Resolutions...

If you're anything like me, your life saw its share of triumphs and shortfalls. I like to think that, at the end of the year, I am able to look back over my life and see more successes than failures. That said, there are a few key areas that I really want to focus my self-improvement energies.

I need to do better about taking charge of my health and my eating. No more of this eating on the run stuff. I feel like crap and am starting look like I feel. Uh-uh. I'm much too cute for all of that! I also need to focus more on saving more of what I make. I do put money back, but I need to get focused on regaining my debt-free status. In order to do that, I must back away from the sales racks. Finally, I need to regain my peace of mind in terms of dropping off the remaining toxic relationships I have been holding onto. I can't change people. That is not my job. Some I will have to love from a distance and leave them and their nonsense on the other side of the street. I know I can't conquer every area simultaneously, so these are my starting points. When one goal is reached, I will add another to the list.

I know better, so I resolve to DO BETTER!

Duh!

It just dawned on my that I could upload images. *slapping self on the forehead!*

My Babies

I am overwhelmed by just how quickly my babies are growing. It's so hard to believe that the little girls who are running around the house getting bigger by the day are the same little ones who fit in my shirt during kangaroo care.

I look at them and know there is a God...

Today is a good day

I was in a very bad place last yesterday. It's super rare for me to feel as I did, and I am so glad I got a chance to get it all out. I also had a chance to think about changes I need to make-- personally, professionally, and relationally. I really want 2009 to be the best year ever. Only I can take the necessary steps to making that a reality in EVERY area of my life.

The Bible tells us to write the vision. As soon as I get it all formulated in my head, I will be back to write it all here and put it on record.

Until then...

Happy Birthday to my cousin, Jackie, who is... *sigh* I don't dare reveal her age!
Congratulations to my friend and teammate, Lisa, on getting married today!

Thanks

to my dear sisterfriend, Tammi. You know why...

One more thing...

Oh, and for the one who just called listing off all of the nice things you got for Christmas: Did it never occur to you that while I was busily juggling all of your cares that you cast on my plate, you didn't get me anything? Not that life is about taking score or anything, but still...

F*** you, too!

Sometimes You Just Gotta Be Selfish

Call this my allowed-once-a-year pity party. Call it a rant. Call it whatever the heck you like, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I am not a selfish person. In fact, I probably spend more time being the least selfish in the bunch-- almost to my own detriment. I spend the majority of the year running around from point A to point B trying to get things done... mostly for other people. I give all day on my job and then come home and give some more. Whether someone has a problem, a deadline, needs something filled out, needs money at the last minute that I have to somehow pull outta my ass, or just needs a last minute miracle because God is a little busy taking care of really important stuff, people come to me.

Nikki can do it. Let her handle it. She's good at that. She knows what to do. She can help me with that. She knows where to find it. She has all the answers. Let me just pile her plate up more and more and more with all my f*ing problems so I can feel better about myself. She's used to giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Giving. Let me continue to take, take, take, take, take, and draw from her never-ending bucket without ever refilling it with anything. Just so that I can feel better about myself...

Well, you know what? My bucket is empty. I've got nothing else to give. Nothing. Nichevo. Nada. I'm done. Why do I have to tell you what to do all the time? Why do I have to mildly suggest that you do something that you know you should be doing in the first place? why do I always have to be the one you try to put down in order to pick yourself up? Why should I always have to be the one to cheer you on or to talk you down from the ledge? The answer is that I DON'T. And I WON'T. Not anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. Done.

Okay, I got that out. I'm better now. You are free to move about the country...

Merry Christmas!

I'm so disgustingly sick of political correctness. No one can say anything, it seems, for fear that someone will be offended. Well, you know what? Get over it or go somewhere where people say and believe the things you say and believe. Here, it's Christmas! Not Happy Holidays. Not Season's Greetings. Not Winter Wishes. Christmas. As in CHRIST. As in JESUS.

Jesus is the reason for this (and any other) season. So, Merry CHRISTmas!

Finally, someone who gets me

I've always been the kind of person who has had very few friends and several acquaintances. I guess that comes from growing up the way I did. Because of it, I've had trust issues and often find it hard to allow people beyond the mask. I guess the bottom line is that I am afraid of them somehow disappointing me. Maybe it's the other way around as well. Consequently, I find myself drawing back when it seems as if they are getting just a little too close. Just keep it superficial and everything is okay.

Well, something weird has happened. Last spring, my teaching team and I interviewed some teachers to replace two who were leaving (One was moving to a lower grade level and the other decided to stay home with her child). One of the openings would be my direct partner teacher. None of the applicants seemed to be "just right". They seemed nice enough, knowledgeable enough, and friendly enough, but none were quite right... until Tammi showed up. She had come to the interview after just a couple hours of sleep. Her mother-in-law had just passed and she actually left the funeral out of state to make the interview. She was smart and funny and had the right answers to our questions. I think everyone agreed she was a good match until... she mentioned she was the head of the social committee at her last school and enjoyed doing things together after work. (Insert sound of car tires screeching to a halt).

I could feel the other teammates' eyes on me when she said that because I do NOT like to hang out with my coworkers after work. Ummm, no. That's just not my thing. After the interview, the others thought I would immediately eliminate her from consideration, but there was something about her that I liked. A lot.

She did end up getting the job and we have become fast friends. In fact, she and I actually do hang out at work and after work. We immediately clicked, and she is quickly becoming my best friend. Coworkers, administrators, and even students often comment that we are just alike. We say the same things and think the exact same way, which is probably not a good thing since most of the comments we tend to hold in are rude! LOL!!!

I suppose the whole point I'm making here is that it's not good to prejudge people, especially based on our hangups. Had I disqualified her based on mine , I would have missed out on a really good friend and an outstanding partner teacher.

Slowly emerging from the fog

Well, I've needed to post for the last several weeks, but when it came time to do so, I just didn't feel like it. I don't know why, but I have been so down this holiday season. I shopped for the girls more than I probably should have. I guess I was trying to fill some kind of void. On the bright side, though, I found everything on sale and their faces told it all when they opened their gifts and ran around shouting, "Ooh, Mommy. I got a _______! I love it!!!"

