One more thing...

Oh, and for the one who just called listing off all of the nice things you got for Christmas: Did it never occur to you that while I was busily juggling all of your cares that you cast on my plate, you didn't get me anything? Not that life is about taking score or anything, but still...

F*** you, too!

Sometimes You Just Gotta Be Selfish

Call this my allowed-once-a-year pity party. Call it a rant. Call it whatever the heck you like, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I am not a selfish person. In fact, I probably spend more time being the least selfish in the bunch-- almost to my own detriment. I spend the majority of the year running around from point A to point B trying to get things done... mostly for other people. I give all day on my job and then come home and give some more. Whether someone has a problem, a deadline, needs something filled out, needs money at the last minute that I have to somehow pull outta my ass, or just needs a last minute miracle because God is a little busy taking care of really important stuff, people come to me.

Nikki can do it. Let her handle it. She's good at that. She knows what to do. She can help me with that. She knows where to find it. She has all the answers. Let me just pile her plate up more and more and more with all my f*ing problems so I can feel better about myself. She's used to giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Let me continue to take, take, take, take, take, and draw from her never-ending bucket without ever refilling it with anything. Just so that I can feel better about myself...

Well, you know what? My bucket is empty. I've got nothing else to give. Nothing. Nichevo. Nada. I'm done. Why do I have to tell you what to do all the time? Why do I have to mildly suggest that you do something that you know you should be doing in the first place? why do I always have to be the one you try to put down in order to pick yourself up? Why should I always have to be the one to cheer you on or to talk you down from the ledge? The answer is that I DON'T. And I WON'T. Not anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. Done.

Okay, I got that out. I'm better now. You are free to move about the country...

Merry Christmas!

I'm so disgustingly sick of political correctness. No one can say anything, it seems, for fear that someone will be offended. Well, you know what? Get over it or go somewhere where people say and believe the things you say and believe. Here, it's Christmas! Not Happy Holidays. Not Season's Greetings. Not Winter Wishes. Christmas. As in CHRIST. As in JESUS.

Jesus is the reason for this (and any other) season. So, Merry CHRISTmas!

Finally, someone who gets me

I've always been the kind of person who has had very few friends and several acquaintances. I guess that comes from growing up the way I did. Because of it, I've had trust issues and often find it hard to allow people beyond the mask. I guess the bottom line is that I am afraid of them somehow disappointing me. Maybe it's the other way around as well. Consequently, I find myself drawing back when it seems as if they are getting just a little too close. Just keep it superficial and everything is okay.

Well, something weird has happened. Last spring, my teaching team and I interviewed some teachers to replace two who were leaving (One was moving to a lower grade level and the other decided to stay home with her child). One of the openings would be my direct partner teacher. None of the applicants seemed to be "just right". They seemed nice enough, knowledgeable enough, and friendly enough, but none were quite right... until Tammi showed up. She had come to the interview after just a couple hours of sleep. Her mother-in-law had just passed and she actually left the funeral out of state to make the interview. She was smart and funny and had the right answers to our questions. I think everyone agreed she was a good match until... she mentioned she was the head of the social committee at her last school and enjoyed doing things together after work. (Insert sound of car tires screeching to a halt).

I could feel the other teammates' eyes on me when she said that because I do NOT like to hang out with my coworkers after work. Ummm, no. That's just not my thing. After the interview, the others thought I would immediately eliminate her from consideration, but there was something about her that I liked. A lot.

She did end up getting the job and we have become fast friends. In fact, she and I actually do hang out at work and after work. We immediately clicked, and she is quickly becoming my best friend. Coworkers, administrators, and even students often comment that we are just alike. We say the same things and think the exact same way, which is probably not a good thing since most of the comments we tend to hold in are rude! LOL!!!

I suppose the whole point I'm making here is that it's not good to prejudge people, especially based on our hangups. Had I disqualified her based on mine , I would have missed out on a really good friend and an outstanding partner teacher.

Slowly emerging from the fog

Well, I've needed to post for the last several weeks, but when it came time to do so, I just didn't feel like it. I don't know why, but I have been so down this holiday season. I shopped for the girls more than I probably should have. I guess I was trying to fill some kind of void. On the bright side, though, I found everything on sale and their faces told it all when they opened their gifts and ran around shouting, "Ooh, Mommy. I got a _______! I love it!!!"

