Sidenote to the imposter

To the "Christian" blogger with the hidden agenda, you *should* know that GOD sees and hears EVERYTHING and would NEVER allow His daughter to walk into such a trap. Yeah... Best of luck to you.

On to real news...

Just Eeewwwww....

Yesterday was torturous. I awoke from a nap to a terrible sinus headache. Although it was not a migraine, the pain partnered with the slight dizziness from inner ear pressure had me close to the point of being violently ill. I went to the medicine cabinet for pain medication and discovered that I was out! (How do these things happen to me??!!) I knew I would not be able to take it for much longer, so I loaded up the kiddos and headed to the nearest store. While looking at the different pain relief options, I was approached by a man clearly into his fifties or more. I respect my elders, so I answered with as much politeness as my pain-consumed mind would allow. My politeness, however, quickly turned to coldness and then to anger.

Man: Hey, Pretty Lady. I just wanted to tell you that your hair is beautiful.
Me (remembering that I had flat-ironed it the previous day): Oh, thank you so much.
Man: You are very pretty.
Me (warily): Thank you.
Man: Yes, very pretty. I would love to take you out sometime.
Me (now completely agitated as I pointedly look at his wedding ring): Take me out? Really? So is your wife coming too?
Man: Ah, no. My wife knows how much I love women.
Me: Aw, Lawd, I can't. Sir, get the hell away from me.

What the what?!! Why do I get the pleasure of meeting all the deviants, the old ho's and the wanna-be playa-playa's? Do I have a sign that says "All applications accepted"? I wanted to blog about this last night, but I just had no words other than "Eeewwwww," and "Whyyyyy?"

That experience gives rise to a few other topics that I would like to discuss:
1.) Why do women stay in long-term relationships with serial cheaters (and vice-versa)?
2.) The signs that a man (or woman) is DWA Dating While Attached;
3.) Games men and women play in dating;
4.) Guarding one's heart without putting up insurmountable walls.

I'm sure there will be many more topics to come as a result of these, so be on the lookout for them this week; and be sure to comment because these are dialogues that really need to take place.

Have a terrific Tuesday, Loves!

Dating 2013

Fast forward to 2013.

Here I stand as a divorced, single mother trying to navigate my way through the dating waters. I have to admit that the process is not inspiring much confidence at this point. Because I have been severely lacking in time and opportunity to get out and meet people the 'regular' way, I have opened up to online dating. To call it interesting is definitely an understatement.

Online dating has its positive and negative points. For example, it is, in my opinion, a great way to take your time and really learn how a person thinks. Since there is no actual face-to-face interaction in the early stages, you become forced to actually communicate. However, because there is no face-to-face interaction initially, you are not able to see their body language to determine if the words that are being typed really matches up with how they are feeling. Consequently, it is much easier for someone to be on the computer saying any and everything about who they are, how they feel, and what their goals are. If insincere, the chances of feeling frustrated once the actual meeting takes place is drastically increased because you feel as if you wasted so much time and energy on someone who was not the person you thought they were. In short, online dating is just as hard as dating offline. In both instances, a good relationship with God is paramount because discernment is crucial for weeding out those who are not genuine.

Add to the mix being a Christian woman dating, and it becomes a mess. In my experience, when you tell people that you are Christian and dating, one of two things happen: 1. They immediately assume that you must be boring or a prude. I had one person tell me that he was afraid to flirt with me because he saw me as a Mother Teresa type. Really, dude? Or 2. They want to "test" my Christianity by attempting to talk under my clothes. I think I have been approached by pretty much every type of sexual deviant you can think of! LOL. Don't get me wrong. I am BY FAR not a prude, but some of the people out there have taken things waaay to the next dimension!

So far, trying to reenter the dating world has not been a very successful endeavor for me. I have met some really nice men who I could see forging lifelong friendships with, but there have been no real sparks. I am hopeful, though, that God has the person He has ordained just for me that does not require settling.

I will keep you updated with any new developments...

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

Author's Note: This is an entry from a few years ago that was never published. I do not even know why I did not publish it at the time, but it is still relevant. Just a reminder to my sisters (and to myself) to never settle for less than God's best. Love you.