When I last posted, I mentioned my friend whose father was terminal. Well, her dad passed, as did her son's father-in-law. It was pretty sad. Then, to top it all off, her dear husband's cancer had spread and they were going to have to go through surgery and treatment for him. I know that God makes no mistakes and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything we could ever ask or think. It's just that the humanly part of me can't help but feel so sad.

Besides that, I have felt such anxiety from hosting Christmas dinner. With certain members of my family, it seems that there is no get-together that is complete without their drama. I've spent the last few weeks really anticipating the nonsense. It did come with the territory, but I think I've gotten so much better with handling it without going the heck off. I call that progress!

Wise Beyond Her Years

As you should know by now, the princesses are prodigies of sorts. Tootie tends to be the free-spirited, fun loving twin and Lia is the more studious, deep thinker with a mature sense of humor. Both are beyond smart.

Yesterday, Tootie had to be taken to urgent care because she doubled over and started complaining about a stomachache. It turns out that she is a little bit anemic and has a urinary tract infection. (Not sure what caused either thing for her, but she is on antibiotics and will be following up with the pediatrician.) Anyway, Tootie is NEVER sick and hates taking medication with a passion. So, the idea if having to take an antibiotic TWICE a day is pure torture.

Well, last night after finally getting her to take the medicine, Tootie began pulling down her pants and heading to the bathroom seemingly to potty. She returned a hot second later and announced that she had spit the medicine out. I ran to the bathroom and saw that, sure enough, she had spit it all out into the toilet. I was so upset with her. Cool-headed Lia, though, took control of the situation. She went and got the medicine and dosing cup and said, "Tootie, you ARE going to take your medicine right now!" She handed the dosing cup to me and, obediently, I redosed, but at a smaller amount in case Tootie had swallowed something the first time. Tootie did take it and I checked her mouth to make sure it was gone. Then, I turned to pick up the bottle of medicine only to find that it was gone. Here is the exchange:

Me (to no one in particular): Where did the medicine go?
Lia: I put it on the counter in the kitchen.
Me (giving her a hug): Wow, Lia. You really know exactly what mommy needs sometimes before I have to ask. What would I do without you?
Lia: You would ask Daddy.
Me: So, true. So true. Baby, you are wise beyond your years.
Lia(giving me a hug): I know.

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving and I've been a little down. See, I put up many walls to my heart, but when someone finds their way on the other side, they are more dear to me than anything. When they hurt, I hurt... badly.

On Tuesday, I spoke with my friend and found out that she was on her way to see her father. Hospice was on the way over, and they were not sure if he would make it to Thanksgiving. Her daughter came in from out of town, and her son was going to have to do double duty since hospice was called in for HIS father-in-law as well. I was just too down for words. Then my friend said something to put it all back into perspective for me:

I'm not sad, though because my daddy knows the Lord. He will finally get a chance to see who he has spent his whole life waiting to see, and he won't be sick and suffering when he does.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway? In the midst of making a life for himself and his family, her daddy never forgot that he was also WAITING for something much bigger and better than the big house in the right neighborhood, the status cars and gadgets, and the never-ending list of the season's must-haves... Hmmmm.

We walk around here so busy all the time, running from project to project, task to task. We often seem to forget to stop and be thankful for the blessings of the day. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I love to say prayers with my girls at night and thank God for the blessings of the day. But the sad truth is that I sometimes rush through the prayers and think of them as no more than an item to be checked off of my daily to-do list. Just typing that confession fills me with a tremendous feeling of shame and sadness.

You see, I often think about the goals I've set and have yet to reach, and I allow them to sometimes overshadow the real blessings that mean everything to me. Here it is, I have a nice home in a good neighborhood, a vehicle I didn't even have to go shopping for. I just called and said what I wanted and it was delivered to my door. I have a job that really DOES make a difference. I have healthy, beautiful children who were born from my womb to supplement the healthy, beautiful ones born in my heart. I have a husband who loves to come home to his wife and children after work every day. I still have both of my parents, and I know my family all loves each other, despite our halos being a bit crooked. And I have great friends who love me and are there for me whether they are down the street or across the world.

Yes, I am a very blessed woman indeed. I am just sorry that I sometimes forget to acknowledge them because I've allowed myself to go about the business of forgetting that I, too, am waiting for something much bigger and better than the accoutrements of this life.

So, as we go about the business and "busy-ness" of this season, let us remember to laugh often, to love hard, and to strive to be a blessing and learn something along the way. This is not our home, folks. We are simply passing through on the way to something truly great.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Three Year Olds' Christmas Lists and Other Problems

Would someone please, please, PLEASE help me to understand how and why my three year olds climbed into bed with me this morning with the big toy books from Toys R Us and Walmart, a notepad, and a pen so we could make out their Christmas lists. I honestly don't know where they get these things. I mean, one twin perused one book while the other twin was careful not to miss anything in the other book. Whenever they found their "must-haves", I had to write it down on the notepad (with the pen they also supplied, mind you). Ummm, yeah...

So, if anyone is interested in the must-haves of the season for children aged 2-4, please let me know. No, really. I have the ENTIRE list.

Oh, and just an aside... If you're able to explain the aforementioned events to me, could you also explain why they are currently sitting under the desk eating a slice of pizza and looking through the circulars? Thanks in advance!

Pizza Hut--Blacklisted!

Pizza Hut is the latest establishment to be added to my personal blacklist. I placed an order tonight and received the worst ever customer service. If you know me at all, you know how highly I value great service. You also know that I have already lodged a written complaint to their corporate offices. I'll keep you posted on their response.

They made me do it!

Now, I pride myself on being professional in most situations. Yesterday, though, not so much. I had been sick as a dog and was trying to make it through the day since I needed to give a curriculum assessment to my three classes. Well, on the way to daycare, Kalyn (Tootie) announced that she had to go potty. There was no place to stop at the time, so I told her she was going to have to hold it until we got to daycare at Ms. Jena's house. She gave me a weak, "Okay" so I knew she was struggling to hold it. After two more, "I have to pee-pee's" I stopped at this Shell station that also serves at a corner market/liquor store that I saw. Mind you, it was raining, so I had to take both girls out of the van in the rain, sick as a dog, with one child on my hip and one holding my hand while trying to balance the umbrella over the three of us somehow.

