Just Eeewwwww....

Yesterday was torturous. I awoke from a nap to a terrible sinus headache. Although it was not a migraine, the pain partnered with the slight dizziness from inner ear pressure had me close to the point of being violently ill. I went to the medicine cabinet for pain medication and discovered that I was out! (How do these things happen to me??!!) I knew I would not be able to take it for much longer, so I loaded up the kiddos and headed to the nearest store. While looking at the different pain relief options, I was approached by a man clearly into his fifties or more. I respect my elders, so I answered with as much politeness as my pain-consumed mind would allow. My politeness, however, quickly turned to coldness and then to anger.

Man: Hey, Pretty Lady. I just wanted to tell you that your hair is beautiful.
Me (remembering that I had flat-ironed it the previous day): Oh, thank you so much.
Man: You are very pretty.
Me (warily): Thank you.
Man: Yes, very pretty. I would love to take you out sometime.
Me (now completely agitated as I pointedly look at his wedding ring): Take me out? Really? So is your wife coming too?
Man: Ah, no. My wife knows how much I love women.
Me: Aw, Lawd, I can't. Sir, get the hell away from me.

What the what?!! Why do I get the pleasure of meeting all the deviants, the old ho's and the wanna-be playa-playa's? Do I have a sign that says "All applications accepted"? I wanted to blog about this last night, but I just had no words other than "Eeewwwww," and "Whyyyyy?"

That experience gives rise to a few other topics that I would like to discuss:
1.) Why do women stay in long-term relationships with serial cheaters (and vice-versa)?
2.) The signs that a man (or woman) is DWA Dating While Attached;
3.) Games men and women play in dating;
4.) Guarding one's heart without putting up insurmountable walls.

I'm sure there will be many more topics to come as a result of these, so be on the lookout for them this week; and be sure to comment because these are dialogues that really need to take place.

Have a terrific Tuesday, Loves!

Checking in...

A very dear friend checked in with me last night and noted that I had been very distant lately. There is nothing in particular going on. I have just been going through a period of inner reflection. To be honest, I did not even realize that I had turned off contact with much of the outside world. I felt awful when I really thought about it because I realized that I really had not talked to my friend in some time.

Charge it to my head and not my heart.

I am going through a state of change right now, and I really just have not had a lot to say. That is not to say that God has not been present and that He is not working in my life because He has been and He is. I even went out on a date the other day! (Yes, it was very nice.) However, I am just not ready to share those things right now. Part of the reason is that I am not even sure of the whats and wheres of everything myself right now. I am just taking it day by day, minute by minute, trying to intentionally live in each of the moments God blesses me with.

So if I am quiet for a minute, bear with me. If you know me well, then you also know that my quiet periods don't last very long, and I have LOTS to say!

Have a fabulous Monday, Loves!

On your mark, Get set...

For once, it seems, I am at a loss for words. Well, kinda.

No, nothing has happened. I just woke up with very little to discuss this morning. Today is my official day one of my journey, and it has already been modified. One thing was that I was supposed to have my FB account deactivated by today. Weird, but at the 11th hour, I received a friend request from someone very dear to me who is currently overseas. Because of the time difference, we have not had a chance to message, but it would be so much easier (and cheaper) to keep in touch through a social media site such as FB as opposed to calling and emailing back and forth. Gaaaah. So it looks like that monster has to stay in place for now until I can figure something else out. :(

My weekend was so nice! Aside from receiving some disturbing news the other day, life has been really good! I think I laughed and smiled for most of the last 3-4 days, and I got a chance to spend quality time with someone very special to me. It is amazing just how good life can be when you lay aside the things that constantly wear and tear you down. I am finally beginning to make time for living, and it sure feels nice! It's funny how life-affirming and life-changing something simple can be once it clicks for us.

And you know what? True happiness is not about finding a mate or being the best at things no one remembers, or even losing that last 10, 20, or however many pounds. It is about taking this sliver of space and time God has granted us and making the choice to ride it until the wheels fall off. Along the way, something interesting happens. You find that you become more attractive to a whole lot more people. Why? Because, like a moth to a flame, people are attracted to happy, confident people who know how to live. So let's get to living.

