My Top Ten For a Lasting Marriage

Marriage is good. Really good. But it is work. Like a great garden, a marriage relationship is only as good as the time you spend cultivating the soil and tilling the land. Without the right amount of care, it will, before long, be overrun by unsightly weeds.

A friend recently asked me about marriage, specifically, what it is that keeps a marriage going. What makes a good marriage great? Well, I thought about it and thought some more and came up with my top ten (in no particular order). Here goes:

My Top Ten Keys To a Successful Marriage

1. Pray together at least once a day.
2. Have date night with your spouse once a week or, at the very least, twice per month. (And don't forget to hold hands!)
3. Try to keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship. If it needs a tune up or a recharge, do it immediately.
4. Remember that you two are a team, even through the inevitable adjustments from combining things "mine" and "yours". Talk about money, set joint financial goals, and don't "hide" money.
5. Never, never, never go to bed angry if you can help it. Since tomorrow is not promised, make every effort to come to some sort of resolution. Stated more clearly, be willing to be the first to apologize (no matter who started it). Then forgive, forgive, forgive... and mean it.
6. When things get rocky, as they sometimes do, remember what you love about your spouse today and look for it in them during those tough moments.
7. Make it a habit to look for at least one good thing that your spouse does that you can sincerely compliment him on or tell him you appreciate. Even if it's as small as telling him he smells nice after he gets out of the shower. Bottom line: Keep him feeling good about himself and he will give you the moon.
8. Never bring up past hurts or problems that your relationship has moved on from, especially not in the middle of an argument. That's also not the time to say ugly, hurtful things about his mama (even if she is fat, bald, snaggle-toothed, or country).
9. Don't allow yourself to get too tired or too busy to act silly sometimes. Laughter is the best medicine, especially in marriage.
10. Support his dreams and goals even if you think his idea will not work. If it does fail, he will love you for being in his corner without saying, "I told you so."

These Girls of Mine

It is not often that I am surprised by most people-- well, other than my twins, that is. It seems that I am always seeming to be amazed by something they say or do. Now, i know part of it is because they are mine, and like most parents, I think my girls are a couple of the smartest kids on earth. But more often than not, it is that they do something that seems to be ahead of where I, as an educator, think they should be developmentally.

Take today for example. I've been teaching my girls how to play the game of pool. Since they are waaay too small to play on a regulation sized table, I have been showing them the basics on a game called Pool Geometry on the Internet site CoolMath4Kids.com. (I know most people would not think of the relationship between pool and mathematics, but the game does require an understanding of Geometry-- specifically triangles). Anyway, they are good about telling me when either they (or I) scratch. They're also getting pretty good at aiming the cue stick so that the cue ball goes where it needs to go.

But I digress.

I told them that it was almost nap time, so they asked if we could play one game of pool. We did, and all was well. I then told them that it was time for their nap. Lia, the older twin, promptly told me that she was not planning to take a nap. Being the mom that I am, I politely gave her a choice. Here is how the exchange went:

Lia: I'm not taking a nap.
Me: Well, then, you have a choice to make. You can take a nap or get a spanking and take a nap.
Lia: Ummm, I'll take the pink one.
Me: What?? (accompanied by blank stare)
Lia: I'll take the pink one.

Now, for a few seconds I was totally confused. Then it hit me. When I buy something for them, I try to buy different colors to help them to distinguish one's property from the other. This is a MUST in our household. Usually, when there are things that are clearly girl items, I usually get one in pink and one in purple. They get to choose who gets what, but 99% of the time, Tootie chooses purple while Lia's choice is pink.

Without missing a beat, though, that little girl of mine burst out into a fit of laughter. She quickly said, "I'm just kidding. I'm going to take my nap."

Doesn't that sound like the humor and wit of someone much older than 4 years old? I knew it-- genius!

My mommy is NOT a teacher...

So, I'm not a teacher it seems... at least that is the story my four-year-old twins daughters are telling.

Once a week now, my girls go a fabulous in-home daycare that they've been at since they were 9 months old. They used to go there fulltime until my husband lost his job back in January. Since we could no longer afford it, she offered to keep the girls one day a week to give my husband a break and to allow him time to go on interviews. If he had to go more often, she has offered to keep them for the hours of his interviews. I love her so much because she loves my girls- and us- so much that she would do this for us.

Anyway, today her daughter was talking with the kids about their moms and the jobs they do away from home. She told my girls that their mommy is a teacher who goes to work at a school every day. Although my girls visit my school quite often after school, and have even been there at one point or another during the day, I guess it never really quite dawned on them that I was, in fact, a teacher. I don't know what they thought I did in my classroom. Regardless, this is how the exchange went:

Ms. C: So, Girls, your mommy is a teacher. She goes to work at a school every day.
Tootie: My mommy is NOT a teacher. She is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, yes, she is a mommy, but she is also a teacher. She teaches kids.
Tootie: Don't SAY that! My mommy is a MOMMY! She is not a teacher.
Ms. C: So, where does she work?
Tootie: She works at school in her classroom, but she is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, that's true, but she can be a mommy AND a teacher.
Tootie: Humph!

So, when they got to school with Daddy to pick me up today, the girls asked to visit my classroom. As we approached the door, Lia, the other twin, was bound and determined to get to the bottom of it all.

Lia: Mommy, are you a teacher?
Me: Yes, I am.
Lia: You ARE?
Me: Yes, I am. I teach kids who are in the 4th grade.
Lia: You DO? But you're a MOMMY!
Me: Yes, you are right. I am a mommy AND a teacher.

I guess they were satisfied with it and were able to accept the fact that I am both their mommy AND some other kids' teacher. Neither said anything, but I know Tootie is NOT going to want to tell Ms. C that she was right! LOL.