Well, I got to the door of the store and asked if they had a bathroom. Here is how the exchange went:

Me: Excuse me, but so you have a bathroom?
Older Korean Lady: Bah-woom?
Me: Baath-rooom. You know, restroom, potty, toilet, bathroom?
Older Korean Lady: Baaahk (pointing to some doors at the back of the store)

At this point, I am running through the store with the girls pleading with Tootie to hold on just a minute more. We got to the doors and found both doors locked. I turned to the front of the store and asked which door was the bathroom.

Younger Korean Man (who had been watching the entire thing): Bathroom no work.
Me: Then why in the heck didn't you say something when I asked at first?
Younger Korean Man: Bathroom at laundry mat down sigh-walk.
Me: You should've said that at first, hell! (I know. I NEVER talk like that around my girls, but I was ready to shank a fool at that moment.)

So, we go racing down the sidewalk of the strip center to the laundry mat where I once again pleaded with Tootie to just hang on a minute. Then I noticed for the first time that we had to walk through a bunch of guys who were waiting to be picked up for day laboring jobs. One even had the nerve to try to holler. I mean, did anything about my foul azz expression lead him to believe that I was looking for a damned date? I was REALLY ready to shank a fool at that point. We finally got to the laundromat and its nasty azz bathroom (no, it was really dirty). I didn't allow the girls to touch ANYTHING and held them up over the toilet to use it. When we got to daycare, I scrubbed their hands and mine.

I'm proud of Tootie for holding it as long as she did when I know she really had to go badly, but I'm telling you. If she had had an accident in that store, I would've been on the news because I was just that pissed.

I'm better now, and, thankfully, my girls didn't seem to notice the "hell" I added at the end of my exchange with the Korean dude. Please pray for me and my temper 'coz I really can't stress enough just how badly I was ready to set it off in that store.

Are You Smarter Than a Three Year Old?

Okay. I know most parents like to believe that their children are geniuses and everything they do is ahead of the curve. I am no different, and I am always amazed at the things they come up with. Take this morning, for example.

I am home from work today because I've been VERY sick and tried to ride it out. Finally, I just couldn't make it any further and had to break down and go to the doctor. Well, this morning Eliana (Lia) came up to me and said, "Mommy, E is for Eliana." I responded, "Why, yes it is. E is for Eliana." At the time, I was sending another copy of my substitute lesson plan to my partner teacher and giving her some instructions to pass along to the sub. Since I was on the computer, I asked Lia to point out an E to me (She knows all of her letters and numbers, mind you). To my surprise, she pointed to the number 3. I said, "No, Lia, that is incorrect. That is NOT the letter E. That is the number 3. Where is the letter E?" Lia looked at me with doubtful eyes, almost as if she thought her mommy, the teacher, was an idiot. She then pointed to the letter W. I said, "No, Lia, that is NOT the letter E. That is the Letter W." At that point, lia had had just about enough of me. She said, "No, Mommy. That is an E. See?" She then turned the computer keyboard to the right so that the W looked like an E (actually it looks like the Greek symbol Sigma, but you get it). Then, she turned my keyboard around until the number 3 looked like an E. At that point, she said, "See, Mommy. It's an E."

My response, you ask? There was nothing I could say but, "Well, I see that you are right when you turn the keyboard around. But just out of curiosity, if you didn't get to turn the keyboard around, which letter would be the E?" She replied, "Here's the real E" and pointed to the letter E. Then she got off my lap and announced that she was going to play with Daddy instead.

Sigh. Whatever!

Coke is NOT the real thing!

As a consumer and otherwise concerned American, I am so NOT happy with Coca-Cola. I understand that a business' bottom line is important, but I am not pleased with the way they are going about it.

You see, on December 1 (just a few weeks before Christmas, mind you), Coca-Cola will be laying off people here. Their offices handle much of the collections and back office type work. The operation is being outsources to Guatemala. Earlier in the year, there had been some buzz about this and which of the countries overseas would actually be the recipient of the outsourcing. Well, here it is.

Now, this is not the part I think is so cold. The severance package they announced earlier this year SUCKS! Apparently, employees will receive one week of pay for each year they've worked there. So, the lowly employee with one year of service would only get one week's pay. That's it. So, there will be a lot of kids this year wondering why Christmas missed their houses. Oh, and they have even been holding meetings telling the employees that their numbers are down and that they have to get productivity up. Ummm. Hello!!! You're firing them in a couple of weeks and you're wondering why in the hell morale is low?!! Let me help you here, Mr. Coke Guy. You're giving their jobs away to the Guatemalans you're currently training! But, to Coke's credit (I say this with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek), they are holding job search classes to help the employees get their resumes together so they can find other jobs. Ummm, one more thing, Mr. Coke Guy... the F-ing economy is on the verge of collapse and unemployment is the highest it's been in a decade! There's pretty much NO ONE hiring at year's end, you MORON!

I guess you can tell that I'm sooooo pissed, huh? It's just that, in light of all of the problems with the economy IN THIS COUNTRY, we have a company that has been pretty much synonymous with every American pasttime throwing even more Americans into the unemployment lines for the sake of a few more dollars, much of which will end up in senior level executive's pockets.

That's just great, Coca-Cola. You've lost my business and the business of many Americans, I hope, once this story gets out. Hey, but at least you're helping to boost the economy of Guatemala. Too bad that when vendors have to call you with an issue, they will be speaking to people who they can barely understand. As it is now, your IT department is in India and your employees have to wait up to two weeks to get logins and passwords that work.

Coke, you SUCK!!!! I hope you remember how you've treated your American employees when you want a government bailout within the year because your sales are down.

Politics Schmolitics

I frequent a site that belongs to a friend of mine. In light of the current political race, there is great deal of conversation about the getting-ever-so-heated race to the White House. Everyone who comments, from what I have seen, favor one candidate over the other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem I see is that there is this sentiment that if a person is not of the same political opinion, then that person is in some way not as smart as the rest of the enlightened folks. Call me crazy, but I often find myself playing devil's advocate for the opposing side.