On your mark, get set, GO!

Everything Must Change

According to Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, "The only thing constant is change."

I am currently going through a period of renewal in my life. In order to truly do this, I am going to have to make some much-needed changes. I walked through every room of my apartment this morning and saw just how cluttered my physical space is. It is not dirty or anything; there is just too much stuff. Then I thought about my sleep patterns (or lack thereof) and realized that I am mentally cluttered as well. In short, I have so many things going on that I am not doing ANY of them as well as I could. Soooo...

Time to get rid of the excess "stuff" in my life to actually make room for the blessings headed my way!

I have a plan that is beginning to shape up nicely. The first thing I have done is deactivated dating site accounts. I will be letting go of all social media (except for this blog) by July 1 as well. I just do not have time for all of that. I love my friends and extended friendships dearly, but those who are really important know my number and email addresses. I also plan to commit to a workable schedule that makes sense. I need to go to bed at a decent hour and get proper rest. As part of that schedule, I need to spend quiet time alone with The Lord, commit at least an hour each day for working out, and spend more time cooking healthy meals. with us always on the go, we are eating far too much by way of processed, high-fat, crappy foods. The short of it is that I, simply, need to guard and be much more selfish about my time. Lord knows, if I do not respect my time, no one else will have respect for it either!

Anyway, this list is just a start. I do not want to lay all of the specifics out on Blogger at this time, and things will become even clearer as I get underway. I don't know what it is, but I feel that there is something FAR bigger for me at the end of this process.

See you on the journey!

Lessons hard learned...

NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION IN THEIRS!

I woke up thinking about someone I know. As hard as it is to admit sometimes, not everyone is going to think about/feel for/act toward us as we think they should. It could just be that they are just not that into you. One thing I have learned from having a couple of guy best friends in my younger days (Thanks, LA and Rodney!) is that, if a man is truly interested in being with you, he will move the stars, if possible, to let you know it. You will never have to wonder, try to figure it out, or chase him for the answer or the proof, etc. He will be quick to show it through his words AND his actions. Period. Point blank. End of story.

If a potential love interest's words and the actions do not agree, then stop allowing them to take up rent-free space in your head and heart. Seriously. It will sting for a minute, but that is FAR better than simmering on someone else's back burner. The truth is actually one of only a handful of things: 1) They are not looking for the same kind of relationship that you are; 2) They ARE looking for the same kind of relationship, just not with YOU; or 3) They want to keep you on the back burner in case they do not find the "something better" they are obviously looking for. None of those options are good enough for someone as fabulous, smart, blessed, and worthy as you. So, seriously, shake the dust off, pick your face up, and Keep.It.Moving. In truth, God has someone who WILL attempt to move the stars... just for you!

That was my public service announcement for the day. You are now free to move about the country! ;)

Have a great day, Loves!

Workin' it out!

I got out and about today. I took care of my business, and I even did some things I normally would not do! Little Miss Responsible has finally learned that life is too short not to live. So here's to the first day of the rest of my life (raising my glass for a toast). Your girl is workin' it today! I'm looking good (if the approving looks and the passes I got today are any indication), and I am feeling more alive than I have in years. That pep in my step is here to stay. I pray your Thursday was as great as mine! If not, my prayer is that you, too, will soon find your groove.

Love you guys, but I've got to bounce. Places to go and things to do...

Oh, let me leave you with a little something-something that I am currently listening to. Stevie Wonder- I Wish.

Vacation!!!

Today is my first day of summer vacation. I don't know about you, but I feel as if I have been beaten with a stick. This last school year was rough, and summer school was a wild ride, but now I officially have time to relax, relate, and release!

Woosahhhh.

