I was recently told that I am a workaholic who has to learn to take time to relax. Sure, I work a lot, but that is because I have so much to do. If I don't keep up, it will pile up. Then where will I be?
In light of my mother's recent passing, I decided to take some time to really rethink my life's habits and choices. I really do want to be around to see my children's children. About a month or so ago, I started having trouble with digesting my food. I often find myself with horrible stomach pains and cramping or I'd not be able to keep my food down. It wasn't until I rushed to the ER to be with my mother that I realized that it was stress that was causing my digestive problems. Now when I get into stressful situations, the first thing I notice is that my stomach gets all tied up into knots and gets all messed up. I realize that by the time our bodies manifest effects of stress and whatnot, damage has gone on for quite some time. I don't even want to think about what my often marathon-long periods of stressful situations have been doing to my body.
What I do know is that I must do so much better. If for no other reason, I have two beautiful little girls who love me dearly and deserve a mommy who is in good health for as many years as possible. Yeah, I HAVE to do better.
So, I guess I need to come up with a game plan. How do I become less of a workaholic? I honestly have no idea of how to go about cutting back on the hours and stress. At this moment, I'm thinking that I should probably impose limits upon myself. Maybe allocate a certain number of hours each day for work and then disengage at the end of that period whether I am finished with it all or not. That will make me prioritize. I was also thinking that I need to find some ways to de-stress and relax. Well, that is as far as I have gotten in my process. Anyone else have ideas to help me with this?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Highs and Lows
In life, the expectation is always that parents will precede their children in death. Even though we know- and even expect- our parents to go before us, there is really just no way to anticipate the loss.
My mom died on Monday, and it was a shock. Even up to her last breath, the expectation of a full recovery was so strong. She was not in pain, she did not labor to breathe, she didn't show any signs of suffering whatsoever. In fact, she was talking and laughing as we were giving her medical history to the nurse. One second she was cutting up as she usually did, and the next second she was gone to be with the Lord. There was no moment to brace myself or prepare for her loss.
But, I am glad that God knows just what we need when we need it. I NEEDED to be there for my mother's last laugh, last thought, last breath. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed that moment. God knew, and he responded accordingly. Just for me. What an awesome God!
Since my mom's passing, things have been such a whirlwind. I really haven't had time to grieve more than a minute here or there because I am inundated with phone calls from people who have been totally distraught and needing me to console them! Plus, I am having to do everything, preparation-wise, by myself. My brother is away, and it all falls to me to take care of everything. I think it's best this way. It's just hard because I am sooo unbelievably tired. I have run into a few snags where people have thought of only what they want and not what my mom's wishes were, and that has caused me to go off a time or two. Y'all know I'm not perfect! LOL! Other times, like right at this moment, I find myself a little low because I get so many calls from people seeking comfort, yet most do not ask how I'm doing or what they can do. I understand that they are hurting, too, but it hurts my feelings nonetheless. Maybe that's my fault because I expect more from people and it hurts to be disappointed. Can't dwell on what makes others tick, though.
I really think they just don't think about it. So many people think I am the strong one who can and does handle everything. I am Nikki the Handler. I think people sometimes forget that, beneath this "strong" exterior, there is a thinking, feeling person inside who hurts and feels things just like everyone else. I am just often too busy handling things that they don't get to see that part. I guess it's not their fault.
***Update:
As I was typing this blog entry this morning, I was feeling sooooo low. Today has started off as an incredibly depressing day for me. I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed. Maybe it's the rainy weather. It's just that I was feeling like so many people have forgotten about me. Then, out of the blue, one of my mom's friends called. She didn't have a need at all. She just asked about me and what she could do to serve me. Look at God! Once again, He knew what I needed and responded accordingly.
So, after talking with her, I picked up my face, dusted myself off, and got back to "handling" everything again. Not because I want to, though. I really just want to crawl into bed under the covers and sleep until this is all over. But since that is not really an option, let me hop to it. I have to bury my mama, and I have a to-do list a mile long.
If you think about it, keep us in your prayers.
My mom died on Monday, and it was a shock. Even up to her last breath, the expectation of a full recovery was so strong. She was not in pain, she did not labor to breathe, she didn't show any signs of suffering whatsoever. In fact, she was talking and laughing as we were giving her medical history to the nurse. One second she was cutting up as she usually did, and the next second she was gone to be with the Lord. There was no moment to brace myself or prepare for her loss.
But, I am glad that God knows just what we need when we need it. I NEEDED to be there for my mother's last laugh, last thought, last breath. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed that moment. God knew, and he responded accordingly. Just for me. What an awesome God!