You see, I believe in a fair fight. Even though we will more than likely agree on the candidate we're supporting in the end, I do not believe in blindly following any candidate. While I don't think my friend does this, I get the sense from some respondents that no matter what is said or done, their ears are completely closed to anything that is not in complete support of their chosen candidate. I think blind faith in a person is very dangerous. It's not just on that site either. I see and hear these exact things, just on the opposite side, with another group of people I'm friendly with.

Both sides consist of people who are highly intelligent, well-educated, well- read, and well-traveled. Yet, both sides will go to the death declaring that the other is misguided, unintelligent, and obviously out of touch with reality. Both sides tend to agree on one thing-- that the other is somehow not as highly evolved as they are.

So, where does the truth really lie? What really is in the best interest of the future of America? Both sides agree that there has to be change in some way. But, what is change? What does it look like? How elusive is it really that so many intelligent Americans cannot agree on it when they see it?

I'm so sick of people supposedly breaking down the issues in a nonpartisan way, while all the while including their slants and biases in creative wording as they break down the issues in a nonpartisan way. So, I'm going to break down the issues myself. I will include my opinions in a separate post after I present "just the facts." Maybe in doing so, we'll see which candidate really stands for what we stand for. Maybe there will even be a couple of surprises along the way. The election is a month away. Politically, that is an eternity.

I'm a pin cushion

Well, I've really gone and done it this time. If you know me at all, you know that I am a chronic shoulder-dislocater. For the past several weeks, I've been dealing with my latest dislocation-- the right shoulder this time, mind you. I apparently dislocated it while I slept. When Greg walked into the bedroom, the sound startled me, causing me to sit up quickly. That sudden movement is actually what popped it back into place.

I guess the good thing is that I already have shoulder immobilizers at home, so I was able to put it in a sling and go to work. As I walked through the halls, the fifth graders (My last year's fourth graders) simply replied, "Again?" Yes, again dammit! I guess it could have been worse, though. At least it went back in place without having to go to the hospital. I always hate when I cannot reset it because the paramedics have to come and they always ask the same questions repeatedly and look at poor Greg sideways because they think he's beating me up or something. In the midst of that excruciating pain, I always feel so sorry for my wonderful husband. He can't help me and people look at him like he's an abuser.

Anyway, one surgical group came very highly recommended by staff members as well as the nurse, so I agreed to see them. They were in network on the insurance and everything. However, I also researched and found another group that only deals with shoulder injuries. I liked the idea of them being shoulder specialists. They, too, were in network. I was really torn. What's a girl to do? I ended up going to see the group that was recommended by my peers. The people were nice enough, but the surgeon came in and said, "When I received my training, the only way to repair the shoulder of a chronic dislocater like yourself was to cut the whole thing open to fix it. Shoulder surgeries are much more advanced now. I can do your surgery, true, but you shouldn't want me to." Oooo-kaaaay. I appreciated the honesty and the fact that they were sending my paperwork ahead to a group of shoulder specialists they refer to and all, but still... What about my wasted copay?!

You already know where this conversation is going, don't you? I got the call from the shoulder specialists and... you guessed it. They were the same ones I considered calling in the first place! The doctor I'm scheduled to see is a former pro baseball player. I guess that's a neat thing. I just hope he is able to help me. I see him tomorrow afternoon, so I'll be able to update more after that.

Happy Anniversary!

Ten years ago today, my husband, Gregory, and I vowed to share our lives together. I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did ten years ago. We have grown together in so many ways. It's funny to think that we almost never were even a couple!

Greg is nine years older than I am, so, although he liked me, he was afraid that I might be too young for him. We flirted back and forth and I always thought he would ask me out, but he never did! So, I decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and made the first move. I made small talk with him like we'd done so many times before. After a while, I finally got up the nerve to make my move.

Me: You know, I always got the impression that you were going to ask me out, but you never did.
Greg: I guess I missed my chance, huh?
Me (with a sly, flirtatious smile): You have not because you ask not.

I walked away at that point, making sure to add a little extra umph to my stride (and so he could catch a glimpse of the bootay!) He asked me out later that day, and we've been together ever since!

I still laugh to myself when I think of how far we've come in our ten years of marriage. Our life together has truly been a journey. We've gotten one child out of school, another in his junior year, both as honor students. We have beautiful twin girls who light up our lives, and we have a marriage that is solid. God has been good to us, even through the toughest of storms-- and we've weathered our share of those as well.

Whenever I think about my love, I think about his eyes. They truly tell the story-- our story. Each time I look into his eyes, I remember. Days... events... moments frozen in time. I remember the worry throughout my numerous illnesses, procedures, and surgeries-- no one has ever been so concerned about me. I remember the very moment he looked at our premature daughters, barely six pounds in total. The look of fear was there from being responsible for two brand-new lives, so tiny and helpless; but the look of pride was also present when he immediately recognized fighters when he saw them. Then, I saw hope in knowing that they would one day make indelible marks upon the world while all the while trusting us to be their very first teachers, their loudest cheerleaders, and as my friend Janice said today, their soft place to land. I remember the look of pride whenever he talks about the kids or me. I remember the look in his eyes when we rededicated our lives to each other in a ceremony held just for the two of us. The love I saw there was so deep, so strong and so unyielding. Over the years, I've seen so many things in the depths of his eyes, and I am so honored to have been blessed to share time and space with a man who loves me and our family in the deepest, strongest, purest love possible.

Happy Anniversary, Gregory. You truly are the love of my life.

Kudos to Senator Obama

It did my heart good to hear Sen. Obama's response to the Gov. Palin family crisis. What a classy (and yes, politically savvy) stand to take to reiterate that people's families are off limits in political attacks. I love a fair fight and hope everyone decides to play by those rules.

Am I being too idealistic?

GOP: Stupidity or Political Genius?

On virtually every website I've visited today, there has been almost as much mention of Alaska governor and Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, as there has been on Hurricane Gustav. So, let me add my two cents to the mix.

I've thought about this candidate selection over the last few days and can't decide whether it was one of pure stupidity or pure genius. The more my musings continue (and maybe the more exhausted I become), I'm beginning to lean toward the latter.

Let's really look at this.