I woke up this morning all about business: checking on my money, writing out the bills, making plans, moving funds around, paying bills, and deciding what I would like to do with my life for the next 50 days. (Yes, I counted!) I then took stock of my life, my relationships, and my goals. I realized that I still have a few relationships that need to be severed once and for all, as they are more toxic and stressful than edifying. I looked at the potential love department and originally thought about things that I could do better, more of, less of, etc. to make that area more productive. Then a thought came to me.

Who has time for worry and stress? If I just continue to be the best ME that I can be and serve the Lord, then He will send the one who is good TO me and good FOR me; and there will be no stress and sorrow added to the blessing.

So, hit it, Mary! Here is my theme song for the day: Just Fine by Mary J. Blige

My latter will be greater... (Job 8:7)

I sought the Lord today about several things, one being the potential of a meaningful romantic relationship in my life. The Lord spoke to my spirit in great detail about some questions I had, and He spoke a word over my life that caused goosebumps to raise all over me.

There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The truth is that some people are just not called to fit into God's long-term plans for us. Perhaps they are there to teach us a lesson. Maybe that heartbreak was intended to be the catalyst that gets us moving in the right direction. Perhaps that person you thought just might be the one was really sent to renew the hope of something better and to get you to open your heart to receive the one God really has planned for your life. Just maybe that boss who seems to block your elevation at work has kept you from headache, stress, and a future that is all wrong for you. I am completely at peace with all of the answers that God gave me to the questions I had. Not all of them were ones I wanted to hear, but thank goodness that He does not operate according to OUR wishes!

Throughout our time together, I kept hearing, Your latter will be greater. Just trust Me and receive Me, and I will do some things that will blow your mind; things that will leave people scratching their heads in the natural realm. Trust and receive and I will show you that your latter days will be greater than your entire life before.

Wow. Just wow. I still have goosebumps even now. What God has for me is for me, and I want it. I receive it. My prayer is that you seek the Lord today and receive a word for yourself. You, too, can experience the greatest days of your life ahead. If God has a blessing for me, then He certainly is a big enough God to have one just for you.

I love you, and I pray all God's blessings over your life. In the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Right on time

I am very private with my troubles. In fact, there can be a friend who talks to me every day and still have no clue that I am going through something. At any rate, I have been in a really crazy position financially and, to be honest, I did not know how we were going to make it. I suffered a really severe allergy attack last night, complete with my face swelling. I took a dose of Benadryl and got somewhat better. I later told my symptoms to a neighbor who advised me to go to urgent care to get an allergy shot. The problem was that if I went to urgent care, I would not have had money left to meet any of my and my girls' needs should an emergency crop up. Although we were in a temporary bind, I never doubted though. After all, the Lord has sustained us through EVERY crazy time. I just thought, "Lord, You're going to have to move for me because I have nothing else that I can do."

And He did just that.

The sight of the mail truck caught my attention and I remembered that I had not checked my mail in a several days. To my surprise, there, in my mailbox, was a CHECK! Look at God! I returned to the car and burst into tears and started praising Him. My girls were concerned, and I explained that I was just overcome with happiness because there was a check in the mail. Kalyn said, "Mom, you only had a little money left and God took care of us." Yes, indeed He did. As usual, my daddy made sure that His daughters were alright.

Seriously, who wouldn't serve a God like this?

Dating 2013

Fast forward to 2013.

Here I stand as a divorced, single mother trying to navigate my way through the dating waters. I have to admit that the process is not inspiring much confidence at this point. Because I have been severely lacking in time and opportunity to get out and meet people the 'regular' way, I have opened up to online dating. To call it interesting is definitely an understatement.

Online dating has its positive and negative points. For example, it is, in my opinion, a great way to take your time and really learn how a person thinks. Since there is no actual face-to-face interaction in the early stages, you become forced to actually communicate. However, because there is no face-to-face interaction initially, you are not able to see their body language to determine if the words that are being typed really matches up with how they are feeling. Consequently, it is much easier for someone to be on the computer saying any and everything about who they are, how they feel, and what their goals are. If insincere, the chances of feeling frustrated once the actual meeting takes place is drastically increased because you feel as if you wasted so much time and energy on someone who was not the person you thought they were. In short, online dating is just as hard as dating offline. In both instances, a good relationship with God is paramount because discernment is crucial for weeding out those who are not genuine.