I love those little girls!

Moving On

Well, it is official! I will be moving up to fifth grade with my students next year. In order to do so, I had to take another certification exam which would allow me to teach all the way up to 8th grade. I took it a week ago and got my results Tuesday morning.

So, now that I have all of the paperwork side of it completed, I am on my way up. It's so funny, though, because my partner teacher and I had been threatening the kids by saying, "If you guys don't straighten up, one of us will be moving to 5th grade to make sure you get it together." Since my partner teacher and I are so much alike, to the kids, neither of the choices was better than the other. Both would mean they weren't getting an inch of wiggle room. It was so funny though, when one boy raised his hand all innocently and asked, "Couldn't Mrs. R move up with us instead?" Oh, my goodness. I HOWLED!!!

See, Mrs. R is also a partner teacher with us who teaches the Science. I love me some her because she is such a trip to me. We often tease her about being the sit-around-the-campfire-and-hold-hands-while-singing-Kumbaya-and-hugging-a-tree kind of person. Actually, she really isn't, but it's funny to say it anyway. She just looks at my other partner teacher and me, shakes her head, and walks away because she thinks we're completely crazy, I'm sure! Anyway, Mrs. R is the really loving part of our trio who may, for example, explain to the kids that it's not a healthful choice to lean back in your seat because you might fall, thereby causing yourself to suffer a concussion or worse. Of course, she then lovingly explains to them what a concussion is and why they really don't want one. I, on the other hand, take a sliiiiightly different approach: "Boy, if you fall back in that chair and crack your head open, you are NOT going to the nurse!" Either way, the chair legs come down.

When I finally told them that I would be moving, most cheered, but I could see a few who were not quite so giddy.

I love it! See, I already knew that a few were going to be shell-shocked. You know the ones. Those kids who make it a point to start the year off very slowly so the new teacher won't know exactly WHAT they know, allowing them to skate along for a while. Humph! No skating for them! They are going to have to hit the ground running because I already know what they know since I taught them in the first place.

Anyway, I don't know how I am going to handle the move. My partner teacher and I (the one just like me) are sooooo much alike that we think and say the exact same things at the exact same time. We always know what the other person is thinking and coming to work is a PAR-TY! Our students honestly don't know who is "crazier". They enjoy class (although they work their butts off) and, I believe, learn better because of it.

Having said that, I am moving to a team that is quite different from my current team. I lead a very relaxed classroom that is filled with laughter, talking, and lots of hands-on activities. Where I'm going, I think it's a little more structured, formal, and just-- well, different! Besides, the leader of that pack and I have previously had very strong words, so this should be interesting. I'll keep you posted on that one because sparks are SURE to fly.

Freaky-Deaky

I'm teaching a media literacy unit at school right now. I love doing this unit because I believe in the importance of teaching young people to be be knowledgeable consumers of products and information. It has been going pretty well with all of my classes, so I've felt good about everything.

Reality check!!

I thought I was doing some serious teaching today. A couple of boys who hadn't really paid attention without coercion all year seemed to be fully engrossed in our discussion. Well, what I found out later was that, since I had on a v-neck top today, they were looking at my cleavage.

Little pervs!

I told my husband when I got into the car this afternoon. Instead of wondering what was wrong with the boys like I did, he just laughed and said, "I'm just saying... I would've been looking, too." Big perv!

I'm not surprised, though. Anyone who teaches fourth grade can probably tell you about the hormone surge kids seem to go through between fourth and fifth grades. Kids get taller over the summer, girls start developing a little and going through their bodily changes, and boys get kind of mannish. What am I going to have to put up with next year when I move up with my classes?

Sheesh! I guess I'm going to have to wear turtlenecks every day!

My Twins are Four Years Old...

and I don't know where the time went. If you happen to see it, please let it know that I would like it back!

It seems like yesterday that I was having my (unexpected) c-section to bring them into the world. They were so small, and I was so scared to even touch them at first. They both fit into my shirt for kangaroo care, and we bonded like that for hours upon hours at a time. Me afraid to move a muscle for fear some magical moment would be forever lost. Them nestled in cozily trying to match the wild beating of my heart. There was something truly magical about those first couple of weeks. Something that could only have come from Heaven. I didn't speak loudly or want anything to steal that magic.



Oh, how times change!

This morning, Eliana and I had it out. See, both of my twins are strong-willed. This quality will serve them very well in the future, and I thank God that they were created just the way they are. However, their mother is also strong-willed. Ummm, yeah. So, those great qualities I see in them now are quite infuriating at times for me since they're only four! You know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Well, I asked Eliana to do something and she totally blew me off. I raised my voice with her very sharply when I told her to do it again. This little heffalump raised HER voice and said, "Mommy! I will do it, but don't don't yell at me like that!" Ooooookay! Now, if you know me well, then you know this created a LOT of problems. I was actually quite torn because I DO want them to be able to stand up for themselves, BUT Lord, have mercy because I had to catch myself before I worked that hiney out!

I said a little prayer and took a few deep breaths before I calmly began the following exchange:

Me: First, let me say that I am sorry for yelling at you because I don't want to be a mommy who yells at you.
Lia: It's okay, Mommy. It was an accident.
Me: (sighing) That said, if you ever talk to me like that again, Baby, I am going to build smoke in your pants from tearing your butt up!
Lia: I'm not a baby! I'm four years old now.
Me: Go away.
Lia: Mommy, I'm sorry for being rude to you.
Me: It's okay, Baby. It was an accident.
Lia: Humph!

Y'all pray for me, please, 'Cause she's going to get hurt if she keeps playing with me like that. I'm just saying...

Just a note...

Love you, my friend, and praying for each small step you take...