First, when the announcement was made that John McCain had selected his running mate and that it was a young (44), nice-looking woman named Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, I, like most Americans, immediately said, "Who?" I think it was very important for the GOP to counter the sentiment of many moderates and independents who believed that McCain was such a champion of the current administration and, thereby too close to them for comfort. They had to find someone who had at least some leadership experience without the long-standing status as a member of the "good old boy's" club. So, here is this relatively unknown rising star in the Republican party, a governor (albeit a relatively new governor), a former beauty queen (that one is for the guys), and a mother of five (appeals to women). A virtual political trifecta, right?

Second, she brings something to the table that will appeal to most Americans after the dust settles. What is it you ask? Well, let me put it this way: when we ask Americans what is the biggest concern affecting them right now, it is not the war in Iraq or abortion. It is the high cost of gas. Well, Republicans have been looking at exploring for oil offshore of Alaska. Oh, lookie here! Sarah Palin is the governor of (let's say it together now) ALASKA! Hmmm. If you want your gas prices to go down and have us not as dependent upon Saudi oil, then here's the party for you. I can hear it now: A vote for McCain/Palin is a vote for lower gas prices. Most of the portion of Americans I refer to as "sheeple" will eventually look at this and say, as if in a trance, "Must get lower prices. Must get lower prices." Here is where I feel this pick is pure genius.

Now, Palin is not without her own baggage. Immediately, rumors abounded about the youngest of the clan actually belonging to her daughter and that she faked the pregnancy. Although in the photos I could drum up, she did not look pregnant (especially with her fifth child), things looked suspicious, yet doubtful as to the pregnancy being faked. Now, there seems to be an announcement that, despite the daughter, now 17, not being baby Trig's mother, the teen (named Bristol) is actually pregnant out of wedlock and planning to marry the baby's father. Wow. This is getting to be too hard to keep up with. All they need is a tap-dancing monkey, a partridge, and a pear tree.

Now, I hear people pointing and saying things like, "Oh, look at her and all those hypocritical Republicans." First of all, not all Republicans are bible-thumping hypocrites, just as not all liberals are whining welfare recipients waiting for the next round of governmental handouts. Not all black people have bad credit and babies out of wedlock. Not all white people have good credit and are closet racists. Not all Asians are smart. Not all Hispanics have lots of kids and live 14 people to a house. These over-reaching stereotypes are just plain stupid! Wake up, People, and stop being stupid!

Having said all of that, the conspiracy theorist in me can't help but, at least for a moment, toy with the possibility that this recent announcement about Bristol Palin is indeed a cover-up for the girl actually being Baby Trig's mother. Seeing that one recent photo I saw shows Bristol with a pretty full bosom (which could indicate being pregnant or recently giving birth), she could be pretending to be pregnant now (to explain the fuller bosom) and soon, conveniently "lose" the baby she's carrying. In that scenario, speculation would be off of them about Trig since she couldn't possibly be pregnant at the same time she would have delivered baby Trig. Plus, she would not be under the gun, so to speak, about having to get married, and all of this would soon blow over and be seen as simply a teen mistake.

If indeed this is the case, I am so upset at how this is all so unnecessary. They could have just owned up to it from the beginning and been done with it. Teens make mistakes. We can do without all of these lies to cover up lies to cover up even more lies. I'm wondering if the idea to hatch the fake pregnancy plan came about when it was discovered that Palin's name was listed as a potential GOP VP pick. It would completely undermine all she represented if she appeared on the scene with an unmarried and pregnant teenage daughter who obviously did not heed the abstinence lessons her mom so strongly supports.

Of course, this is only me toying with the worst case scenario. I sincerely hope there was no cover-up here and that this family is a victim of a teen making a choice that goes against the family's beliefs. We all struggle with our teens in one way or another, so my heart goes out to them. If not for the grace of God, we might have found ourselves in a similar position, so I'm not one to cast stones at them.

Advanced Maternal Age

All this talk about the new Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, had me thinking about this today.

I REALLY hate the term, "Advanced Maternal Age."! It's as if we're saying that women have an expiration date of 35 (or younger!) if they're to be able to have a child. That is just nonsense to me! We live in a society where people are living longer and delaying marriage and childbirth. As a result, we see women- like a good friend of mine- who are having their first children at the age of 43. Yeah, I know all about diminished ovarian reserve and the higher incidences of chromosomal abnormalities such as Down's Syndrome, but still-- we are hearing more and more often about women extending childbirth years well into their fifties. Heck, a couple have even been upwards of 70! (Although, that is taking it waaaay too far, in my opinion).

No, I'm not looking at trying for just one more. There will be no more for us, at least not of the biological variety! I have several friends who are or will soon be cycling (two are doing IVF and one is doing a medicated IUI right now). Plus, one friend is talking about doing another cycle within the year to add a sibling, and one of my partner teachers has suffered many losses and is looking at having a child. Each of the people I'm thinking of are considered advanced maternal age in medical terms, although to know them would suggest no such thing.

Traditionally, a woman is labeled AMA when she becomes pregnant at the age of 35 or older. However, when I (finally!) became pregnant with my twins, I was sent to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, or perinatologist, because I was considered high risk for several reasons. I do suffer from hypertension and knew that would be an issue in addition to my carrying multiples, but the doctor put AMA on my chart as well.

Oh, hell no! Pump the brakes!

Me (oh, so sweetly): Excuse me, Doctor, but you put 'AMA ' on my chart, but I am only 33. When I have the babies I will only be 34.

Doctor: Yes, that's true for a singleton, but with multiples, we consider people AMA at the age of 33.

Well, I'll be damned! Women are in the news often these days for having babies at 58, 62, and even 70. So, how did I get to be considered "Advanced Maternal Age" at 33? They offered me an amniocentesis and everything! I declined that, though, because the results had no bearing whatsoever on whether or no we would keep the babies, and the pregnancy proceeded pretty well. It's just that that label stuck in my craw the entire time. Humph! Advanced maternal age my eye! Some days I'm a bigger kid than my (now) toddlers!

Of course, I usually have to take a long soak in a hot bath of lavender-scented epsom salts after all that youthful exuberance, but still...

It's High School Football Time!

I went to Ryan's football game on Friday night. Greg decided to stay home with the girls because he was really exhausted from his day and wasn't feeling too well. I was tired, too, but one of us has to go to support Ryan's team, so it was me. To my surprise, my mom also wanted to go!

