If you're anything like me, your life saw its share of triumphs and shortfalls. I like to think that, at the end of the year, I am able to look back over my life and see more successes than failures. That said, there are a few key areas that I really want to focus my self-improvement energies.
I need to do better about taking charge of my health and my eating. No more of this eating on the run stuff. I feel like crap and am starting look like I feel. Uh-uh. I'm much too cute for all of that! I also need to focus more on saving more of what I make. I do put money back, but I need to get focused on regaining my debt-free status. In order to do that, I must back away from the sales racks. Finally, I need to regain my peace of mind in terms of dropping off the remaining toxic relationships I have been holding onto. I can't change people. That is not my job. Some I will have to love from a distance and leave them and their nonsense on the other side of the street. I know I can't conquer every area simultaneously, so these are my starting points. When one goal is reached, I will add another to the list.
I know better, so I resolve to DO BETTER!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
My Babies
I am overwhelmed by just how quickly my babies are growing. It's so hard to believe that the little girls who are running around the house getting bigger by the day are the same little ones who fit in my shirt during kangaroo care.
I look at them and know there is a God...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Today is a good day
I was in a very bad place last yesterday. It's super rare for me to feel as I did, and I am so glad I got a chance to get it all out. I also had a chance to think about changes I need to make-- personally, professionally, and relationally. I really want 2009 to be the best year ever. Only I can take the necessary steps to making that a reality in EVERY area of my life.
The Bible tells us to write the vision. As soon as I get it all formulated in my head, I will be back to write it all here and put it on record.
Until then...
Happy Birthday to my cousin, Jackie, who is... *sigh* I don't dare reveal her age!
Congratulations to my friend and teammate, Lisa, on getting married today!
The Bible tells us to write the vision. As soon as I get it all formulated in my head, I will be back to write it all here and put it on record.
Until then...
Happy Birthday to my cousin, Jackie, who is... *sigh* I don't dare reveal her age!
Congratulations to my friend and teammate, Lisa, on getting married today!
Friday, December 26, 2008
One more thing...
Oh, and for the one who just called listing off all of the nice things you got for Christmas: Did it never occur to you that while I was busily juggling all of your cares that you cast on my plate, you didn't get me anything? Not that life is about taking score or anything, but still...
F*** you, too!
F*** you, too!
Sometimes You Just Gotta Be Selfish
Call this my allowed-once-a-year pity party. Call it a rant. Call it whatever the heck you like, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am not a selfish person. In fact, I probably spend more time being the least selfish in the bunch-- almost to my own detriment. I spend the majority of the year running around from point A to point B trying to get things done... mostly for other people. I give all day on my job and then come home and give some more. Whether someone has a problem, a deadline, needs something filled out, needs money at the last minute that I have to somehow pull outta my ass, or just needs a last minute miracle because God is a little busy taking care of really important stuff, people come to me.
Well, you know what? My bucket is empty. I've got nothing else to give. Nothing. Nichevo. Nada. I'm done. Why do I have to tell you what to do all the time? Why do I have to mildly suggest that you do something that you know you should be doing in the first place? why do I always have to be the one you try to put down in order to pick yourself up? Why should I always have to be the one to cheer you on or to talk you down from the ledge? The answer is that I DON'T. And I WON'T. Not anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. Done.
Okay, I got that out. I'm better now. You are free to move about the country...
I am not a selfish person. In fact, I probably spend more time being the least selfish in the bunch-- almost to my own detriment. I spend the majority of the year running around from point A to point B trying to get things done... mostly for other people. I give all day on my job and then come home and give some more. Whether someone has a problem, a deadline, needs something filled out, needs money at the last minute that I have to somehow pull outta my ass, or just needs a last minute miracle because God is a little busy taking care of really important stuff, people come to me.
Nikki can do it. Let her handle it. She's good at that. She knows what to do. She can help me with that. She knows where to find it. She has all the answers. Let me just pile her plate up more and more and more with all my f*ing problems so I can feel better about myself. She's used to giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Let me continue to take, take, take, take, take, and draw from her never-ending bucket without ever refilling it with anything. Just so that I can feel better about myself...
Well, you know what? My bucket is empty. I've got nothing else to give. Nothing. Nichevo. Nada. I'm done. Why do I have to tell you what to do all the time? Why do I have to mildly suggest that you do something that you know you should be doing in the first place? why do I always have to be the one you try to put down in order to pick yourself up? Why should I always have to be the one to cheer you on or to talk you down from the ledge? The answer is that I DON'T. And I WON'T. Not anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. Done.
Okay, I got that out. I'm better now. You are free to move about the country...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
I'm so disgustingly sick of political correctness. No one can say anything, it seems, for fear that someone will be offended. Well, you know what? Get over it or go somewhere where people say and believe the things you say and believe. Here, it's Christmas! Not Happy Holidays. Not Season's Greetings. Not Winter Wishes. Christmas. As in CHRIST. As in JESUS.
Jesus is the reason for this (and any other) season. So, Merry CHRISTmas!
