Let's get it together, Ladies

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend with whom I had lost touch. She was in a bad place and my heart really hurt for her. She told me about a relationship she was in that was not going the way she had thought it would. The guy, who had pursued her for quite some time, seemed to possess all of the qualities of an ideal mate plus a few not-so ideal qualities. Those not-so-ideal qualities were BIG ones. They should have been deal breakers, in my opinion.

However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!

This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.

I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.

Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?

Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.

Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.

Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.

My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.

Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.

Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”

I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:

If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.