Since my mom's passing, things have been such a whirlwind. I really haven't had time to grieve more than a minute here or there because I am inundated with phone calls from people who have been totally distraught and needing me to console them! Plus, I am having to do everything, preparation-wise, by myself. My brother is away, and it all falls to me to take care of everything. I think it's best this way. It's just hard because I am sooo unbelievably tired. I have run into a few snags where people have thought of only what they want and not what my mom's wishes were, and that has caused me to go off a time or two. Y'all know I'm not perfect! LOL! Other times, like right at this moment, I find myself a little low because I get so many calls from people seeking comfort, yet most do not ask how I'm doing or what they can do. I understand that they are hurting, too, but it hurts my feelings nonetheless. Maybe that's my fault because I expect more from people and it hurts to be disappointed. Can't dwell on what makes others tick, though.
I really think they just don't think about it. So many people think I am the strong one who can and does handle everything. I am Nikki the Handler. I think people sometimes forget that, beneath this "strong" exterior, there is a thinking, feeling person inside who hurts and feels things just like everyone else. I am just often too busy handling things that they don't get to see that part. I guess it's not their fault.
***Update:
As I was typing this blog entry this morning, I was feeling sooooo low. Today has started off as an incredibly depressing day for me. I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed. Maybe it's the rainy weather. It's just that I was feeling like so many people have forgotten about me. Then, out of the blue, one of my mom's friends called. She didn't have a need at all. She just asked about me and what she could do to serve me. Look at God! Once again, He knew what I needed and responded accordingly.
So, after talking with her, I picked up my face, dusted myself off, and got back to "handling" everything again. Not because I want to, though. I really just want to crawl into bed under the covers and sleep until this is all over. But since that is not really an option, let me hop to it. I have to bury my mama, and I have a to-do list a mile long.
If you think about it, keep us in your prayers.
Monday, October 19, 2009
My Mother is Gone
I cannot even believe that I am typing the words. My mother went home to be with the Lord today. My mother. My mama. My mommy. Gone. With the Lord. Today.
I'll try this again tomorrow.
I'll try this again tomorrow.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
At a Crossroads
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
(from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost)
I am a dreamer by nature.
Sure, I can move and shake with the best of them. A go-getter? Yep, that's me. But when I am by myself, I dream. I dream really big. Some of those dreams make it into reality, but others remain in my head, just itching to be birthed. Well, I have another dream that is really big and important to me, and I realize that I have been deferring it for years-- not because I cannot accomplish it, but because of the way it will affect those around me.
Marianne Williamson said in her poem, "Our Deepest Fear":
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I know this poem well, and I have quoted it on several occasions. The words reverberate truth, yet I still find myself playing small in the world. Why is that, I wonder?
Y'all, I am really going through some things in my personal life. Some really big things. For those of you who like to think I have it all together, please think again. I am flying by the seat of my pants here. I know what is in my heart-- the hope and the promise of something greater. Well, fulfilling, actually. To me, the steep price is justified. To others, maybe not so much. At any rate, I stand at a crossroads silently praying.
That's all I can say about it right now. Sorry to be so cryptic, but I'll keep you posted.
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
(from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost)
I am a dreamer by nature.
Sure, I can move and shake with the best of them. A go-getter? Yep, that's me. But when I am by myself, I dream. I dream really big. Some of those dreams make it into reality, but others remain in my head, just itching to be birthed. Well, I have another dream that is really big and important to me, and I realize that I have been deferring it for years-- not because I cannot accomplish it, but because of the way it will affect those around me.
Marianne Williamson said in her poem, "Our Deepest Fear":
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I know this poem well, and I have quoted it on several occasions. The words reverberate truth, yet I still find myself playing small in the world. Why is that, I wonder?
Y'all, I am really going through some things in my personal life. Some really big things. For those of you who like to think I have it all together, please think again. I am flying by the seat of my pants here. I know what is in my heart-- the hope and the promise of something greater. Well, fulfilling, actually. To me, the steep price is justified. To others, maybe not so much. At any rate, I stand at a crossroads silently praying.
That's all I can say about it right now. Sorry to be so cryptic, but I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Finally! I've made a decision.
Since the inception of this blog, I have vacillated between several different ideas I've had about the type of blog I'd like this to be. At some points, I've thought to make this strictly a place for me to chronicle my daily journey as a wife, mom, and teacher. On other days I've thought about covering politics and the issues of the day. Still other days, I've thought of making this a safe place for people dealing with the pain of infertility to come and receive encouragement and support. One thing was for sure-- uncertainty was certain!
Well, it all finally became a little clearer to me after I received an email yesterday. A really nice lady googled one of the topics previously mentioned and stumbled upon my little blog. It's funny how God works because I instantly knew where I wanted to take this blog after reading that email. So, thank you, visitor! (Yes, I do remember your name!)
So, ladies and gentlemen, I will still chronicle my journey as a wife, mom, teacher, friend, and citizen, but I will do it from a Christian perspective. I think I do that a lot already, but I really want that to be the overall theme of this blog. Am I saying that I have arrived in terms of my faith or that I know it all? Absolutely not! God certainly knows me and knows I have a LONG way to go. But I am, hopefully, making forward progress. Besides, I am hoping that we can discuss issues from a biblical standpoint and all learn some things in the process.
