Seeing Me For the First Time in a Long Time

I caught a glimpse of myself getting out of the shower today. Trust me, it is a visual you DO NOT want! I thought, "Did I look this way yesterday?" I was not pleased with what I saw, knowing that I've been too busy and stressed out to really see myself... for a long time.

I went yesterday to get my baseline mammogram done. Yeah, I know I should have had that done when I was 35, but I let life get in the way. The first year, my excuse was the babies. The next couple of years, it was TAKS time and I didn't have time for it. Humph!

Why is it always that way? As women, we tend to put everything and everyone ahead of ourselves, much to our own detriment. I know there have been too many times to count when I have put the needs of my family, my friends, or my job ahead of my own. I don't even know how many times I have been sick as a dog, yet I'd pull myself out of the bed and forge ahead on wobbly legs just so I wouldn't disappoint someone who "needed" me.

Now, here I am struggling with my weight and my blood pressure with my hair standing all over my head wondering how I got to this place. The reality is that I know exactly how I got here. I put life and everything in it first, and I've had nothing left for ME.

But now I'm at a crossroads.

What good to anyone am I if I am dead? Sure, they love me and will miss me for a little while, but they will keep right on living and breathing and doing all the things I like to think they won't be able to do without me.

And what if my mammogram does show a problem? Other than solving the problem with my jacked up hair, how will I be able to take care of my business? I have GOT to get myself together. I look over at my husband and my kids and KNOW that it's something I HAVE to do.

Damn. (I hope that doesn't offend your delicate sensibilities!)

The problem is that I honestly don't even know where to start with fixing all of this. I've spent soooo many years trying to be all things to all people that I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be to myself. I know I have to prioritize, but there's so much that I need to work on right now that I can't even think straight.

There is a lesson here.

Never, never, NEVER allow yourself to be so far at the end of your priority list that you forget to do you. I know it is so hard for women who are wives, mothers, employees, church members, daughters, sisters... The list can be never-ending. But we must, Ladies, be willing to carve out time for ourselves. We must. If not, we wake up one morning, much as I did today, wondering how on earth we let our bodies, our health, our (hair!), our weight, finances... (You get the message; just fill in your own list)... get to a point where we do not recognize them at all.

We are more important than that. I'm more important than that. I just forgot for several long moments who I am and whose I am.

But now I remember.

And I hope you do, too.

So, if you will stand with me, I will make this journey. I really want you with me. And I want to be here, too. Not just for my husband or my kids or my students or my friends, but for me.

Now, where was I? Did I mention my hair is a mess? I'm gonna have to cut it and start over. Yeah.

Y'all pray for me, okay?