The atmosphere was great! Mama and I excitedly made our way through the crush of bodies and the sea of chatter all around. All traces of the fatigue I felt on the way there melted away and I was ready to be loud, rowdy, and proud! (Okay, not too rowdy 'cause I don't really 'get down like that', but you get the picture). It was almost time for the teams to burst onto the field when they showed up! Think of the tightest, shortest outfits you can and you'll begin to get an idea of what some of the hot mamas at the high school wore. All I could see was BANG! POW! and BOOM! I really wondered if their mothers saw them before they left the house. They could not possibly have allowed this. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the unthinkable happened-- the group of young "ladies" opened their mouths to speak.

In the words of Florida Evans, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

I saw flashes of gold teeth (who still does that?), and heard cussing and ebonics (and not all of them were Black) until I felt my ears would bleed. A couple of the girls looked behind them, saw my teacher badge, and shushed the others. Surprisingly, they looked back and one even apologized. I was shocked and then embarrassed about pre-judging them by their appearance. After all, they seemed to have some redeeming qualities. In the end, I decided that they were probably good kids who either acted like that to fit in, or they'd learned these patterns of behavior from their parents. I wanted to grab them up, one by one, and hug those babies and tell them I'd be glad to mentor them or pair them up with mentors who will show them the good parts of life, but then...

But then...

the boys burst onto the field! Hell, I'm a mama and my baby was on the field. I'd have to think of ways to help those girls later. Yep, it's high school football time, Folks! I'm a mama with a son who plays on his varsity team. He's really good, too.

But I am also a teacher... and a woman... and a part of this community that we often refer to as the village it takes to raise a child. I think of those young ladies, and my heart hurts; and I am so ashamed because I dismissed them from my mind until just this moment...

Olympic Swimming

Michael Phelps is on fire!

That's all I wanted to say...

Reminiscent

I received an email yesterday. Normally, I would delete a forward without reading it, but this one caught my attention and I read it. In it was a simple, yet profound lesson: do not spend a great deal of time wondering about people from your past and pondering what might have been. There is a reason those people didn't make it to your present.

Now, I have been fortunate enough to have loved and been loved very deeply in my lifetime. I think my first real love was a guy I dated while living in California. His name was David. He taught me how I was supposed to be treated by a man and set the bar for any coming after him very high. I am eternally grateful to him for that because it kept me from having to kiss a lot of extra frogs in search of my prince charming! I have thought of David over the years and wondered how his life turned out. I'm sure it's a good one because he was a good guy, but I don't dwell on it because I recognize that people come into our lives but for a season. Once the intended lesson is learned, we move on to the next life's lesson.

Fast forward to today. In a couple of weeks, my husband, Gregory, and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary! I'll be honest and tell you that I was not so sure about years 2-3! But GOD said differently and here we are. I cannot imagine being anywhere else. You see, our love has moved away from the eros kind of love, although the physical is important and has a place. We also have the phileo, or good friend kind of love, because we genuinely like each other (most days!) Above that, though, we daily find a renewed sense of agape love that is unconditional, tried, true, and in spite of, rather than because of.

Baby-- Thanks for loving me "in spite of" so many things...

I'm baaaack!

It has been a month since I posted something. Actually, I had several items prepared in draft form, but I got so busy preparing for the new school year that I forgot to post them. They're old news now, so I'm starting over today.

It's funny because I get like this during the summer. Almost tunnel vision to where I see nothing but themes and laminate and school ideas. I'm a little obsessive about it, but once I'm done I'm ready for the year.

I'll keep you posted!

Stupid Black Men

That's the title of the new book by Larry Elder. Do you remember him? He has a conservative radio program based out of LA, but also used to be the "judge" on the show, "Moral Court". The title is a bit of a misnomer, though, because the book is not specifically targeting black men, but could actually be applied to people of all racial backgrounds and both genders.

I have to say that I originally selected the book because of the title. I mean, here was an obviously black man calling other black men stupid. What was really going on? I couldn't wait to get home to read it. In a nutshell, it talked about the ways media outlets, talking heads such as Jesse and Al, et al have gotten black people in a place of complacency. To the point that many black people think they are entitled to something in life simply for being black and not for working hard. Okay, I see that mentality while working as an educator. He also goes on to make the point that not everything is racial. I agree with that, too.

Overall, I admit to liking this book. I agree with most of the points he made, but then again, I am also a pretty conservative thinker. I still don't get the whole title thing, but I guess that's part of the genius here. It certainly catches attention and causes it to stand out among all of the new releases.

The Obamas

Was it just me, or did anyone else like the interview with the Obama family that aired last week? They seemed so down to earth and NORMAL. You can tell they are new to all of this because they still are seemingly normal people sans a stick up their butts. How refreshing is that!

Conspiracy Theories

There is a buzz afoot about impeaching the current administration. Many people cite the "lie" about I.raq having weapons. of. mass. destruction when they really had none. Hmmm. You might think that's a valid solution to today's problem, and I won't entertain the arguments for or against too much right now, but I do think the logic behind this is a little faulty. For one, I actually believe they DID/STILL DO have them.

I know what you're thinking, but go with me on this one a minute.

First, why WOULDN'T they have them? Remember when I.raq was at war with I.ran? At the time, I.ran was our public enemy number one, right? So, if you have two countries at war-- one of those being our enemy of the day-- why wouldn't we have taken steps to support them with arms? You know the saying: "An enemy of my enemy is my friend."

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe they had them and they got them from us. Fast forward to today. If you have an administration justifying a war, they can't very well say, "We're going to go over Country X and strip them of all the W.M.D.'s they have that we sold to them, and we're going to need you all to finance it." No, that wouldn't go over very well. Not at all.

Instead, there had to be another way around it. How about this: give the U.N. inspectors months and months to fart around while being blocked at the gates, particularly after a leader of a country stated they'd allow them in. Hmmmm. Did it occur to no one that they may have been using that time to hide them or even move them into S.yria? I heard on alternative radio reports of satellite images of convoys going into S.yria, but that info never made mainstream media for some reason (Ha!) and was seemingly forgotten. So, of course none were found. They had months to move them! Since the inspectors couldn't get in for those months and months, we could justify defiance and probable guilt. Ding!Ding!Ding! Instant support to go over and do what we really wanted to do, even though we knew we'd have to deal with the W.M.D. problem later. Eventually, it would blow over as so many other things had in previous administrations. Yeah, right!