So, please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, and issues you'd like to discuss. I'm hoping this can grow into a community of people who are positive and supportive as we look for God's fingerprints in our everyday lives.
Well, it all finally became a little clearer to me after I received an email yesterday. A really nice lady googled one of the topics previously mentioned and stumbled upon my little blog. It's funny how God works because I instantly knew where I wanted to take this blog after reading that email. So, thank you, visitor! (Yes, I do remember your name!)
So, ladies and gentlemen, I will still chronicle my journey as a wife, mom, teacher, friend, and citizen, but I will do it from a Christian perspective. I think I do that a lot already, but I really want that to be the overall theme of this blog. Am I saying that I have arrived in terms of my faith or that I know it all? Absolutely not! God certainly knows me and knows I have a LONG way to go. But I am, hopefully, making forward progress. Besides, I am hoping that we can discuss issues from a biblical standpoint and all learn some things in the process.
So, please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, and issues you'd like to discuss. I'm hoping this can grow into a community of people who are positive and supportive as we look for God's fingerprints in our everyday lives.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
When It Rains, It Pours...
Well, now the OTHER twin has whatever this crud is Tootie has. Lia's fever spiked today, along with a cough and now a sore throat. I called to see if I could just give her the same antibiotic that Tootie has, but no... I'll be taking her in to the pediatrician in about an hour! My brain is so fried! In the last two days, I have had a total of three hours sleep. Tonight's not looking too good on the sleep front, either. Plus, I'm starting to run a low-grade fever. Too bad, though, because I don't have time to be sick. I'll just have to try to keep it at bay until I get my girls better.
Anyway, please keep the prayers coming because we really need them right now.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Keep My Baby in Your Prayers...
My youngest child, Tootie, spiked a fever during the night last night. Her temperature was 104.1. I've been giving her Motrin every six hours and took her to the pediatrician today. She is now on an antibiotic and I hope she is feeling better by this time tomorrow. As I type this, my baby is asleep, totally spent from her latest fever spike. I am too tired to go to sleep after being up almost all night last night, and I will probably have a repeat tonight.
It's funny, though, because I have been inundated with praise and worship for the last few days. When she got sick, I did not stress. Yeah, as a parent, I was and am very concerned. Hence, the no sleep last night, but I spent much of that time singing praise and worship songs that I had been listening to over and over. God is so smart in the way He gives us just what we need when we need it!
One thing that has truly blessed my soul, though, has been watching Lia, Tootie's twin, while Tootie has been sick. Lia has been the little mother hen. She does everything from making sure Tootie has a light covering when she gets chilly to holding Tootie's cup to her lips so she can get a drink. Their relationship is so beautiful to watch. Although my girls are not identical twins, they do share an amazing bond. Today, Lia was so sad that Tootie had to go to the doctor that I had to promise to call home from the doctor's office so the girls could talk to each other on the phone. Before we left, Lia and I joined hands and Lia asked God to heal her sister. Can you say precious moment?!!! Then, when we got home, I noticed Lia looking through the blinds in the foyer, just watching for us. As we got out of the van, I could hear Lia squealing with delight, "Tootie's home! Tootie's home!" Lia opened the front door and ran out to meet Tootie. Then, Tootie told Lia that she missed her so much, and the two embraced. Aw, man! If you only knew how that touching moment got me right in the heart!
So, I know my baby is going to be just fine. The faith of her sister, more than anything, is seeing to that. With Lia's love and faith, God can't help but be moved to compassion for Tootie. I'll keep you posted on her progress!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Author, Author!
I have been absent again because I am working on a book I am writing. My goal has been to get it finished by the time I return to work in a few weeks. I hope to get finished and then move onto editing, but I am also a bit overwhelmed with preparing a staff development training from scratch that I have to present on the first day we return. I pray to get it all done.
Oh, a friend of mine asked which book I'm trying to finish. Last year, I started a fictional work loosely based on the lives of people in my family. I still plan to complete it, but I have moved it to the back burner for now because I just don't have the time right now to work out some problems I am encountering with a couple of the characters. Maybe Christmas break will be a good time for me to look at it again.
Anyway, the one I'm working on right now is basically a testimony of my journey through the years to become a mother. I am talking about the anti-cancer treatments and resulting weight gain, years of infertility and recurrent miscarriage, the foster and adoption process we looked into, and Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). I know this is not a story that will appeal to a huge audience, but I feel it is an important one to tell nonetheless. I am amazed by the number of women/couples I meet who are facing the harshness of infertility every day, and I want to be a light of hope for them. It took twelve years for me, but the blessing did come. If God did it for me, He can do it for anyone!
The chapter I am currently working on deals with the issue of The Church and people's perceptions of Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). Very interesting stuff indeed!
I will keep you posted on my progress. Just keep me in your prayers.
Friday, July 24, 2009
My Son...
Happy Birthday, Ry!