Add to the mix being a Christian woman dating, and it becomes a mess. In my experience, when you tell people that you are Christian and dating, one of two things happen: 1. They immediately assume that you must be boring or a prude. I had one person tell me that he was afraid to flirt with me because he saw me as a Mother Teresa type. Really, dude? Or 2. They want to "test" my Christianity by attempting to talk under my clothes. I think I have been approached by pretty much every type of sexual deviant you can think of! LOL. Don't get me wrong. I am BY FAR not a prude, but some of the people out there have taken things waaay to the next dimension!

So far, trying to reenter the dating world has not been a very successful endeavor for me. I have met some really nice men who I could see forging lifelong friendships with, but there have been no real sparks. I am hopeful, though, that God has the person He has ordained just for me that does not require settling.

I will keep you updated with any new developments...

Inside Out, Part II

Me: Yes?!!! What do you mean, 'Yes'? You are seriously trying to kill me?
Him: You said, "More of You and less of me, God." More of Me means getting rid of you.
Me: So you mean I will have NO life?
Him: More of Me means less of you. You choose your life.

Let me stop here to say that I was still a fairly new Christian at the time. Yes, I went to the occasional service growing up, and I attended catechism classes, but I was never really encouraged to read the Bible for myself or to develop a relationship with God for myself until I went into the Army and saw some new things. So there in Leesville, LA, I had a choice to make. I'd like to say I completely sold out to God and have been serving Him faithfully ever since. That would be a lie, though. The truth is, I did gain more of the Lord. Much more; but I also chose to keep some of the "me" He was willing to remove. In the end, I settled for a relationship with a man that was less than God's best for me. I know this because, although we both appeared to be serving the Lord, the commitment did not last. Instead, within several months, I began to see my new husband's violent side and knew that it was just a matter of time before the verbal and emotional abuse I suffered would turn physical. Thankfully, when I prayed for an out, the Lord provided me with one, and I was able to break free.

However, how different could my life have been had I truly trusted God and waited for Him to complete the work He started in me the first time?

I wish I could say I totally sold out for God even after the wedding debacle. Oh, I had periods where I was on fire for the Lord, serving Him with gladness and really growing in Him by leaps and bounds. I sang for the Lord, I worked with God's children, I had a robust prayer life. However, I still continued to have one foot in Heaven and the other in the world. In fact, I often sought my own way and, before too many years had passed, found myself back in a situation where I again settled for "good enough." But then again, there should have been no surprise there because I did not choose the BEST CHOICE as my first choice in the first place.

Fast forward to 2013.

Pt III tomorrow...

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

Author's Note: This is an entry from a few years ago that was never published. I do not even know why I did not publish it at the time, but it is still relevant. Just a reminder to my sisters (and to myself) to never settle for less than God's best. Love you.

I am going to need my sisters to stop settling for a man for the sake of being able to say you have a man. If you're my friend, then I know there is something of quality about you. I don't make it a habit to run around with people who aren't about anything. So, knowing that about you, I know you have qualities in you that make you worthy of God's (and a man's) best.

Why am I going there today, you ask?

Well, I recently reconnected with a friend who is still unmarried. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not one to push marriage on anyone. I know it is not for everyone. However, this friend really wants to be married one day. She longs for a great marriage with a man who is her equal... or at least complementary. The problem is that this smart, beautiful, successful woman has run into more than her fair share of broke, busted, disgusted, lying, trifling, and philandering men. Well, at the very least, they have been all wrong for her.

Now, I know your first thought is this: If she is as put together as I say, then why is she still being drawn to these types of men? Well, I DON'T KNOW! This sista is at the top of her game professionally. She is also a published author who loves the Lord and has her credit and her money right, in addition to countless other good qualities. So what is the REAL problem? Why, then, is she still putting up with somesuch nonsense?

