Salience

A flickering light on a telephone to indicate new messages. A red dot in a sea of white. One black person's entrance into a room filled with people of other races. Salience. The quality of being different from the things around you. The one thing that poses the starkest contrast among surrounding items. Salience.

I first heard this term in a psychology class and immediately knew it would become one of my favorites. The professor said something to the effect that the item that is the most different holds the most power. Wow. I remember thinking, "Where do I get some of that stuff?" The truth is, I had it and never even knew it.

One person I knew from school used to say that her parents' major piece of advice for her was to always stand up and stand out. Mama just used to say to not just be different, but be the best. I wonder if the parents of our generation knew the word 'salient,' or if they just knew of the hope of salience. It's a great concept that is so simple, yet so profound.

Stand out. Be different. Be the best.

I look back on things now and recognize moments of being truly salient. Moments of being truly powerful. It's also in those moments that people have seen me and taken an instant dislike. They'd tell me later, "When I first saw you, I couldn't stand you. You acted like you thought you were better than everyone else." My response is always the same. "No, you noticed something different about me and YOU thought I was better. Now you know I'm just like everybody else."

Why do I add that last part to my response? I think most of it is to neutralize the truth of the first part.

We go through life trying to prove to others (and maybe to ourselves) that we are different from those people. The blanks can be filled in with so many words. Those Blacks. Those women. Those students. Those employees. Then, we spend the remainder of our time trying to prove to those people that we are just like everyone else. No wonder we live in a confused world! What is so wrong with being different anyway? Why ever should I apologize for possessing something powerful? It's like a person apologizing for having wealth.

I watched the movie, "Akeelah and the Bee" for the 1,000th time last night. The Marianne Williamson quote came back to me again.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Here is my pledge to myself: Each day I will choose to be BETTER than the day before. In all things. If being better means being different, so be it. I will continue to walk into a room with grace and confidence. (My friend, Monica, calls it keeping your stride stank.) If I stand out, great. I will have obtained a moment of power, and that's the whole point.