I cannot believe you turned 18 today! Where has the time gone? When you first came into my life, you were a rambunctious six-year-old who bore an uncanny resemblance to the video game character, Yoshi! Well, at least by the walk!
We have gone through so many changes over the years-- school, puberty, girls (yikes!), our "dates" so you can learn how to treat a young lady, driving, and so much more. I can honestly say that you are the type of child parents dream of having. You're smart as heck, funny, thoughtful, hardworking, respectful, and kind. You are growing into quite a young leader who is destined to do great things in this life. You, Young Man, are success just waiting to happen, and Dad and I are so proud of you!
Although you were not born from my body, Ryan, you were truly born in my heart. I hate the label of "step"son. There is no "step" or lessening of my love for you. You are my SON, plain and simple.
So, have a wondrously blessed birthday, knowing that Dad and I love you, pray for you, and have your back forever!
All my love,
Mom
I cannot believe you turned 18 today! Where has the time gone? When you first came into my life, you were a rambunctious six-year-old who bore an uncanny resemblance to the video game character, Yoshi! Well, at least by the walk!
We have gone through so many changes over the years-- school, puberty, girls (yikes!), our "dates" so you can learn how to treat a young lady, driving, and so much more. I can honestly say that you are the type of child parents dream of having. You're smart as heck, funny, thoughtful, hardworking, respectful, and kind. You are growing into quite a young leader who is destined to do great things in this life. You, Young Man, are success just waiting to happen, and Dad and I are so proud of you!
Although you were not born from my body, Ryan, you were truly born in my heart. I hate the label of "step"son. There is no "step" or lessening of my love for you. You are my SON, plain and simple.
So, have a wondrously blessed birthday, knowing that Dad and I love you, pray for you, and have your back forever!
All my love,
Mom
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Honor Your Father and Mother
Like I said earlier, I had to defriend someone from my FaceBook account because she was being disrespectful to her mama.
Now, the Lord knows that I have not made the best decisions all the time when it comes to dealing with my own mother, but despite how angry she has ever made me-- and she has done so A LOT!!!-- I have never, never, never, EVER called her out of her name or in any way threatened her.
This child (teenager, going to 12th grade) is the daughter of a friend of mine. At first I thought it was cute when I received her friend request. But that changed QUICKLY! See, my friend and her daughter are having a hard time relating right now for a number of reasons. There seems to be so much more to the story that I am not privy to, but that is their business and I respect that. Anyway, I have been noticing the daughter writing things in her status that are, in my opinion, extremely disrespectful towards her mother. I know she intentionally writes those things to hurt her mom since her mother can see everything she writes. I wrote her a private message letting her know that, although I do not know what all is going on between them, life is so short and is not at all promised to us. I asked her, essentially, to ask herself this: If your mother died today, would you be forever okay with the way things are between you? If your answer is yes, then there is really nothing else I can say other than to just keep it moving. But if the answer is no,then you need to make sure that you take the necessary steps on your end to start making it right today. Once we are gone, it will be too late the say the things we should have said or to take back the things we knew we should not have said. I left it there and went about about my business.
The child did not respond to my message and, in fact, continued to post disrespectful status messages toward her mother. I guess, in her reckless youth, she made the decision she felt she needed to.
The last straw for me, though, was this final exchange (paraphrased): (Warning: foul language)
(apparently, the mother had written and told the child she loved her)
Friend's daughter's status message: Seriously, just leave me the f*** alone!
Daughter's friend #1: What's going on? Whose ass do I need to kick?
Daughter's friend #2: So, your (sic) gonna kick her mother's ass? LMAO!
Friend's daughter: LMAO!!!
Okay! I was HOT I tell you! I had reached the end of my rope with this little girl! The level of disrespect was just too much! So rather than beating her with a red hot poker or saying what was REALLY on my mind, I just deleted her from my friends list so I'd never have to see her disrespectful posts again. I understand that it does, indeed, take a village to raise a child, but I also understand that not everyone in the village has permission to beat the child's butt.
It does seem, though, that somewhere along the way the message of honoring your father and mother (Ephesians 6:2-3) got missed. I'm just saying...
Now, the Lord knows that I have not made the best decisions all the time when it comes to dealing with my own mother, but despite how angry she has ever made me-- and she has done so A LOT!!!-- I have never, never, never, EVER called her out of her name or in any way threatened her.
This child (teenager, going to 12th grade) is the daughter of a friend of mine. At first I thought it was cute when I received her friend request. But that changed QUICKLY! See, my friend and her daughter are having a hard time relating right now for a number of reasons. There seems to be so much more to the story that I am not privy to, but that is their business and I respect that. Anyway, I have been noticing the daughter writing things in her status that are, in my opinion, extremely disrespectful towards her mother. I know she intentionally writes those things to hurt her mom since her mother can see everything she writes. I wrote her a private message letting her know that, although I do not know what all is going on between them, life is so short and is not at all promised to us. I asked her, essentially, to ask herself this: If your mother died today, would you be forever okay with the way things are between you? If your answer is yes, then there is really nothing else I can say other than to just keep it moving. But if the answer is no,then you need to make sure that you take the necessary steps on your end to start making it right today. Once we are gone, it will be too late the say the things we should have said or to take back the things we knew we should not have said. I left it there and went about about my business.
