Keep My Baby in Your Prayers...

My youngest child, Tootie, spiked a fever during the night last night. Her temperature was 104.1. I've been giving her Motrin every six hours and took her to the pediatrician today. She is now on an antibiotic and I hope she is feeling better by this time tomorrow. As I type this, my baby is asleep, totally spent from her latest fever spike. I am too tired to go to sleep after being up almost all night last night, and I will probably have a repeat tonight.

It's funny, though, because I have been inundated with praise and worship for the last few days. When she got sick, I did not stress. Yeah, as a parent, I was and am very concerned. Hence, the no sleep last night, but I spent much of that time singing praise and worship songs that I had been listening to over and over. God is so smart in the way He gives us just what we need when we need it!

One thing that has truly blessed my soul, though, has been watching Lia, Tootie's twin, while Tootie has been sick. Lia has been the little mother hen. She does everything from making sure Tootie has a light covering when she gets chilly to holding Tootie's cup to her lips so she can get a drink. Their relationship is so beautiful to watch. Although my girls are not identical twins, they do share an amazing bond. Today, Lia was so sad that Tootie had to go to the doctor that I had to promise to call home from the doctor's office so the girls could talk to each other on the phone. Before we left, Lia and I joined hands and Lia asked God to heal her sister. Can you say precious moment?!!! Then, when we got home, I noticed Lia looking through the blinds in the foyer, just watching for us. As we got out of the van, I could hear Lia squealing with delight, "Tootie's home! Tootie's home!" Lia opened the front door and ran out to meet Tootie. Then, Tootie told Lia that she missed her so much, and the two embraced. Aw, man! If you only knew how that touching moment got me right in the heart!

So, I know my baby is going to be just fine. The faith of her sister, more than anything, is seeing to that. With Lia's love and faith, God can't help but be moved to compassion for Tootie. I'll keep you posted on her progress!

Author, Author!

I have been absent again because I am working on a book I am writing. My goal has been to get it finished by the time I return to work in a few weeks. I hope to get finished and then move onto editing, but I am also a bit overwhelmed with preparing a staff development training from scratch that I have to present on the first day we return. I pray to get it all done.

Oh, a friend of mine asked which book I'm trying to finish. Last year, I started a fictional work loosely based on the lives of people in my family. I still plan to complete it, but I have moved it to the back burner for now because I just don't have the time right now to work out some problems I am encountering with a couple of the characters. Maybe Christmas break will be a good time for me to look at it again.

Anyway, the one I'm working on right now is basically a testimony of my journey through the years to become a mother. I am talking about the anti-cancer treatments and resulting weight gain, years of infertility and recurrent miscarriage, the foster and adoption process we looked into, and Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). I know this is not a story that will appeal to a huge audience, but I feel it is an important one to tell nonetheless. I am amazed by the number of women/couples I meet who are facing the harshness of infertility every day, and I want to be a light of hope for them. It took twelve years for me, but the blessing did come. If God did it for me, He can do it for anyone!

The chapter I am currently working on deals with the issue of The Church and people's perceptions of Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). Very interesting stuff indeed!

I will keep you posted on my progress. Just keep me in your prayers.

My Son...

Happy Birthday, Ry!

I cannot believe you turned 18 today! Where has the time gone? When you first came into my life, you were a rambunctious six-year-old who bore an uncanny resemblance to the video game character, Yoshi! Well, at least by the walk!

We have gone through so many changes over the years-- school, puberty, girls (yikes!), our "dates" so you can learn how to treat a young lady, driving, and so much more. I can honestly say that you are the type of child parents dream of having. You're smart as heck, funny, thoughtful, hardworking, respectful, and kind. You are growing into quite a young leader who is destined to do great things in this life. You, Young Man, are success just waiting to happen, and Dad and I are so proud of you!

Although you were not born from my body, Ryan, you were truly born in my heart. I hate the label of "step"son. There is no "step" or lessening of my love for you. You are my SON, plain and simple.

So, have a wondrously blessed birthday, knowing that Dad and I love you, pray for you, and have your back forever!

All my love,
Mom

Honor Your Father and Mother

Like I said earlier, I had to defriend someone from my FaceBook account because she was being disrespectful to her mama.

Now, the Lord knows that I have not made the best decisions all the time when it comes to dealing with my own mother, but despite how angry she has ever made me-- and she has done so A LOT!!!-- I have never, never, never, EVER called her out of her name or in any way threatened her.

