseam) her current situation, I couldn't help but think that she assumed the chaotic, dysfunctional relationship she was in was normal. Have I just lived such a sheltered life to the point where physical and emotional abuse, lying, cheating and drug usage were normal events occurring in life? Now, don't get me wrong. I have a close family member who battles addictive behaviors, repeated incarceration, and all manner of foolishness; but in my mind, my loved one's situation is not at all what I would consider normal.

As I gave it a little more thought, I asked myself just what normal is anyway. I had always considered the term 'normal' to mean something that follows traditional societal norms. But is it more subjective than that? Perhaps, to some people, those events in their lives really are normal because they follow along the general norms within their established communities. So maybe this acquaintance of mine sees me and my life as something abnormal. Interesting thought. That said, however, my 'normal' works for me, and I would certainly not change it to fit anyone else's definition.

Summer School

Today is the first day of summer school. I am excited to get started and see if I can make a difference in the short amount of time I will have with these students. From the looks of it, I will have a class of all boys! That should be interesting! If they are really crazy, then the bright side will be that it will amount to about 10 instructional days before they have to retake the STAAR test. I am praying that my new babies will make it over the hump. Lord knows, they must be completely stressed out by now, with the thought of possible retention looming over their heads. One thing is for sure; I am going to bring my A game and do the thing I do best. I am praying they bring their A games too!

Today has been a down day for me. That is all...

Highs and Lows

Life is a series of ebbs and flows. I woke up and received some news that really made my day! A friend and I were going to connect today and just spend some one on one time hanging out and fellowshipping. This friend is fairly new, but there is just "something" there that lets you know that the two paths were destined to cross for some reason. At any rate, as the day progressed, a comedy of errors ensued and, in the end, we never got a chance to connect. I really had looked forward to this meeting, so I was very disappointed when the opportunity to meet was lost for today. Sure, meetings get canceled, people forget, life gets hectic. As a result, plans change. It happens all the time. Why did this feel so different for me? Then I realized what had happened. It was that word disappointment. It signifies an emotion that I allowed to rule my life for a long time.

For many years, I kept myself guarded against others. Actually, I had set up a series of almost insurmountable walls around myself to keep others out of that very personal space within me where I was laid bare. The flaws and all would show, and I feared that people would use that knowledge against me and wound me. I somehow convinced myself to believe that it was just easier to keep people out altogether than to give someone an opportunity to disappoint- and possibly reject- me.

I am so happy that God does not think like that. How many times have we missed the mark, made mistakes, failed to show up for appointments, or just ignored Him altogether? Yet in the midst of our mess ups, He recognizes us as the broken creatures we really are and forgives us. Then He waits patiently for us to return to Him so that He may join us in fellowship. As unworthy as we are-and we are truly unworthy- He loves us where we are and accepts us just as we are. Flaws and all, He looks at us in our human condition, yet sees us perfected in Him.

Sidelined by a single-serve glass of wine

I woke up with a migraine this morning. Although I do suffer with headaches at times, it is rare that I get all the way to a full on migraine. Usually, I am able to stop it at the onset, but it started while I was sleeping. As a result, I had to pull out the major meds.

During this ordeal, a few key things happened. 1) A friend called and asked- out of the blue- what my kids may want for breakfast because she was coming this way; 2) My daughter learned that I had a headache and came in periodically and just laid hands on me and prayed quietly; 3) A new friend offered to come over and take care of me. Now, none of this may seem like a big deal, but I love how the Lord remembers us, particularly in times of suffering, and sends people alongside to help and comfort us.

As far as the headache goes, the only thing I did differently yesterday was to try one of those single serve glasses of wine. Clearly not one of my best ideas. I should probably stick to buying bottles of wine from vintners I know about and just risk much of it going to waste from disuse. Surely, the few bucks I may waste far outweighs the excruciating pain and the loss of an entire day as a result of migraine pain.

Lesson learned: Never drink cheap wine! LOL

Packing up

Well, today is my last mandatory workday for the school year (although summer school starts next week). All of my paperwork is complete, and all that is left of this school year is to pack away this year's memories and start preparing for a fresh crop of rambunctious, blank canvasses upon whose futures I get to make my mark.

Being a teacher carries tremendous responsibility. We have the power to influence and impact an entire generation and, ultimately, a nation. As I reflect on this year, I find myself wondering if I did everything I could have, or whether or not I said all that I should have. Then I wonder what I could or should have done better or more of in terms of academics. I already know that I will be spending much of my summer working on increasing rigor in the classroom, improving interventions, and thinking about better ways to reach parents. Heck, I am thinking about it today.

I guess there is something to be said about finding that thing you are passionate about...

Moving On...

Today was bittersweet. After what could only be described as an insanely challenging year, my fifth graders finally graduated and moved on to middle school. I'll be honest though. I was not so sure that either they or I would make it to the finish line; but somehow we made it.

At the end of each year, there is a tradition in which the teachers sing a song to send the children off. Honestly, other than "Hit the Road, Jack," I did not want to sing anything to this group of students. They worked my nerves in pretty much every way possible. However, my principal was not having it. So off to looking for songs our music teacher and I went. As we listened to one in particular, the lyrics, the tempo, the energy all seemed to describe them perfectly. I learned the song and actually found myself excited to sing it to them. (By the way, it was "Crazy Dreams" by Carrie Underwood.)

In the minutes leading up to their final walk of the halls, I took a moment to really look at each of the young minds I helped to mold. I recalled each child's golden moments and maybe a few not-so golden ones. Then I imagined them off into the world being tomorrow's movers and shakers; and, for the first time, I realized that the thought of these beautiful faces one day being control of the world did not frighten me. After all, these were my babies and they were going to do BIG things one day. I smiled to myself, and one child asked me what I was thinking. I told them, "I am thinking about your future and praying that you know just how proud I am to be your teacher."

After graduation, we had a reception where students and parents were able to mingle and say their summer goodbyes. A huge crowd gathered around me as parents and children waited to talk to and take pictures with me. It does something to your heart to have a parent of a particularly challenging student come up and tell you that their child talks about you every day and cried at the thought of leaving you. Or to have another one say that they waiting in that mile-long line to reach me because there was just no way their child would allow them to leave without getting a final hug or to take a final picture with "their" teacher. My undoing was when one of my newcomers who showed up at school speaking zero English, posed for a picture. Then, in the best English she could muster said, "Ms. C, I love you so much. Thank you for believing in me."

Wow. Just wow. I could go on and on about moments like these, but I won't. I can't. Not today. Right now, I am just going to reflect and smile.