The child did not respond to my message and, in fact, continued to post disrespectful status messages toward her mother. I guess, in her reckless youth, she made the decision she felt she needed to.
The last straw for me, though, was this final exchange (paraphrased): (Warning: foul language)
(apparently, the mother had written and told the child she loved her)
Friend's daughter's status message: Seriously, just leave me the f*** alone!
Daughter's friend #1: What's going on? Whose ass do I need to kick?
Daughter's friend #2: So, your (sic) gonna kick her mother's ass? LMAO!
Friend's daughter: LMAO!!!
Okay! I was HOT I tell you! I had reached the end of my rope with this little girl! The level of disrespect was just too much! So rather than beating her with a red hot poker or saying what was REALLY on my mind, I just deleted her from my friends list so I'd never have to see her disrespectful posts again. I understand that it does, indeed, take a village to raise a child, but I also understand that not everyone in the village has permission to beat the child's butt.
It does seem, though, that somewhere along the way the message of honoring your father and mother (Ephesians 6:2-3) got missed. I'm just saying...
Let it go
My soul is really vexed today. Yeah, I said it-- vexed!
I recently had to de-friend a person from my Facebook friends list. I tried to talk to her and share experiences I have had, but she continued to update her status with hateful, disrespectful things about her mama. (I'll post about that later.)
Now, if you know me at all, then you know that my relationship with my own mother has, over the years, been described as tumultuous. I mean, I thought I could move thousands of miles away and finally be free of the drama and stress I was constantly plagued with. I even went to counseling to try to figure out why someone who was supposed to love me so much put me through so much. And you know what? Counseling gave me some insight, but never really solved my problem. My problem was not solved until I had an epiphany one day: I had to fix myself before I could deal with problems in my relationships.
I literally spent YEARS and lots of money trying to solve my family problems the way *I* had imagined they should be solved. The bottom line is that MY way of solving problems with people was by finding ways to CHANGE those people into what I thought they should be. I wanted them to act the way I thought they should act, and I wanted them to do the things I thought they should do.
You see, I didn't realize it at first, but what I really wanted was CONTROL.
Whenever someone in my family did something to step outside of that little box I had so neatly organized, I was disappointed. They disappointed me. They betrayed me. I wasn't in control.
Yes, it hurt me deeply when someone so dear to me lied on me (which was A LOT!!), but that is a problem THAT PERSON has to solve within themselves. I knew I did not say or do those things, so why was I worried so much about it? I finally learned to just LET IT GO.
When they lied on me, so what! Let. it. go.
When they said that I think I'm better than everyone else, I knew I didn't feel that way-- they did. Let. it. go.
When they said things about my husband or my children, I realized that anyone truly important in their lives knew that stuff was unfair and untrue. So, I grit my teeth very hard and let. it. go.
At the end of our lives, it will no longer be important to us whether or not someone said all the right things or did all the right things to us. We just want to be able to know that we loved and were loved. We want to know that in the brief moment of time and space we were allowed to be here, we made a difference. We mattered.
Isn't that all that really matters?
People, please learn to just let the foolishness of this world go or it will consume you. Don't be like I was for so long. As my friend, Monnie, says and I have since adopted, "Be better than me."
So now I say it to you. Don't be like me. Be so much better than me.
One spoiled dog!
Could someone please explain to me why my dog, Chopper, will not drink his water without ice cubes floating in it? Seriously, he is a DOG! Whenever I go to the fridge to get ice for my cup or for the kiddos, he will look at me like I'm the crazy one and bark until he gets a couple of cubes in his water, too.
Oh, now don't get me wrong. To be 10-12 pounds, he puts up a good front barking and running up on visitors like he's going to actually do something. Then he goes to the water bowl to check on his ice.
Yeah, whatever!
Spoiled I tell you!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Let's get it together, Ladies
Yesterday, I spoke with a friend with whom I had lost touch. She was in a bad place and my heart really hurt for her. She told me about a relationship she was in that was not going the way she had thought it would. The guy, who had pursued her for quite some time, seemed to possess all of the qualities of an ideal mate plus a few not-so ideal qualities. Those not-so-ideal qualities were BIG ones. They should have been deal breakers, in my opinion.
However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!
This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.
I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.
Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?
Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.
Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.
Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.
My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.
Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.
Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”
I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:
If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?
Go marinate on that and get back with me.
However, she has been waiting for the guy to get it together... for a LONG time!
This troubled me deeply. Very deeply.
I'm not going into specifics about this friend's problem because those details aren't really relevant. To be honest, I'm sure we have all had past relationships that can be filled into the blanks here.