As we talked about her latest relationship, something that she said really struck me. She said, "Girl, I am tired. I don't want to have to learn another birthday, another middle name, meet another mama, or meet another group of friends. God may actually have the person who is right for me on a plane at this moment, and we may bump into each other at the grocery store and we'll know we've finally found "the one" and be married and making babies in a year. But I am tired. I just want God to make THIS one right."

O-O-O-kay! Starting point. Yes, I know this young lady is tired- of her propensity toward trifling, lying, deceptive men. I would be tired as well. SO, what do we do when we get tired? We make changes!

This lady has been in some long-term relationships with men she has known for many, many years. But what I think she has failed to do is really look at them. Length of time knowing someone does not necessarily correlate to the depth of friendships. (I can't take the credit for that one. Those were her words). Any woman in this situation needs to ask herself, "In all of the years I have known this man, what has he shown me about his character?" Seriously. We tend to let our real selves hang out when we are around friends we are not in a relationship with. Girls, if you saw him tipping, slipping, and acting a fool with some other woman, please know that he has shown you his true self. Has he shown that he cannot manage his money? Red flag! Have you seen incidences as his friend when he has proven to be unreliable? Red flag! Ladies, that does not change just because you are the new flavor of the month. Don't for a moment think that the juncture of your thighs will make him change his ways. That is a dime a dozen. So, what REALLY is different about you?

Sisters, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship up front. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare him off. If he is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all, and end all.

Look at it this way: If you are a man's missing rib, shouldn't the pieces fit together correctly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

I received a message from a person from my past. Apparently, he has been reflecting on his life lately and thought it would be a good idea to call and make amends for past mistakes. I get that, and I was, on some level, glad to give him the forgiving word he obviously needed in order to move into the next level he was seeking in life. Since I did not know him well anymore, I gave him the Google Voice number that I give to casual acquaintances. During the course of catching up, he asked me about my relationship status. I did not think too much of the question because it seems to be standard when catching up with people from the past. I told him that I was divorced and currently going through a period of renewal, and he told me that he was in a somewhat complicated relationship with a woman with whom he had two children. However, after a few more minutes of talking, he mentioned that he was coming to town because he was considering moving back (not happy with his current situation), and he wanted to know if I was willing to meet for dinner and drinks. When I hesitated in responding, he launched into an explanation which included him telling me that he had thought about me nonstop for the last several months and wanted to contact me many times, that I was the only woman that he has really ever loved, yadda yadda yadda... Interspersed in there somewhere was him telling me everything wrong he could possibly think of about the girlfriend/baby mama/friend with benefits chick he was with.

What the what?!!! Pump the damn doggone brakes!

Needless to say, the rest of the conversation did not go well.

Me: Whoa! Let me stop you right there. First of all, you and I could NEVER meet for dinner and drinks because you have just let me know the kind of man you are. You see, I could have chalked the past up to youthful ignorance. However, the fact that you would sit on this phone and talk so nastily about the woman who gave you children in the hopes that you might possibly weasel your way into getting a piece of ass having relations with me lets me know that you are NOT the type of man I would want to spend any amount of time with. Are you insane? (What if he had said 'yes'? LOL)
Him: No, no, no. That is not what I was saying. I wasn't trying to come on to you. I was just hoping you could be a friend I could talk to from time to time because you always gave good advice.
Me: Boy, BYE!

Now, don't get it twisted. If I said I had not fallen for the okie-doke a time or two, I would be lying. However, that was a long time ago, and when you know better, you do better. There is no way in the world I would ever go back to being stupid. Instead, I just shake my head, keep it moving, and keep believing that God has something MUCH better in store for me.

Perhaps tomorrow we will discuss the propensity of men (and women) toward playing games in dating even into their late thirties and beyond.

Know your worth...

