Let it go

My soul is really vexed today. Yeah, I said it-- vexed!

I recently had to de-friend a person from my Facebook friends list. I tried to talk to her and share experiences I have had, but she continued to update her status with hateful, disrespectful things about her mama. (I'll post about that later.)

Now, if you know me at all, then you know that my relationship with my own mother has, over the years, been described as tumultuous. I mean, I thought I could move thousands of miles away and finally be free of the drama and stress I was constantly plagued with. I even went to counseling to try to figure out why someone who was supposed to love me so much put me through so much. And you know what? Counseling gave me some insight, but never really solved my problem. My problem was not solved until I had an epiphany one day: I had to fix myself before I could deal with problems in my relationships.

I literally spent YEARS and lots of money trying to solve my family problems the way *I* had imagined they should be solved. The bottom line is that MY way of solving problems with people was by finding ways to CHANGE those people into what I thought they should be. I wanted them to act the way I thought they should act, and I wanted them to do the things I thought they should do.

You see, I didn't realize it at first, but what I really wanted was CONTROL.

Whenever someone in my family did something to step outside of that little box I had so neatly organized, I was disappointed. They disappointed me. They betrayed me. I wasn't in control.

Yes, it hurt me deeply when someone so dear to me lied on me (which was A LOT!!), but that is a problem THAT PERSON has to solve within themselves. I knew I did not say or do those things, so why was I worried so much about it? I finally learned to just LET IT GO.

When they lied on me, so what! Let. it. go.
When they said that I think I'm better than everyone else, I knew I didn't feel that way-- they did. Let. it. go.
When they said things about my husband or my children, I realized that anyone truly important in their lives knew that stuff was unfair and untrue. So, I grit my teeth very hard and let. it. go.

At the end of our lives, it will no longer be important to us whether or not someone said all the right things or did all the right things to us. We just want to be able to know that we loved and were loved. We want to know that in the brief moment of time and space we were allowed to be here, we made a difference. We mattered.

Isn't that all that really matters?

People, please learn to just let the foolishness of this world go or it will consume you. Don't be like I was for so long. As my friend, Monnie, says and I have since adopted, "Be better than me."

So now I say it to you. Don't be like me. Be so much better than me.