Anyway, I got to thinking about her situation and wondered why on earth we women get ourselves into these predicaments. Her story is not so unusual. She is successful in her career and is well-respected in many different circles. She works hard, has her money and credit right, and she is a homeowner and responsible citizen. So, how does one so put together end up "settling" for a man?
Oh, I hear a couple of you saying, "How do YOU know she's settling for a man?" Well, here is how I know: She listed off men she has known and had long-term relationships with. This one she has known since first grade. She stated that she's tired of going through the process of learning all about a guy and, eventually, meeting his parents and friends. She is almost 40, successful in many areas, and has never been married, although she has wanted to for some time now. I get that. I totally get hearing the biological clock ticking. I also get the dream of marrying the handsome prince that was instilled early in little girls' lives. However, what I don’t get is the propensity toward unavailable, emotionally detached, immature, or wandering men.
Ladies, we have got to get to a place where we are comfortable laying down the deal-breakers and what it is we truly want from the relationship UP FRONT. Stop hemming and hawing thinking you might scare a man off. If a man is serious and ready to come to you correctly, he will appreciate the honesty and conduct himself accordingly. If he is not willing to operate within those boundaries, then no harm, no foul. Let him keep stepping and you keep it moving. He is not the be all and end all.
Prior to making some much-needed changes in her life, another friend of mine found herself in a relationship with a man who was there one day and gone for the next several. Their relationship was a revolving door with him doting on her and being a knight in shining armor for a few days, followed by total detachment – no calls, no visits, nothing-- for several more. This guy had pursued her for TEN years.
My question was how often the guy showed this HUGE character flaw while they were just friends. She didn’t give it much thought at first… because she hadn’t wanted to. It turns out that the guy showed his true self many years ago while dating another woman.
Sisters, if a man is tipping, slipping, and acting a fool while dating another woman, please do not fool yourselves into thinking for a moment that he is going to change when he gets with you. The juncture of your thighs is not all that different from someone else’s. I’m just saying.
Over a glass of wine one evening, she cried and poured put her soul out to me saying, “But I thought he was the one! He would always propose to me and tell me that I was his rib. He was supposed to be my soul mate.”
I’m going to say this one time, Sisters, so please get a pad and pen to write this down:
If you are a man’s missing rib, shouldn’t the pieces fit together properly?
Go marinate on that and get back with me.
My Top Ten For a Lasting Marriage
Marriage is good. Really good. But it is work. Like a great garden, a marriage relationship is only as good as the time you spend cultivating the soil and tilling the land. Without the right amount of care, it will, before long, be overrun by unsightly weeds.
A friend recently asked me about marriage, specifically, what it is that keeps a marriage going. What makes a good marriage great? Well, I thought about it and thought some more and came up with my top ten (in no particular order). Here goes:
My Top Ten Keys To a Successful Marriage
1. Pray together at least once a day.
2. Have date night with your spouse once a week or, at the very least, twice per month. (And don't forget to hold hands!)
3. Try to keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship. If it needs a tune up or a recharge, do it immediately.
4. Remember that you two are a team, even through the inevitable adjustments from combining things "mine" and "yours". Talk about money, set joint financial goals, and don't "hide" money.
5. Never, never, never go to bed angry if you can help it. Since tomorrow is not promised, make every effort to come to some sort of resolution. Stated more clearly, be willing to be the first to apologize (no matter who started it). Then forgive, forgive, forgive... and mean it.
6. When things get rocky, as they sometimes do, remember what you love about your spouse today and look for it in them during those tough moments.
7. Make it a habit to look for at least one good thing that your spouse does that you can sincerely compliment him on or tell him you appreciate. Even if it's as small as telling him he smells nice after he gets out of the shower. Bottom line: Keep him feeling good about himself and he will give you the moon.
8. Never bring up past hurts or problems that your relationship has moved on from, especially not in the middle of an argument. That's also not the time to say ugly, hurtful things about his mama (even if she is fat, bald, snaggle-toothed, or country).
9. Don't allow yourself to get too tired or too busy to act silly sometimes. Laughter is the best medicine, especially in marriage.
10. Support his dreams and goals even if you think his idea will not work. If it does fail, he will love you for being in his corner without saying, "I told you so."
Sunday, June 14, 2009
These Girls of Mine
It is not often that I am surprised by most people-- well, other than my twins, that is. It seems that I am always seeming to be amazed by something they say or do. Now, i know part of it is because they are mine, and like most parents, I think my girls are a couple of the smartest kids on earth. But more often than not, it is that they do something that seems to be ahead of where I, as an educator, think they should be developmentally.
Take today for example. I've been teaching my girls how to play the game of pool. Since they are waaay too small to play on a regulation sized table, I have been showing them the basics on a game called Pool Geometry on the Internet site CoolMath4Kids.com. (I know most people would not think of the relationship between pool and mathematics, but the game does require an understanding of Geometry-- specifically triangles). Anyway, they are good about telling me when either they (or I) scratch. They're also getting pretty good at aiming the cue stick so that the cue ball goes where it needs to go.