I am going to need my sisters to stop settling for a man for the sake of being able to say you have a man. If you're my friend, then I know there is something of quality about you. I don't make it a habit to run around with people who aren't about anything. So, knowing that about you, I know you have qualities in you that make you worthy of God's (and a man's) best.

Why am I going there today, you ask?

Well, I recently reconnected with a friend who is still unmarried. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not one to push marriage on anyone. I know it is not for everyone. However, this friend really wants to be married one day. She longs for a great marriage with a man who is her equal... or at least complementary. The problem is that this smart, beautiful, successful woman has run into more than her fair share of broke, busted, disgusted, lying, trifling, and philandering men. Well, at the very least, they have been all wrong for her.

Now, I know your first thought is this: If she is as put together as I say, then why is she still being drawn to these types of men? Well, I DON'T KNOW! This sista is at the top of her game professionally. She is also a published author who loves the Lord and has her credit and her money right, in addition to countless other good qualities. So what is the REAL problem? Why, then, is she still putting up with somesuch nonsense?

As we talked about her latest relationship, something that she said really struck me. She said, "Girl, I am tired. I don't want to have to learn another birthday, another middle name, meet another mama, or meet another group of friends. God may actually have the person who is right for me on a plane at this moment, and we may bump into each other at the grocery store and we'll know we've finally found "the one" and be married and making babies in a year. But I am tired. I just want God to make THIS one right."

O-O-O-kay! Starting point. Yes, I know this young lady is tired- of her propensity toward trifling, lying, deceptive men. I would be tired as well. SO, what do we do when we get tired? We make changes!

This lady has been in some long-term relationships with men she has known for many, many years. But what I think she has failed to do is really look at them. Length of time knowing someone does not necessarily correlate to the depth of friendships. (I can't take the credit for that one. Those were her words). Any woman in this situation needs to ask herself, "In all of the years I have known this man, what has he shown me about his character?" Seriously. We tend to let our real selves hang out when we are around friends we are not in a relationship with. Girls, if you saw him tipping, slipping, and acting a fool with some other woman, please know that he has shown you his true self. Has he shown that he cannot manage his money? Red flag! Have you seen incidences as his friend when he has proven to be unreliable? Red flag! Ladies, that does not change just because you are the new flavor of the month. Don't for a moment think that the juncture of your thighs will make him change his ways. That is a dime a dozen. So, what REALLY is different about you?

Sisters, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship up front. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare him off. If he is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all, and end all.

Look at it this way: If you are a man's missing rib, shouldn't the pieces fit together correctly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

I received a message from a person from my past. Apparently, he has been reflecting on his life lately and thought it would be a good idea to call and make amends for past mistakes. I get that, and I was, on some level, glad to give him the forgiving word he obviously needed in order to move into the next level he was seeking in life. Since I did not know him well anymore, I gave him the Google Voice number that I give to casual acquaintances. During the course of catching up, he asked me about my relationship status. I did not think too much of the question because it seems to be standard when catching up with people from the past. I told him that I was divorced and currently going through a period of renewal, and he told me that he was in a somewhat complicated relationship with a woman with whom he had two children. However, after a few more minutes of talking, he mentioned that he was coming to town because he was considering moving back (not happy with his current situation), and he wanted to know if I was willing to meet for dinner and drinks. When I hesitated in responding, he launched into an explanation which included him telling me that he had thought about me nonstop for the last several months and wanted to contact me many times, that I was the only woman that he has really ever loved, yadda yadda yadda... Interspersed in there somewhere was him telling me everything wrong he could possibly think of about the girlfriend/baby mama/friend with benefits chick he was with.

What the what?!!! Pump the damn doggone brakes!

Needless to say, the rest of the conversation did not go well.

Me: Whoa! Let me stop you right there. First of all, you and I could NEVER meet for dinner and drinks because you have just let me know the kind of man you are. You see, I could have chalked the past up to youthful ignorance. However, the fact that you would sit on this phone and talk so nastily about the woman who gave you children in the hopes that you might possibly weasel your way into getting a piece of ass having relations with me lets me know that you are NOT the type of man I would want to spend any amount of time with. Are you insane? (What if he had said 'yes'? LOL)
Him: No, no, no. That is not what I was saying. I wasn't trying to come on to you. I was just hoping you could be a friend I could talk to from time to time because you always gave good advice.
Me: Boy, BYE!