I love the movie, "Johnny Lingo." In it, a young woman named Mahana went through life being told that she was stupid, ugly and worthless. Even those closest to her echoed the sentiments of the others on the island. Consequently, Mahana came to believe that she was of no value. One day, Johnny Lingo, the shrewdest and most respected trader on the island, came to Mahana's house to offer cows as part of a marriage contract between himself and Mahana's father. In that society, the more cows offered meant the more the prospective bride was worth. Most of the islanders- Mahana's father included- believed that even one cow was too steep a price to pay for her. Johnny Lingo, however, offered an unprecedented 8 cows for Mahana- far more than any other woman in the history of the island. No one could believe it. Was Johnny Lingo blind, crazy, or just vain? Immediately after the wedding ceremony, Johnny Lingo took Mahana away for months on their honeymoon trip, which included visiting many islands. When they finally returned, no one could believe their eyes! Gone was the shy, awkward young woman considered worthless. In her place was this totally transformed woman in full knowledge of her beauty and worth. In the exchange at the end between Johnny and a local merchant, Johnny explained that he had loved her since childhood and that he paid 8 cows for Mahana because he wanted her to BE an 8-cow woman. He explained that many things could make a woman beautiful, but what SHE believed about herself was the most important thing.

Merchant: In her father's hut, Mahana believed she was worth nothing.
Johnny: Yes, and now she knows she is worth more than any other woman on the island.

See, with Johnny's help, Mahana came to see the woman she was called to be. When she believed she was ugly and worthless, she became ugly and worthless; but when she saw herself through Johnny's eyes- beautiful, graceful, worth far more than rubies- she BECAME that woman. (Ummh! If we only saw ourselves through God's eyes...)

One major flaw in our society today is that we allow others to dictate standards of beauty. As a result, entire segments of the population find themselves excluded. This creates a domino effect in which the excluded population ultimately comes to believe in their inferiority. Instead of perpetuating this superficial determination of a person's worth, why aren't we raising more Johnny Lingos who understand that the 2-cow woman according to society's standards CAN be the 8-cow woman God created for him? And why do we continue to cosign on society's double standards and raise generations of Mahanas who go through life not knowing that God created them to be stunningly beautiful reflections of His glory?

Marinate in that awhile...

Moving On...

Today was bittersweet. After what could only be described as an insanely challenging year, my fifth graders finally graduated and moved on to middle school. I'll be honest though. I was not so sure that either they or I would make it to the finish line; but somehow we made it.

At the end of each year, there is a tradition in which the teachers sing a song to send the children off. Honestly, other than "Hit the Road, Jack," I did not want to sing anything to this group of students. They worked my nerves in pretty much every way possible. However, my principal was not having it. So off to looking for songs our music teacher and I went. As we listened to one in particular, the lyrics, the tempo, the energy all seemed to describe them perfectly. I learned the song and actually found myself excited to sing it to them. (By the way, it was "Crazy Dreams" by Carrie Underwood.)

In the minutes leading up to their final walk of the halls, I took a moment to really look at each of the young minds I helped to mold. I recalled each child's golden moments and maybe a few not-so golden ones. Then I imagined them off into the world being tomorrow's movers and shakers; and, for the first time, I realized that the thought of these beautiful faces one day being control of the world did not frighten me. After all, these were my babies and they were going to do BIG things one day. I smiled to myself, and one child asked me what I was thinking. I told them, "I am thinking about your future and praying that you know just how proud I am to be your teacher."

After graduation, we had a reception where students and parents were able to mingle and say their summer goodbyes. A huge crowd gathered around me as parents and children waited to talk to and take pictures with me. It does something to your heart to have a parent of a particularly challenging student come up and tell you that their child talks about you every day and cried at the thought of leaving you. Or to have another one say that they waiting in that mile-long line to reach me because there was just no way their child would allow them to leave without getting a final hug or to take a final picture with "their" teacher. My undoing was when one of my newcomers who showed up at school speaking zero English, posed for a picture. Then, in the best English she could muster said, "Ms. C, I love you so much. Thank you for believing in me."

Wow. Just wow. I could go on and on about moments like these, but I won't. I can't. Not today. Right now, I am just going to reflect and smile.

Almost To... Happy? (Trois)

Well, the hits just keep on coming.