When I last posted, I mentioned my friend whose father was terminal. Well, her dad passed, as did her son's father-in-law. It was pretty sad. Then, to top it all off, her dear husband's cancer had spread and they were going to have to go through surgery and treatment for him. I know that God makes no mistakes and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything we could ever ask or think. It's just that the humanly part of me can't help but feel so sad.

Besides that, I have felt such anxiety from hosting Christmas dinner. With certain members of my family, it seems that there is no get-together that is complete without their drama. I've spent the last few weeks really anticipating the nonsense. It did come with the territory, but I think I've gotten so much better with handling it without going the heck off. I call that progress!

Wise Beyond Her Years

As you should know by now, the princesses are prodigies of sorts. Tootie tends to be the free-spirited, fun loving twin and Lia is the more studious, deep thinker with a mature sense of humor. Both are beyond smart.

Yesterday, Tootie had to be taken to urgent care because she doubled over and started complaining about a stomachache. It turns out that she is a little bit anemic and has a urinary tract infection. (Not sure what caused either thing for her, but she is on antibiotics and will be following up with the pediatrician.) Anyway, Tootie is NEVER sick and hates taking medication with a passion. So, the idea if having to take an antibiotic TWICE a day is pure torture.

Well, last night after finally getting her to take the medicine, Tootie began pulling down her pants and heading to the bathroom seemingly to potty. She returned a hot second later and announced that she had spit the medicine out. I ran to the bathroom and saw that, sure enough, she had spit it all out into the toilet. I was so upset with her. Cool-headed Lia, though, took control of the situation. She went and got the medicine and dosing cup and said, "Tootie, you ARE going to take your medicine right now!" She handed the dosing cup to me and, obediently, I redosed, but at a smaller amount in case Tootie had swallowed something the first time. Tootie did take it and I checked her mouth to make sure it was gone. Then, I turned to pick up the bottle of medicine only to find that it was gone. Here is the exchange:

Me (to no one in particular): Where did the medicine go?
Lia: I put it on the counter in the kitchen.
Me (giving her a hug): Wow, Lia. You really know exactly what mommy needs sometimes before I have to ask. What would I do without you?
Lia: You would ask Daddy.
Me: So, true. So true. Baby, you are wise beyond your years.
Lia(giving me a hug): I know.

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving and I've been a little down. See, I put up many walls to my heart, but when someone finds their way on the other side, they are more dear to me than anything. When they hurt, I hurt... badly.

On Tuesday, I spoke with my friend and found out that she was on her way to see her father. Hospice was on the way over, and they were not sure if he would make it to Thanksgiving. Her daughter came in from out of town, and her son was going to have to do double duty since hospice was called in for HIS father-in-law as well. I was just too down for words. Then my friend said something to put it all back into perspective for me:

I'm not sad, though because my daddy knows the Lord. He will finally get a chance to see who he has spent his whole life waiting to see, and he won't be sick and suffering when he does.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway? In the midst of making a life for himself and his family, her daddy never forgot that he was also WAITING for something much bigger and better than the big house in the right neighborhood, the status cars and gadgets, and the never-ending list of the season's must-haves... Hmmmm.

We walk around here so busy all the time, running from project to project, task to task. We often seem to forget to stop and be thankful for the blessings of the day. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I love to say prayers with my girls at night and thank God for the blessings of the day. But the sad truth is that I sometimes rush through the prayers and think of them as no more than an item to be checked off of my daily to-do list. Just typing that confession fills me with a tremendous feeling of shame and sadness.

You see, I often think about the goals I've set and have yet to reach, and I allow them to sometimes overshadow the real blessings that mean everything to me. Here it is, I have a nice home in a good neighborhood, a vehicle I didn't even have to go shopping for. I just called and said what I wanted and it was delivered to my door. I have a job that really DOES make a difference. I have healthy, beautiful children who were born from my womb to supplement the healthy, beautiful ones born in my heart. I have a husband who loves to come home to his wife and children after work every day. I still have both of my parents, and I know my family all loves each other, despite our halos being a bit crooked. And I have great friends who love me and are there for me whether they are down the street or across the world.

Yes, I am a very blessed woman indeed. I am just sorry that I sometimes forget to acknowledge them because I've allowed myself to go about the business of forgetting that I, too, am waiting for something much bigger and better than the accoutrements of this life.

So, as we go about the business and "busy-ness" of this season, let us remember to laugh often, to love hard, and to strive to be a blessing and learn something along the way. This is not our home, folks. We are simply passing through on the way to something truly great.

Happy Thanksgiving!