Now, don't get it twisted. If I said I had not fallen for the okie-doke a time or two, I would be lying. However, that was a long time ago, and when you know better, you do better. There is no way in the world I would ever go back to being stupid. Instead, I just shake my head, keep it moving, and keep believing that God has something MUCH better in store for me.

Perhaps tomorrow we will discuss the propensity of men (and women) toward playing games in dating even into their late thirties and beyond.

Know your worth...

I love the movie, "Johnny Lingo." In it, a young woman named Mahana went through life being told that she was stupid, ugly and worthless. Even those closest to her echoed the sentiments of the others on the island. Consequently, Mahana came to believe that she was of no value. One day, Johnny Lingo, the shrewdest and most respected trader on the island, came to Mahana's house to offer cows as part of a marriage contract between himself and Mahana's father. In that society, the more cows offered meant the more the prospective bride was worth. Most of the islanders- Mahana's father included- believed that even one cow was too steep a price to pay for her. Johnny Lingo, however, offered an unprecedented 8 cows for Mahana- far more than any other woman in the history of the island. No one could believe it. Was Johnny Lingo blind, crazy, or just vain? Immediately after the wedding ceremony, Johnny Lingo took Mahana away for months on their honeymoon trip, which included visiting many islands. When they finally returned, no one could believe their eyes! Gone was the shy, awkward young woman considered worthless. In her place was this totally transformed woman in full knowledge of her beauty and worth. In the exchange at the end between Johnny and a local merchant, Johnny explained that he had loved her since childhood and that he paid 8 cows for Mahana because he wanted her to BE an 8-cow woman. He explained that many things could make a woman beautiful, but what SHE believed about herself was the most important thing.

Merchant: In her father's hut, Mahana believed she was worth nothing.
Johnny: Yes, and now she knows she is worth more than any other woman on the island.

See, with Johnny's help, Mahana came to see the woman she was called to be. When she believed she was ugly and worthless, she became ugly and worthless; but when she saw herself through Johnny's eyes- beautiful, graceful, worth far more than rubies- she BECAME that woman. (Ummh! If we only saw ourselves through God's eyes...)

One major flaw in our society today is that we allow others to dictate standards of beauty. As a result, entire segments of the population find themselves excluded. This creates a domino effect in which the excluded population ultimately comes to believe in their inferiority. Instead of perpetuating this superficial determination of a person's worth, why aren't we raising more Johnny Lingos who understand that the 2-cow woman according to society's standards CAN be the 8-cow woman God created for him? And why do we continue to cosign on society's double standards and raise generations of Mahanas who go through life not knowing that God created them to be stunningly beautiful reflections of His glory?

Marinate in that awhile...

"Who Your People?"

I still remember my Aunt Pearl saying the words that caused me to blush down to the tips of my toes. Not only was it embarrassing to hear her nonstandard use of the king's English; but more importantly, she was grilling the boy whom I thought was the embodiment of all things cute, cool and delightfully wonderful in the world.

As I think about it now, the exchange went something like this:

Aunt Pearl: Who are you?
Cutie: My name is Chris, Ma'am.
AP: Chris is not your name. Is that short for Christopher or Christian?
Him: It's short for Christopher, Ma'am.
AP: OK, ChrisTOPHER, what is your last name?
Him: Hamilton, Ma'am.
AP: Christopher Hamilton, who your people?
Him: Well, my mom lives on the North side, but I live with my aunt and uncle. They live over on K Street.
AP: K Street? Oh, over by Mrs. Waddell's house?
Him: Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Waddell lives two doors down.
AP: OH, in the blue house on the corner?
Him: Yes, ma'am.
AP: Oh, ok. Well, Christopher "Chris" Hamilton, this is MY niece. I am HER Aunt Pearl and you are welcome to stop by to see her sometime if you see my car in the driveway. You got that?
Him: Yes, Ma'am, Miss Pearl. I got it.