Since my last entry, I have rekindled- and lost- what I thought of as my deepest friendship. Warning: I may possibly be a little too transparent here, so if you are prone to pearl-clutching, perhaps you should visit on another day when I am a little more 'spiritual'. Coz right here, right now, this is my spot and I'm about to keep it real.

I have... HAD... a friend with whom I have shared some of my most vulnerable moments and some of my deepest secrets. The converse is true as well. (If you know me, then you know that I have MAJOR issues with trust, so this was a friendship with deeeep roots.) At any rate, this person recently showed me that their friendship was not genuine. The level of callousness at which they showed their true colors cut me to the quick and killed my sense of trust. I was left wondering how a person could ever come back from taking such a hit.

I think I started grieving the loss of the friendship almost as if someone had died. I felt as if I had taken another hit that I was sooo unready to take. All I wanted to do was yell at them, to scream at the top of my lungs, "How could you do this to me, of all people? You, who knows the secrets and the hurts and the pain and where the holes are. How could you deal me a fatal blow? How, you mother******?!!!"

Another blow. Another loss. Another hole to be filled. After so many, how does one move on? I was in yet another wilderness place. Was the wilderness destined to be my new home? What was I missing? What lessons did I not learn?

But you know what? God remembered me and I remembered Him. I just talked to Him openly and honestly. I talked and He listened. Then He talked and I listened. And He sent genuine people alongside to minister to my wounds. They bound me up with love and kindness and laughter and joy and with the Word... and at some point during the night while I slept, God performed surgery on my heart. I woke up the next morning with a new song. I was no longer angry. Instead, I felt a peace within me that this was not the end of my story. I understand that loss is part of living and that not everyone is called to walk along with us at every season of our lives. The person, my former friend, was just no longer called to my life... and that's okay, too, because I know that God has my back, front and flank. And more than anything, The Lord has shown me that, as I prepare to move into what I believe to be my season of greatness, those He has placed around me are the ones He has chosen to be armor bearers in my life.

I would be lying if I said I do not think about past events, but as quickly as thoughts and a little bit of sadness creep in, I try to make a conscious choice to release it. It's not easy, though, y'all, as I am indeed a work in progress. Continue to pray for me, alright?

The Big D

Well, it is official. Greg and I are calling it quits. We are filing for divorce this spring. I've actually alluded to this fact over the past several months as we have looked at our relationship from every conceivable angle. But, after all of that looking, it is what it is. And what it is is not working... nor has it worked for quite some time. So, here we are wondering where in the heck we went wrong and making plans to right our respective ships.

Divorce is painful business. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Whether we carry ourselves as strong and invincible or weak and easily defeated, there is a feeling of hurt and failure unlike anything else. There is no easy button to push nor words to be spoken that can take the sting away. In fact, I cringe inside just by saying the word. But, it is something that needs to be done nonetheless. For sake of my sanity, it has to be done.

Some of you will wonder why I took so long in revealing the changes I have been going through. Others will be disappointed and immediately think of all the scriptures you know about marriage. Yeah, I know those, too, so please don't waste your time typing them into the comments section. Still others will flood my voicemail and email boxes with words of encouragement and support. Please do not be offended if I do not immediately return your calls, texts, or messages. And please do not get upset if, when I do answer your calls, I just hold the phone. Like I said, this is very painful business, and it will take a lot of time to get over.

Well, now you know for sure. That's all I've got for now. I'll be back soon... with something.

Keep My Baby in Your Prayers...

My youngest child, Tootie, spiked a fever during the night last night. Her temperature was 104.1. I've been giving her Motrin every six hours and took her to the pediatrician today. She is now on an antibiotic and I hope she is feeling better by this time tomorrow. As I type this, my baby is asleep, totally spent from her latest fever spike. I am too tired to go to sleep after being up almost all night last night, and I will probably have a repeat tonight.