Jesus is the reason for this (and any other) season. So, Merry CHRISTmas!
Finally, someone who gets me
I've always been the kind of person who has had very few friends and several acquaintances. I guess that comes from growing up the way I did. Because of it, I've had trust issues and often find it hard to allow people beyond the mask. I guess the bottom line is that I am afraid of them somehow disappointing me. Maybe it's the other way around as well. Consequently, I find myself drawing back when it seems as if they are getting just a little too close. Just keep it superficial and everything is okay.
Well, something weird has happened. Last spring, my teaching team and I interviewed some teachers to replace two who were leaving (One was moving to a lower grade level and the other decided to stay home with her child). One of the openings would be my direct partner teacher. None of the applicants seemed to be "just right". They seemed nice enough, knowledgeable enough, and friendly enough, but none were quite right... until Tammi showed up. She had come to the interview after just a couple hours of sleep. Her mother-in-law had just passed and she actually left the funeral out of state to make the interview. She was smart and funny and had the right answers to our questions. I think everyone agreed she was a good match until... she mentioned she was the head of the social committee at her last school and enjoyed doing things together after work. (Insert sound of car tires screeching to a halt).
I could feel the other teammates' eyes on me when she said that because I do NOT like to hang out with my coworkers after work. Ummm, no. That's just not my thing. After the interview, the others thought I would immediately eliminate her from consideration, but there was something about her that I liked. A lot.
She did end up getting the job and we have become fast friends. In fact, she and I actually do hang out at work and after work. We immediately clicked, and she is quickly becoming my best friend. Coworkers, administrators, and even students often comment that we are just alike. We say the same things and think the exact same way, which is probably not a good thing since most of the comments we tend to hold in are rude! LOL!!!
I suppose the whole point I'm making here is that it's not good to prejudge people, especially based on our hangups. Had I disqualified her based on mine , I would have missed out on a really good friend and an outstanding partner teacher.
Well, something weird has happened. Last spring, my teaching team and I interviewed some teachers to replace two who were leaving (One was moving to a lower grade level and the other decided to stay home with her child). One of the openings would be my direct partner teacher. None of the applicants seemed to be "just right". They seemed nice enough, knowledgeable enough, and friendly enough, but none were quite right... until Tammi showed up. She had come to the interview after just a couple hours of sleep. Her mother-in-law had just passed and she actually left the funeral out of state to make the interview. She was smart and funny and had the right answers to our questions. I think everyone agreed she was a good match until... she mentioned she was the head of the social committee at her last school and enjoyed doing things together after work. (Insert sound of car tires screeching to a halt).
I could feel the other teammates' eyes on me when she said that because I do NOT like to hang out with my coworkers after work. Ummm, no. That's just not my thing. After the interview, the others thought I would immediately eliminate her from consideration, but there was something about her that I liked. A lot.
She did end up getting the job and we have become fast friends. In fact, she and I actually do hang out at work and after work. We immediately clicked, and she is quickly becoming my best friend. Coworkers, administrators, and even students often comment that we are just alike. We say the same things and think the exact same way, which is probably not a good thing since most of the comments we tend to hold in are rude! LOL!!!
I suppose the whole point I'm making here is that it's not good to prejudge people, especially based on our hangups. Had I disqualified her based on mine , I would have missed out on a really good friend and an outstanding partner teacher.
Slowly emerging from the fog
Well, I've needed to post for the last several weeks, but when it came time to do so, I just didn't feel like it. I don't know why, but I have been so down this holiday season. I shopped for the girls more than I probably should have. I guess I was trying to fill some kind of void. On the bright side, though, I found everything on sale and their faces told it all when they opened their gifts and ran around shouting, "Ooh, Mommy. I got a _______! I love it!!!"
When I last posted, I mentioned my friend whose father was terminal. Well, her dad passed, as did her son's father-in-law. It was pretty sad. Then, to top it all off, her dear husband's cancer had spread and they were going to have to go through surgery and treatment for him. I know that God makes no mistakes and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything we could ever ask or think. It's just that the humanly part of me can't help but feel so sad.
Besides that, I have felt such anxiety from hosting Christmas dinner. With certain members of my family, it seems that there is no get-together that is complete without their drama. I've spent the last few weeks really anticipating the nonsense. It did come with the territory, but I think I've gotten so much better with handling it without going the heck off. I call that progress!
When I last posted, I mentioned my friend whose father was terminal. Well, her dad passed, as did her son's father-in-law. It was pretty sad. Then, to top it all off, her dear husband's cancer had spread and they were going to have to go through surgery and treatment for him. I know that God makes no mistakes and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything we could ever ask or think. It's just that the humanly part of me can't help but feel so sad.
Besides that, I have felt such anxiety from hosting Christmas dinner. With certain members of my family, it seems that there is no get-together that is complete without their drama. I've spent the last few weeks really anticipating the nonsense. It did come with the territory, but I think I've gotten so much better with handling it without going the heck off. I call that progress!
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