Now as I look back on that conversation, I realize a few things about my Aunt Pearl's intentions from that brief exchange. First off, she gleaned far more from that brief exchange than any sit-down conversation full of slick words could ever have told her. For example, she tested his level of respect. Had he been taught to respect his elders by saying yes, no, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am and using proper titles as opposed to saying, yeah, naw, uh-huh, etc.? Second, she found out two very important things about his family: 1. Exactly who they were (If his family was known for being a bunch of fools, Chris would've gotten the boot quickly) and 2. Where to go to handle things if something went awry. Third, by making him use his exact name and stating her name and her relationship with me and then setting clear expectations and boundaries, she let him know that I am someone important whose "people" hold in high regard and whose "people" have higher expectations for. In other words, she let him know that I was not someone he was free to trifle with.

How did we get so far removed from teaching young people to respect their elders? Even more disturbing to me is how we have gotten so far away from setting high standards and EXPECTING our young people to reach those standards of behavior. As an educator, I see all too often a generation of youngsters who do not respect authority, elders, or even themselves. How do we reclaim what some have called 'a lost generation'? How do we rise up and become the elders like my Aunt Pearl who made expectations clear and who, with a short interaction, was able to communicate to the world- me included- that I was valuable and that I belonged to someone who loved me enough to apply a covering over my life? We need more Aunt Pearls. Heck, we need to BECOME the Aunt Pearls of this generation. But how do we do this? Sound off somebody!

Almost To... Happy? (Trois)

Well, the hits just keep on coming.

Since my last entry, I have rekindled- and lost- what I thought of as my deepest friendship. Warning: I may possibly be a little too transparent here, so if you are prone to pearl-clutching, perhaps you should visit on another day when I am a little more 'spiritual'. Coz right here, right now, this is my spot and I'm about to keep it real.

I have... HAD... a friend with whom I have shared some of my most vulnerable moments and some of my deepest secrets. The converse is true as well. (If you know me, then you know that I have MAJOR issues with trust, so this was a friendship with deeeep roots.) At any rate, this person recently showed me that their friendship was not genuine. The level of callousness at which they showed their true colors cut me to the quick and killed my sense of trust. I was left wondering how a person could ever come back from taking such a hit.

I think I started grieving the loss of the friendship almost as if someone had died. I felt as if I had taken another hit that I was sooo unready to take. All I wanted to do was yell at them, to scream at the top of my lungs, "How could you do this to me, of all people? You, who knows the secrets and the hurts and the pain and where the holes are. How could you deal me a fatal blow? How, you mother******?!!!"

Another blow. Another loss. Another hole to be filled. After so many, how does one move on? I was in yet another wilderness place. Was the wilderness destined to be my new home? What was I missing? What lessons did I not learn?

But you know what? God remembered me and I remembered Him. I just talked to Him openly and honestly. I talked and He listened. Then He talked and I listened. And He sent genuine people alongside to minister to my wounds. They bound me up with love and kindness and laughter and joy and with the Word... and at some point during the night while I slept, God performed surgery on my heart. I woke up the next morning with a new song. I was no longer angry. Instead, I felt a peace within me that this was not the end of my story. I understand that loss is part of living and that not everyone is called to walk along with us at every season of our lives. The person, my former friend, was just no longer called to my life... and that's okay, too, because I know that God has my back, front and flank. And more than anything, The Lord has shown me that, as I prepare to move into what I believe to be my season of greatness, those He has placed around me are the ones He has chosen to be armor bearers in my life.

I would be lying if I said I do not think about past events, but as quickly as thoughts and a little bit of sadness creep in, I try to make a conscious choice to release it. It's not easy, though, y'all, as I am indeed a work in progress. Continue to pray for me, alright?

When It Rains, It Pours...

Well, now the OTHER twin has whatever this crud is Tootie has. Lia's fever spiked today, along with a cough and now a sore throat. I called to see if I could just give her the same antibiotic that Tootie has, but no... I'll be taking her in to the pediatrician in about an hour! My brain is so fried! In the last two days, I have had a total of three hours sleep. Tonight's not looking too good on the sleep front, either. Plus, I'm starting to run a low-grade fever. Too bad, though, because I don't have time to be sick. I'll just have to try to keep it at bay until I get my girls better.