But I digress.
I told them that it was almost nap time, so they asked if we could play one game of pool. We did, and all was well. I then told them that it was time for their nap. Lia, the older twin, promptly told me that she was not planning to take a nap. Being the mom that I am, I politely gave her a choice. Here is how the exchange went:
Lia: I'm not taking a nap.
Me: Well, then, you have a choice to make. You can take a nap or get a spanking and take a nap.
Lia: Ummm, I'll take the pink one.
Me: What?? (accompanied by blank stare)
Lia: I'll take the pink one.
Now, for a few seconds I was totally confused. Then it hit me. When I buy something for them, I try to buy different colors to help them to distinguish one's property from the other. This is a MUST in our household. Usually, when there are things that are clearly girl items, I usually get one in pink and one in purple. They get to choose who gets what, but 99% of the time, Tootie chooses purple while Lia's choice is pink.
Without missing a beat, though, that little girl of mine burst out into a fit of laughter. She quickly said, "I'm just kidding. I'm going to take my nap."
Doesn't that sound like the humor and wit of someone much older than 4 years old? I knew it-- genius!
Take today for example. I've been teaching my girls how to play the game of pool. Since they are waaay too small to play on a regulation sized table, I have been showing them the basics on a game called Pool Geometry on the Internet site CoolMath4Kids.com. (I know most people would not think of the relationship between pool and mathematics, but the game does require an understanding of Geometry-- specifically triangles). Anyway, they are good about telling me when either they (or I) scratch. They're also getting pretty good at aiming the cue stick so that the cue ball goes where it needs to go.
But I digress.
I told them that it was almost nap time, so they asked if we could play one game of pool. We did, and all was well. I then told them that it was time for their nap. Lia, the older twin, promptly told me that she was not planning to take a nap. Being the mom that I am, I politely gave her a choice. Here is how the exchange went:
Lia: I'm not taking a nap.
Me: Well, then, you have a choice to make. You can take a nap or get a spanking and take a nap.
Lia: Ummm, I'll take the pink one.
Me: What?? (accompanied by blank stare)
Lia: I'll take the pink one.
Now, for a few seconds I was totally confused. Then it hit me. When I buy something for them, I try to buy different colors to help them to distinguish one's property from the other. This is a MUST in our household. Usually, when there are things that are clearly girl items, I usually get one in pink and one in purple. They get to choose who gets what, but 99% of the time, Tootie chooses purple while Lia's choice is pink.
Without missing a beat, though, that little girl of mine burst out into a fit of laughter. She quickly said, "I'm just kidding. I'm going to take my nap."
Doesn't that sound like the humor and wit of someone much older than 4 years old? I knew it-- genius!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
My mommy is NOT a teacher...
So, I'm not a teacher it seems... at least that is the story my four-year-old twins daughters are telling.
Once a week now, my girls go a fabulous in-home daycare that they've been at since they were 9 months old. They used to go there fulltime until my husband lost his job back in January. Since we could no longer afford it, she offered to keep the girls one day a week to give my husband a break and to allow him time to go on interviews. If he had to go more often, she has offered to keep them for the hours of his interviews. I love her so much because she loves my girls- and us- so much that she would do this for us.
Anyway, today her daughter was talking with the kids about their moms and the jobs they do away from home. She told my girls that their mommy is a teacher who goes to work at a school every day. Although my girls visit my school quite often after school, and have even been there at one point or another during the day, I guess it never really quite dawned on them that I was, in fact, a teacher. I don't know what they thought I did in my classroom. Regardless, this is how the exchange went:
Ms. C: So, Girls, your mommy is a teacher. She goes to work at a school every day.
Tootie: My mommy is NOT a teacher. She is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, yes, she is a mommy, but she is also a teacher. She teaches kids.
Tootie: Don't SAY that! My mommy is a MOMMY! She is not a teacher.
Ms. C: So, where does she work?
Tootie: She works at school in her classroom, but she is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, that's true, but she can be a mommy AND a teacher.
Tootie: Humph!
So, when they got to school with Daddy to pick me up today, the girls asked to visit my classroom. As we approached the door, Lia, the other twin, was bound and determined to get to the bottom of it all.
Lia: Mommy, are you a teacher?
Me: Yes, I am.
Lia: You ARE?
Me: Yes, I am. I teach kids who are in the 4th grade.
Lia: You DO? But you're a MOMMY!
Me: Yes, you are right. I am a mommy AND a teacher.
I guess they were satisfied with it and were able to accept the fact that I am both their mommy AND some other kids' teacher. Neither said anything, but I know Tootie is NOT going to want to tell Ms. C that she was right! LOL.
I love those little girls!