This child (teenager, going to 12th grade) is the daughter of a friend of mine. At first I thought it was cute when I received her friend request. But that changed QUICKLY! See, my friend and her daughter are having a hard time relating right now for a number of reasons. There seems to be so much more to the story that I am not privy to, but that is their business and I respect that. Anyway, I have been noticing the daughter writing things in her status that are, in my opinion, extremely disrespectful towards her mother. I know she intentionally writes those things to hurt her mom since her mother can see everything she writes. I wrote her a private message letting her know that, although I do not know what all is going on between them, life is so short and is not at all promised to us. I asked her, essentially, to ask herself this: If your mother died today, would you be forever okay with the way things are between you? If your answer is yes, then there is really nothing else I can say other than to just keep it moving. But if the answer is no,then you need to make sure that you take the necessary steps on your end to start making it right today. Once we are gone, it will be too late the say the things we should have said or to take back the things we knew we should not have said. I left it there and went about about my business.

The child did not respond to my message and, in fact, continued to post disrespectful status messages toward her mother. I guess, in her reckless youth, she made the decision she felt she needed to.

The last straw for me, though, was this final exchange (paraphrased): (Warning: foul language)

(apparently, the mother had written and told the child she loved her)

Friend's daughter's status message: Seriously, just leave me the f*** alone!
Daughter's friend #1: What's going on? Whose ass do I need to kick?
Daughter's friend #2: So, your (sic) gonna kick her mother's ass? LMAO!
Friend's daughter: LMAO!!!

Okay! I was HOT I tell you! I had reached the end of my rope with this little girl! The level of disrespect was just too much! So rather than beating her with a red hot poker or saying what was REALLY on my mind, I just deleted her from my friends list so I'd never have to see her disrespectful posts again. I understand that it does, indeed, take a village to raise a child, but I also understand that not everyone in the village has permission to beat the child's butt.

It does seem, though, that somewhere along the way the message of honoring your father and mother (Ephesians 6:2-3) got missed. I'm just saying...

Let it go

My soul is really vexed today. Yeah, I said it-- vexed!

I recently had to de-friend a person from my Facebook friends list. I tried to talk to her and share experiences I have had, but she continued to update her status with hateful, disrespectful things about her mama. (I'll post about that later.)

Now, if you know me at all, then you know that my relationship with my own mother has, over the years, been described as tumultuous. I mean, I thought I could move thousands of miles away and finally be free of the drama and stress I was constantly plagued with. I even went to counseling to try to figure out why someone who was supposed to love me so much put me through so much. And you know what? Counseling gave me some insight, but never really solved my problem. My problem was not solved until I had an epiphany one day: I had to fix myself before I could deal with problems in my relationships.

I literally spent YEARS and lots of money trying to solve my family problems the way *I* had imagined they should be solved. The bottom line is that MY way of solving problems with people was by finding ways to CHANGE those people into what I thought they should be. I wanted them to act the way I thought they should act, and I wanted them to do the things I thought they should do.

You see, I didn't realize it at first, but what I really wanted was CONTROL.

Whenever someone in my family did something to step outside of that little box I had so neatly organized, I was disappointed. They disappointed me. They betrayed me. I wasn't in control.

Yes, it hurt me deeply when someone so dear to me lied on me (which was A LOT!!), but that is a problem THAT PERSON has to solve within themselves. I knew I did not say or do those things, so why was I worried so much about it? I finally learned to just LET IT GO.

When they lied on me, so what! Let. it. go.
When they said that I think I'm better than everyone else, I knew I didn't feel that way-- they did. Let. it. go.
When they said things about my husband or my children, I realized that anyone truly important in their lives knew that stuff was unfair and untrue. So, I grit my teeth very hard and let. it. go.

At the end of our lives, it will no longer be important to us whether or not someone said all the right things or did all the right things to us. We just want to be able to know that we loved and were loved. We want to know that in the brief moment of time and space we were allowed to be here, we made a difference. We mattered.

Isn't that all that really matters?

People, please learn to just let the foolishness of this world go or it will consume you. Don't be like I was for so long. As my friend, Monnie, says and I have since adopted, "Be better than me."

So now I say it to you. Don't be like me. Be so much better than me.

One spoiled dog!

Could someone please explain to me why my dog, Chopper, will not drink his water without ice cubes floating in it? Seriously, he is a DOG! Whenever I go to the fridge to get ice for my cup or for the kiddos, he will look at me like I'm the crazy one and bark until he gets a couple of cubes in his water, too.

Oh, now don't get me wrong. To be 10-12 pounds, he puts up a good front barking and running up on visitors like he's going to actually do something. Then he goes to the water bowl to check on his ice.

Yeah, whatever!

Spoiled I tell you!

Let's get it together, Ladies

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend with whom I had lost touch. She was in a bad place and my heart really hurt for her. She told me about a relationship she was in that was not going the way she had thought it would. The guy, who had pursued her for quite some time, seemed to possess all of the qualities of an ideal mate plus a few not-so ideal qualities. Those not-so-ideal qualities were BIG ones. They should have been deal breakers, in my opinion.

However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!

This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.

I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.

Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?

Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.

Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.

Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.

My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.

Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.

Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”

I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:

If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?

Go marinate on that and get back with me.