Anyway, please keep the prayers coming because we really need them right now.

Honor Your Father and Mother

Like I said earlier, I had to defriend someone from my FaceBook account because she was being disrespectful to her mama.

Now, the Lord knows that I have not made the best decisions all the time when it comes to dealing with my own mother, but despite how angry she has ever made me-- and she has done so A LOT!!!-- I have never, never, never, EVER called her out of her name or in any way threatened her.

This child (teenager, going to 12th grade) is the daughter of a friend of mine. At first I thought it was cute when I received her friend request. But that changed QUICKLY! See, my friend and her daughter are having a hard time relating right now for a number of reasons. There seems to be so much more to the story that I am not privy to, but that is their business and I respect that. Anyway, I have been noticing the daughter writing things in her status that are, in my opinion, extremely disrespectful towards her mother. I know she intentionally writes those things to hurt her mom since her mother can see everything she writes. I wrote her a private message letting her know that, although I do not know what all is going on between them, life is so short and is not at all promised to us. I asked her, essentially, to ask herself this: If your mother died today, would you be forever okay with the way things are between you? If your answer is yes, then there is really nothing else I can say other than to just keep it moving. But if the answer is no,then you need to make sure that you take the necessary steps on your end to start making it right today. Once we are gone, it will be too late the say the things we should have said or to take back the things we knew we should not have said. I left it there and went about about my business.

The child did not respond to my message and, in fact, continued to post disrespectful status messages toward her mother. I guess, in her reckless youth, she made the decision she felt she needed to.

The last straw for me, though, was this final exchange (paraphrased): (Warning: foul language)

(apparently, the mother had written and told the child she loved her)

Friend's daughter's status message: Seriously, just leave me the f*** alone!
Daughter's friend #1: What's going on? Whose ass do I need to kick?
Daughter's friend #2: So, your (sic) gonna kick her mother's ass? LMAO!
Friend's daughter: LMAO!!!

Okay! I was HOT I tell you! I had reached the end of my rope with this little girl! The level of disrespect was just too much! So rather than beating her with a red hot poker or saying what was REALLY on my mind, I just deleted her from my friends list so I'd never have to see her disrespectful posts again. I understand that it does, indeed, take a village to raise a child, but I also understand that not everyone in the village has permission to beat the child's butt.

It does seem, though, that somewhere along the way the message of honoring your father and mother (Ephesians 6:2-3) got missed. I'm just saying...

Let's get it together, Ladies

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend with whom I had lost touch. She was in a bad place and my heart really hurt for her. She told me about a relationship she was in that was not going the way she had thought it would. The guy, who had pursued her for quite some time, seemed to possess all of the qualities of an ideal mate plus a few not-so ideal qualities. Those not-so-ideal qualities were BIG ones. They should have been deal breakers, in my opinion.

However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!

This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.

I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.

Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?

Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.

Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.

Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.

My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.

Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.

Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”

I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:

If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.

That Darn Insurance Company

We recently had to change insurance companies. For the past nine years, the fam and I had been on hubby's health insurance. I guess I was totally spoiled rotten with the good benefits we enjoyed. Since he was economic victim number 5, 457, 912, we had to get insurance through my job. Wow is all I can say.

Just wow.

The differences are startling. I have no idea how people survive with this so called health insurance. One would think that a public school district would at least add good insurance benefits. Humph!

It looked fine on the surface... but then I actually had to use it this week. No problem because I'm insured, right? Well, I called the insurance company because I noticed my copay amounts were not printed on my card. It turns out that there are no copays. Sounds good, right? WRONG! It is all deductible and coinsurance. So, where I used to pay a $20 or $25 copay and the insurance picked up the rest at 100%, this company had a $350 deductible that had to be paid BEFORE they will pay anything... even for an office visit! After that, I would still have to pay 20%. Now, call me crazy because this may be how it is for most people, but this is not at all what I have grown accustomed to. The really bad part is that, when I need to take Ryan or the girls to the doctor now, I will have to pay a deductible of $350 for EACH of them before the insurance pays anything for them. They do stop the bloodletting at at a cap of $1,050 (three individual copays for a family), but still. I think this whole thing stinks!