It's funny, though, because I have been inundated with praise and worship for the last few days. When she got sick, I did not stress. Yeah, as a parent, I was and am very concerned. Hence, the no sleep last night, but I spent much of that time singing praise and worship songs that I had been listening to over and over. God is so smart in the way He gives us just what we need when we need it!

One thing that has truly blessed my soul, though, has been watching Lia, Tootie's twin, while Tootie has been sick. Lia has been the little mother hen. She does everything from making sure Tootie has a light covering when she gets chilly to holding Tootie's cup to her lips so she can get a drink. Their relationship is so beautiful to watch. Although my girls are not identical twins, they do share an amazing bond. Today, Lia was so sad that Tootie had to go to the doctor that I had to promise to call home from the doctor's office so the girls could talk to each other on the phone. Before we left, Lia and I joined hands and Lia asked God to heal her sister. Can you say precious moment?!!! Then, when we got home, I noticed Lia looking through the blinds in the foyer, just watching for us. As we got out of the van, I could hear Lia squealing with delight, "Tootie's home! Tootie's home!" Lia opened the front door and ran out to meet Tootie. Then, Tootie told Lia that she missed her so much, and the two embraced. Aw, man! If you only knew how that touching moment got me right in the heart!

So, I know my baby is going to be just fine. The faith of her sister, more than anything, is seeing to that. With Lia's love and faith, God can't help but be moved to compassion for Tootie. I'll keep you posted on her progress!

Let it go

My soul is really vexed today. Yeah, I said it-- vexed!

I recently had to de-friend a person from my Facebook friends list. I tried to talk to her and share experiences I have had, but she continued to update her status with hateful, disrespectful things about her mama. (I'll post about that later.)

Now, if you know me at all, then you know that my relationship with my own mother has, over the years, been described as tumultuous. I mean, I thought I could move thousands of miles away and finally be free of the drama and stress I was constantly plagued with. I even went to counseling to try to figure out why someone who was supposed to love me so much put me through so much. And you know what? Counseling gave me some insight, but never really solved my problem. My problem was not solved until I had an epiphany one day: I had to fix myself before I could deal with problems in my relationships.

I literally spent YEARS and lots of money trying to solve my family problems the way *I* had imagined they should be solved. The bottom line is that MY way of solving problems with people was by finding ways to CHANGE those people into what I thought they should be. I wanted them to act the way I thought they should act, and I wanted them to do the things I thought they should do.

You see, I didn't realize it at first, but what I really wanted was CONTROL.

Whenever someone in my family did something to step outside of that little box I had so neatly organized, I was disappointed. They disappointed me. They betrayed me. I wasn't in control.

Yes, it hurt me deeply when someone so dear to me lied on me (which was A LOT!!), but that is a problem THAT PERSON has to solve within themselves. I knew I did not say or do those things, so why was I worried so much about it? I finally learned to just LET IT GO.

When they lied on me, so what! Let. it. go.
When they said that I think I'm better than everyone else, I knew I didn't feel that way-- they did. Let. it. go.
When they said things about my husband or my children, I realized that anyone truly important in their lives knew that stuff was unfair and untrue. So, I grit my teeth very hard and let. it. go.

At the end of our lives, it will no longer be important to us whether or not someone said all the right things or did all the right things to us. We just want to be able to know that we loved and were loved. We want to know that in the brief moment of time and space we were allowed to be here, we made a difference. We mattered.

Isn't that all that really matters?

People, please learn to just let the foolishness of this world go or it will consume you. Don't be like I was for so long. As my friend, Monnie, says and I have since adopted, "Be better than me."

So now I say it to you. Don't be like me. Be so much better than me.

Let's get it together, Ladies

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend with whom I had lost touch. She was in a bad place and my heart really hurt for her. She told me about a relationship she was in that was not going the way she had thought it would. The guy, who had pursued her for quite some time, seemed to possess all of the qualities of an ideal mate plus a few not-so ideal qualities. Those not-so-ideal qualities were BIG ones. They should have been deal breakers, in my opinion.

However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!

This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.

I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.

Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?

Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.

Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.

Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.

My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.

Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.

Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”

I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:

If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.