I think that, more than anything, this administration is guilty of groupthink similar to what happened with the Bay of Pigs incident. No one close to the president was willing to say, "Hey, this is not a good idea" or "With all due respect, you're forgetting to look at this." Oh, well, one person was--Colin Powell-- and he had to G-O... with the quickness. Instead, it looks like we have a lot of yes men (and women) in Washington who are saying, "Yeah, looking good. Oh, we can deal with all that after the fact." Yeah, well, welcome to today's problems. Thanks a lot!

Confession Time

I have a confession to make.

Ssshh! Come closer!

I'm going to vote for Barack Obama.

I know, I know. If you know me at all you're wondering what happened to turn this staunchly conservative chick into "one of them." Well, first and foremost, I am still conservative in my thinking. I just don't like dirty politics.

From the beginning of all this, my guy was Mike Huckabee. He matched my views on pretty much everything. Had he been the presumptive Republican nominee, he would've been my guy. Sorry to any Obama supporters. It is what it is.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not jumping headlong onto the Democratic bandwagon; no, not by a long shot. I still am for privatizing Social Security and the definition of marriage being one man and one woman. I also think abortion is wrong and immoral, although I don't believe in legislating morality. I am all for conservative principles. I just can't bring myself to even fathom the idea of John McCain. I. just. can't. Besides, he creeps me out. He looks like he is a comic strip character. And those short arms. Eeewww. Other than the physical, I do not like that he tends to be a more "liberal" Republican. Either be liberal or be conservative, will ya! Plus, I'm just so disappointed in our current administration that anyone who is even closely related makes me cringe.

I will admit it. I voted for "W" twice. The first time was to avoid having Al Gore and the second was because John Kerry seemed to be willing to give away the farm in an attempt to make friends out of people who have no intention of being friends. A great way to get a hug and a stake in your back at the same time, JK. No, thank you. I was willing to take my chances with the "dumb" guy. True, "W" was not even close to my ideal candidate, but he did have the "crazy" factor that we all needed after 9/11. *sigh*

The N- Word

It never ceases to amaze me just how much power one word can hold. The N-word, as it's now politically correct to call it, is one word that can be a term of endearment for some and prelude to a fight for others. The older I get, the more it is getting to be just a word. Perhaps it's because I recognize that it only holds power because we choose to give our power over to it and to the users of it.

I have this ongoing joke with my colleagues that I don't mind being called the word. I've been called it may times before, and I will probably be called it many, many more times before I leave this world. I refuse to give any person that much power over my emotions. Instead, I respond in a much more sinister fashion: I sear my black image right into their brains! If you really want to piss a racist off, just do what I've been known to do on occasion: follow their butts around and relentlessly share with them the history of the word. Draw it all out so that it takes at least ten minutes. When they move away, you move with them, but don't stop talking. I do it so sweetly that, to the casual observer, it looks as if I'm just a nice lady taking the time to drop some knowledge on some poorly educated schmuck. Will it change a racist's views? Probably not; but that's not the point in the first place. It pisses them off and transfers that negative energy back onto them. The next time they make a decision to call someone by the word, they will be reminded of you and the unpleasant experience they had when they said it to you. They still may say it, but you will surely be one n- word that they won't soon forget. But that's just me and the way I think. Of course, this may not work for everyone. Some racists may decide to get mad that the negative energy has been transferred and want to engage in a little fisticuffs. In that case, handle your business. Then, drop the knowledge on them while you have them in a headlock. Just before you either walk away or release them from a headlock, you should probably give them the proverbial gut punch by saying, "I know you didn't want to hear all of this, but I want to make sure that the next time you decide to use big words, you will at least know the whole meaning behind one of them and won't sound like such an ignorant ass!" Then smile and wish them a good day.

Write the Vision

The Bible instructs us to "write the vision and make it plain." Yes, I understand that it is talking about writing down prophetic visions, but studies show that we are more likely to follow through on our goals if we write them down. Memories are forgotten over time, but when we put our dreams into writing, they become much more than thoughts. They become real, tangible.

For a long time-- much longer than I care to mention-- I've considered writing a book. I am the consummate storyteller. Not a story teller as in liar, but someone who knows how to deliver a good tale. The thing that makes my stories seem so fascinating to people is that they are actually TRUE! I guess truth really is stranger than fiction.

I always thought I'd write non-fiction first. I have thought of chronicling my many years of struggling with infertility, and the events that finally led to me receiving my miracles (in the form of twins). I also thought about writing a book of encouragement for people struggling through it right now. I wanted to use short case studies of the many people I know who are currently going through and/or have gone through their own fertility challenges. I wanted to record the paths they took to either see the fulfillment of their dreams, make the decision to keep trying, or make the painful choice to walk away from treatment and forge a different path. Or I could write a book retelling hilarious (and sometimes shocking) events I witnessed during the time I worked for a local law enforcement agency. And I can't forget the gazillion noteworthy moments that are forever etched into my brain from being an educator. The reality is that I have lots of stories to tell. Still, I often hear myself saying, "Oh, I'll do that someday" and go on about my business. Someday has always seemed a long way off.

Or so I thought.

While I was writing the post about salience yesterday, I had originally recounted an experience I had when we first moved from the city to the suburbs. After typing it, I instantly knew that the story was meant to be the beginning of my book. I am going to write a semi-autobiographical novel. It will be fiction, but based upon true events.

I am writing the vision. I am the Thinking Princess, and I am going to write a novel. I am going to write a novel. I AM GOING TO WRITE A NOVEL. My someday begins today.

What ever happened to service?

I got my first job when I was in the 11th grade. I had just turned 15. After months of going job hunting (well, more like application collecting), my mother convinced me to stop at the Wendy's restaurant across the street from the local mall. The area was pretty nice and the people had money to spend. I got interviewed and hired on the spot. When I reported to work the next day, I had this image in my mind of being trained to cook french fries since, as everybody knows, if you're the low man (or woman!) on the totem pole, you've gotta start on fries. Well, not so! My manager spent the whole first half of my day, it seems, on teaching good customer service. How to greet the customers, how to handle certain situations, what to say, what not to say-- you get the picture. It was so important, because that particular restaurant used to always win awards for great service, and, after all, it was a good area filled with people who had money to spend and who expected good service. This training was especially good for me because I grew up with a mother who tended to be tactless. I often told her about it and asked her to try to use more tact in dealing with situations. Her response?