Is it just me? Is this what you have had to put up with? Have I just been too spoiled to realize that this is what insurance coverage has been reduced to?

Better than... and other observations (a rant)

Several things have irritated me today, so I thought on them and decided to speak on them.

First. Why is it that people think that just because children are small, they are stupid? People tend to give children much less credit than they are due. The fact that they may not have the vocabulary to express what they might be thinking or feeling does not preclude their propensity toward such thoughts and feelings. Get a clue.

Second. Children do react to tone of voice, no matter how hard a person tries to veil their particular brand of venom. They do pick up on body language, and they do recognize differences in the way they are treated as compared to other children. (That's a no-brainer!)

Third. I've learned that, in many cases, when people say something is about you, it really is not about you at all. For example, when a person goes around saying that you think you're better than they are when you've had no such thoughts whatsoever, the problem is not about you. For whatever reason, that person feels that you are better than they are. However, that person is not honest enough with him/herself to admit his/her personal insecurities.

Finally. If you approach a person with your latest bright idea and the person you approached is less than impressed, it is not that the person thinks they're better than you. Maybe your idea is just really stupid. If you disagree with their opinion, do not go on to complain to whomever will listen that the person always thinks your ideas are less than stellar. Instead, you should either move on or take your ideas to people who want to hear them and/or agree they are good. I really do not understand the need to constantly seek the approval of someone who thinks you have stupid ideas or make stupid decisions. Without delay, you need to figure out why your self esteem is so low.

That is all.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Be Selfish

Call this my allowed-once-a-year pity party. Call it a rant. Call it whatever the heck you like, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I am not a selfish person. In fact, I probably spend more time being the least selfish in the bunch-- almost to my own detriment. I spend the majority of the year running around from point A to point B trying to get things done... mostly for other people. I give all day on my job and then come home and give some more. Whether someone has a problem, a deadline, needs something filled out, needs money at the last minute that I have to somehow pull outta my ass, or just needs a last minute miracle because God is a little busy taking care of really important stuff, people come to me.

Nikki can do it. Let her handle it. She's good at that. She knows what to do. She can help me with that. She knows where to find it. She has all the answers. Let me just pile her plate up more and more and more with all my f*ing problems so I can feel better about myself. She's used to giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Let me continue to take, take, take, take, take, and draw from her never-ending bucket without ever refilling it with anything. Just so that I can feel better about myself...

Well, you know what? My bucket is empty. I've got nothing else to give. Nothing. Nichevo. Nada. I'm done. Why do I have to tell you what to do all the time? Why do I have to mildly suggest that you do something that you know you should be doing in the first place? why do I always have to be the one you try to put down in order to pick yourself up? Why should I always have to be the one to cheer you on or to talk you down from the ledge? The answer is that I DON'T. And I WON'T. Not anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. Done.

Okay, I got that out. I'm better now. You are free to move about the country...

Merry Christmas!

I'm so disgustingly sick of political correctness. No one can say anything, it seems, for fear that someone will be offended. Well, you know what? Get over it or go somewhere where people say and believe the things you say and believe. Here, it's Christmas! Not Happy Holidays. Not Season's Greetings. Not Winter Wishes. Christmas. As in CHRIST. As in JESUS.

Jesus is the reason for this (and any other) season. So, Merry CHRISTmas!

Finally, someone who gets me

I've always been the kind of person who has had very few friends and several acquaintances. I guess that comes from growing up the way I did. Because of it, I've had trust issues and often find it hard to allow people beyond the mask. I guess the bottom line is that I am afraid of them somehow disappointing me. Maybe it's the other way around as well. Consequently, I find myself drawing back when it seems as if they are getting just a little too close. Just keep it superficial and everything is okay.

Well, something weird has happened. Last spring, my teaching team and I interviewed some teachers to replace two who were leaving (One was moving to a lower grade level and the other decided to stay home with her child). One of the openings would be my direct partner teacher. None of the applicants seemed to be "just right". They seemed nice enough, knowledgeable enough, and friendly enough, but none were quite right... until Tammi showed up. She had come to the interview after just a couple hours of sleep. Her mother-in-law had just passed and she actually left the funeral out of state to make the interview. She was smart and funny and had the right answers to our questions. I think everyone agreed she was a good match until... she mentioned she was the head of the social committee at her last school and enjoyed doing things together after work. (Insert sound of car tires screeching to a halt).

I could feel the other teammates' eyes on me when she said that because I do NOT like to hang out with my coworkers after work. Ummm, no. That's just not my thing. After the interview, the others thought I would immediately eliminate her from consideration, but there was something about her that I liked. A lot.

She did end up getting the job and we have become fast friends. In fact, she and I actually do hang out at work and after work. We immediately clicked, and she is quickly becoming my best friend. Coworkers, administrators, and even students often comment that we are just alike. We say the same things and think the exact same way, which is probably not a good thing since most of the comments we tend to hold in are rude! LOL!!!

I suppose the whole point I'm making here is that it's not good to prejudge people, especially based on our hangups. Had I disqualified her based on mine , I would have missed out on a really good friend and an outstanding partner teacher.

Pizza Hut--Blacklisted!

Pizza Hut is the latest establishment to be added to my personal blacklist. I placed an order tonight and received the worst ever customer service. If you know me at all, you know how highly I value great service. You also know that I have already lodged a written complaint to their corporate offices. I'll keep you posted on their response.

They made me do it!

Now, I pride myself on being professional in most situations. Yesterday, though, not so much. I had been sick as a dog and was trying to make it through the day since I needed to give a curriculum assessment to my three classes. Well, on the way to daycare, Kalyn (Tootie) announced that she had to go potty. There was no place to stop at the time, so I told her she was going to have to hold it until we got to daycare at Ms. Jena's house. She gave me a weak, "Okay" so I knew she was struggling to hold it. After two more, "I have to pee-pee's" I stopped at this Shell station that also serves at a corner market/liquor store that I saw. Mind you, it was raining, so I had to take both girls out of the van in the rain, sick as a dog, with one child on my hip and one holding my hand while trying to balance the umbrella over the three of us somehow.

Well, I got to the door of the store and asked if they had a bathroom. Here is how the exchange went:

Me: Excuse me, but so you have a bathroom?
Older Korean Lady: Bah-woom?
Me: Baath-rooom. You know, restroom, potty, toilet, bathroom?
Older Korean Lady: Baaahk (pointing to some doors at the back of the store)

At this point, I am running through the store with the girls pleading with Tootie to hold on just a minute more. We got to the doors and found both doors locked. I turned to the front of the store and asked which door was the bathroom.

Younger Korean Man (who had been watching the entire thing): Bathroom no work.
Me: Then why in the heck didn't you say something when I asked at first?
Younger Korean Man: Bathroom at laundry mat down sigh-walk.
Me: You should've said that at first, hell! (I know. I NEVER talk like that around my girls, but I was ready to shank a fool at that moment.)

So, we go racing down the sidewalk of the strip center to the laundry mat where I once again pleaded with Tootie to just hang on a minute. Then I noticed for the first time that we had to walk through a bunch of guys who were waiting to be picked up for day laboring jobs. One even had the nerve to try to holler. I mean, did anything about my foul azz expression lead him to believe that I was looking for a damned date? I was REALLY ready to shank a fool at that point. We finally got to the laundromat and its nasty azz bathroom (no, it was really dirty). I didn't allow the girls to touch ANYTHING and held them up over the toilet to use it. When we got to daycare, I scrubbed their hands and mine.

I'm proud of Tootie for holding it as long as she did when I know she really had to go badly, but I'm telling you. If she had had an accident in that store, I would've been on the news because I was just that pissed.

I'm better now, and, thankfully, my girls didn't seem to notice the "hell" I added at the end of my exchange with the Korean dude. Please pray for me and my temper 'coz I really can't stress enough just how badly I was ready to set it off in that store.

Advanced Maternal Age

All this talk about the new Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, had me thinking about this today.