So, when I'm on my deathbed and I can't say I love you, remember it's because you had me spending all that extra breath being tactful, alright?

Now, Mama wasn't just a little bit tactless. Oh, no. She took tactless to a whole different level. On one occasion, a person with bad breath came up to speak with her. Instead of grinning and bearing it, as many people would have, Mama held up her hand to stop the guy. She then did the unthinkable. She reached into her purse for a stick of chewing gum. She said, "Baby, before you say anything else to me, chew on this." The obviously embarrassed guy took the gum and chewed it. To his credit (and what could only have been a serious desire to sell his product), he went on giving his spiel. Mama listened, but still didn't buy whatever it was he was selling, if I remember correctly.

Do you see why the customer service training I received at Wendy's was so vital?

Little did I know at the time, but that training on customer care still resonates for me today. I noticed that some customers came to the restaurant several times per week. One older Jaguar-driving man used to come by every day. He would order food on some occasions and only a drink on others. He always paid with a $20 and always told me (or whoever worked the drive- thru register) to keep the change. One day I mustered up the courage to mention the fact that he came every day. His response was that he liked to spend his money where he received good service. That response has stayed with me the twenty or so years that I've been gone from Wendy's.

You see, since I learned how to give good service, I also, by extension, came to recognize it when I saw it. Ultimately, I came to expect good service and was willing to spend my dollars in places where I received it. Even if it meant paying more. I always try to fill out customer comments cards and I frequently ask to speak with the managers of restaurants, especially if I received great service. There is nothing like seeing the manager's face as he tries to read you to see just how unhappy or dissatisfied you might be before approaching you. I love to see the change in features as they hear of the glowing report of an employee's high level of customer care, knowing that they were expecting a berating.

So, if we know that good service breeds repeat customers and, consequently, increased revenue for a business, then what has caused such a disconnect today? I go to places nowadays and am appalled by the lack of customer care I see. Is it the fault of business schools? Are managers not stressing service? Do employees just not care? Is this a societal issue? It's not just restaurants, either. I see a decline in service across the board -- from retail to medical industries. What went wrong in the service department, and how do we fix it?

I guess this is on my mind because I have received the worst service ever from my phone/TV/Internet provider. Hey, I pay them good money every month and expect better. Instead of them coming right out to fix the problem, I received broken appointments, one incompetent repairman, more broken appointments, and another repair person who outright lied and said he came to my home to fix the problem and waited 45 minutes, but we were not home. That was a real deal-breaker for me. It wasn't until I called for the seventh time and expressed to them that I would be finding better service with another company posthaste did they happen to send out a completely competent and thorough repairman. He even gave me the direct phone number and email address to the person I really should be calling to lodge my complaint, instead of calling the 1-800 number I was given over the phone. I'm still seriously considering changing providers, but the last guy gave me OUTSTANDING customer service, which appeased me (a little). It's amazing how far one person's decision to provide stellar customer care goes toward repairing a breach. Why don't companies today understand this?

Salience

A flickering light on a telephone to indicate new messages. A red dot in a sea of white. One black person's entrance into a room filled with people of other races. Salience. The quality of being different from the things around you. The one thing that poses the starkest contrast among surrounding items. Salience.

I first heard this term in a psychology class and immediately knew it would become one of my favorites. The professor said something to the effect that the item that is the most different holds the most power. Wow. I remember thinking, "Where do I get some of that stuff?" The truth is, I had it and never even knew it.

One person I knew from school used to say that her parents' major piece of advice for her was to always stand up and stand out. Mama just used to say to not just be different, but be the best. I wonder if the parents of our generation knew the word 'salient,' or if they just knew of the hope of salience. It's a great concept that is so simple, yet so profound.

Stand out. Be different. Be the best.

I look back on things now and recognize moments of being truly salient. Moments of being truly powerful. It's also in those moments that people have seen me and taken an instant dislike. They'd tell me later, "When I first saw you, I couldn't stand you. You acted like you thought you were better than everyone else." My response is always the same. "No, you noticed something different about me and YOU thought I was better. Now you know I'm just like everybody else."

Why do I add that last part to my response? I think most of it is to neutralize the truth of the first part.

We go through life trying to prove to others (and maybe to ourselves) that we are different from those people. The blanks can be filled in with so many words. Those Blacks. Those women. Those students. Those employees. Then, we spend the remainder of our time trying to prove to those people that we are just like everyone else. No wonder we live in a confused world! What is so wrong with being different anyway? Why ever should I apologize for possessing something powerful? It's like a person apologizing for having wealth.

I watched the movie, "Akeelah and the Bee" for the 1,000th time last night. The Marianne Williamson quote came back to me again.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Here is my pledge to myself: Each day I will choose to be BETTER than the day before. In all things. If being better means being different, so be it. I will continue to walk into a room with grace and confidence. (My friend, Monica, calls it keeping your stride stank.) If I stand out, great. I will have obtained a moment of power, and that's the whole point.

And so it begins

I never really thought about blogging. I have a few friends who do. One is very good about updating and has a loyal following. I'm not really sure what I want this blog to be--either a daily place for me to rant and muse or a place chock full of intellectual thought. I guess it will be what it is to be.

I've decided to call myself The Thinking Princess (more about that later!), and I originally thought to call this small corner of the 'Net "The Thinking Woman's Guide to the World." However, I don't know if I'm really ready to guide anyone anywhere. I do so much of that throughout the year--guiding, that is. I'm a teacher. A really good teacher. I'm not being boastful. It is what it is. I am a REALLY GOOD TEACHER.

Still, I'm not satisfied. I want to be better. Always better. Always the best.

Perhaps that's why I'm taking to blogging. Perhaps it's an outlet I need... a place to think. A place to ponder the events of the day. A place to go to just BE without having to be the good teacher who is never satisfied.