I REALLY hate the term, "Advanced Maternal Age."! It's as if we're saying that women have an expiration date of 35 (or younger!) if they're to be able to have a child. That is just nonsense to me! We live in a society where people are living longer and delaying marriage and childbirth. As a result, we see women- like a good friend of mine- who are having their first children at the age of 43. Yeah, I know all about diminished ovarian reserve and the higher incidences of chromosomal abnormalities such as Down's Syndrome, but still-- we are hearing more and more often about women extending childbirth years well into their fifties. Heck, a couple have even been upwards of 70! (Although, that is taking it waaaay too far, in my opinion).

No, I'm not looking at trying for just one more. There will be no more for us, at least not of the biological variety! I have several friends who are or will soon be cycling (two are doing IVF and one is doing a medicated IUI right now). Plus, one friend is talking about doing another cycle within the year to add a sibling, and one of my partner teachers has suffered many losses and is looking at having a child. Each of the people I'm thinking of are considered advanced maternal age in medical terms, although to know them would suggest no such thing.

Traditionally, a woman is labeled AMA when she becomes pregnant at the age of 35 or older. However, when I (finally!) became pregnant with my twins, I was sent to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, or perinatologist, because I was considered high risk for several reasons. I do suffer from hypertension and knew that would be an issue in addition to my carrying multiples, but the doctor put AMA on my chart as well.

Oh, hell no! Pump the brakes!

Me (oh, so sweetly): Excuse me, Doctor, but you put 'AMA ' on my chart, but I am only 33. When I have the babies I will only be 34.

Doctor: Yes, that's true for a singleton, but with multiples, we consider people AMA at the age of 33.

Well, I'll be damned! Women are in the news often these days for having babies at 58, 62, and even 70. So, how did I get to be considered "Advanced Maternal Age" at 33? They offered me an amniocentesis and everything! I declined that, though, because the results had no bearing whatsoever on whether or no we would keep the babies, and the pregnancy proceeded pretty well. It's just that that label stuck in my craw the entire time. Humph! Advanced maternal age my eye! Some days I'm a bigger kid than my (now) toddlers!

Of course, I usually have to take a long soak in a hot bath of lavender-scented epsom salts after all that youthful exuberance, but still...

It's High School Football Time!

I went to Ryan's football game on Friday night. Greg decided to stay home with the girls because he was really exhausted from his day and wasn't feeling too well. I was tired, too, but one of us has to go to support Ryan's team, so it was me. To my surprise, my mom also wanted to go!

The atmosphere was great! Mama and I excitedly made our way through the crush of bodies and the sea of chatter all around. All traces of the fatigue I felt on the way there melted away and I was ready to be loud, rowdy, and proud! (Okay, not too rowdy 'cause I don't really 'get down like that', but you get the picture). It was almost time for the teams to burst onto the field when they showed up! Think of the tightest, shortest outfits you can and you'll begin to get an idea of what some of the hot mamas at the high school wore. All I could see was BANG! POW! and BOOM! I really wondered if their mothers saw them before they left the house. They could not possibly have allowed this. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the unthinkable happened-- the group of young "ladies" opened their mouths to speak.

In the words of Florida Evans, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

I saw flashes of gold teeth (who still does that?), and heard cussing and ebonics (and not all of them were Black) until I felt my ears would bleed. A couple of the girls looked behind them, saw my teacher badge, and shushed the others. Surprisingly, they looked back and one even apologized. I was shocked and then embarrassed about pre-judging them by their appearance. After all, they seemed to have some redeeming qualities. In the end, I decided that they were probably good kids who either acted like that to fit in, or they'd learned these patterns of behavior from their parents. I wanted to grab them up, one by one, and hug those babies and tell them I'd be glad to mentor them or pair them up with mentors who will show them the good parts of life, but then...

But then...

the boys burst onto the field! Hell, I'm a mama and my baby was on the field. I'd have to think of ways to help those girls later. Yep, it's high school football time, Folks! I'm a mama with a son who plays on his varsity team. He's really good, too.

But I am also a teacher... and a woman... and a part of this community that we often refer to as the village it takes to raise a child. I think of those young ladies, and my heart hurts; and I am so ashamed because I dismissed them from my mind until just this moment...