Once a week now, my girls go a fabulous in-home daycare that they've been at since they were 9 months old. They used to go there fulltime until my husband lost his job back in January. Since we could no longer afford it, she offered to keep the girls one day a week to give my husband a break and to allow him time to go on interviews. If he had to go more often, she has offered to keep them for the hours of his interviews. I love her so much because she loves my girls- and us- so much that she would do this for us.
Anyway, today her daughter was talking with the kids about their moms and the jobs they do away from home. She told my girls that their mommy is a teacher who goes to work at a school every day. Although my girls visit my school quite often after school, and have even been there at one point or another during the day, I guess it never really quite dawned on them that I was, in fact, a teacher. I don't know what they thought I did in my classroom. Regardless, this is how the exchange went:
Ms. C: So, Girls, your mommy is a teacher. She goes to work at a school every day.
Tootie: My mommy is NOT a teacher. She is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, yes, she is a mommy, but she is also a teacher. She teaches kids.
Tootie: Don't SAY that! My mommy is a MOMMY! She is not a teacher.
Ms. C: So, where does she work?
Tootie: She works at school in her classroom, but she is a MOMMY!
Ms. C: Well, that's true, but she can be a mommy AND a teacher.
Tootie: Humph!
So, when they got to school with Daddy to pick me up today, the girls asked to visit my classroom. As we approached the door, Lia, the other twin, was bound and determined to get to the bottom of it all.
Lia: Mommy, are you a teacher?
Me: Yes, I am.
Lia: You ARE?
Me: Yes, I am. I teach kids who are in the 4th grade.
Lia: You DO? But you're a MOMMY!
Me: Yes, you are right. I am a mommy AND a teacher.
I guess they were satisfied with it and were able to accept the fact that I am both their mommy AND some other kids' teacher. Neither said anything, but I know Tootie is NOT going to want to tell Ms. C that she was right! LOL.
I love those little girls!
Moving On
Well, it is official! I will be moving up to fifth grade with my students next year. In order to do so, I had to take another certification exam which would allow me to teach all the way up to 8th grade. I took it a week ago and got my results Tuesday morning.
So, now that I have all of the paperwork side of it completed, I am on my way up. It's so funny, though, because my partner teacher and I had been threatening the kids by saying, "If you guys don't straighten up, one of us will be moving to 5th grade to make sure you get it together." Since my partner teacher and I are so much alike, to the kids, neither of the choices was better than the other. Both would mean they weren't getting an inch of wiggle room. It was so funny though, when one boy raised his hand all innocently and asked, "Couldn't Mrs. R move up with us instead?" Oh, my goodness. I HOWLED!!!
See, Mrs. R is also a partner teacher with us who teaches the Science. I love me some her because she is such a trip to me. We often tease her about being the sit-around-the-campfire-and-hold-hands-while-singing-Kumbaya-and-hugging-a-tree kind of person. Actually, she really isn't, but it's funny to say it anyway. She just looks at my other partner teacher and me, shakes her head, and walks away because she thinks we're completely crazy, I'm sure! Anyway, Mrs. R is the really loving part of our trio who may, for example, explain to the kids that it's not a healthful choice to lean back in your seat because you might fall, thereby causing yourself to suffer a concussion or worse. Of course, she then lovingly explains to them what a concussion is and why they really don't want one. I, on the other hand, take a sliiiiightly different approach: "Boy, if you fall back in that chair and crack your head open, you are NOT going to the nurse!" Either way, the chair legs come down.
When I finally told them that I would be moving, most cheered, but I could see a few who were not quite so giddy.
I love it! See, I already knew that a few were going to be shell-shocked. You know the ones. Those kids who make it a point to start the year off very slowly so the new teacher won't know exactly WHAT they know, allowing them to skate along for a while. Humph! No skating for them! They are going to have to hit the ground running because I already know what they know since I taught them in the first place.
Anyway, I don't know how I am going to handle the move. My partner teacher and I (the one just like me) are sooooo much alike that we think and say the exact same things at the exact same time. We always know what the other person is thinking and coming to work is a PAR-TY! Our students honestly don't know who is "crazier". They enjoy class (although they work their butts off) and, I believe, learn better because of it.
Having said that, I am moving to a team that is quite different from my current team. I lead a very relaxed classroom that is filled with laughter, talking, and lots of hands-on activities. Where I'm going, I think it's a little more structured, formal, and just-- well, different! Besides, the leader of that pack and I have previously had very strong words, so this should be interesting. I'll keep you posted on that one because sparks are SURE to fly.
So, now that I have all of the paperwork side of it completed, I am on my way up. It's so funny, though, because my partner teacher and I had been threatening the kids by saying, "If you guys don't straighten up, one of us will be moving to 5th grade to make sure you get it together." Since my partner teacher and I are so much alike, to the kids, neither of the choices was better than the other. Both would mean they weren't getting an inch of wiggle room. It was so funny though, when one boy raised his hand all innocently and asked, "Couldn't Mrs. R move up with us instead?" Oh, my goodness. I HOWLED!!!
See, Mrs. R is also a partner teacher with us who teaches the Science. I love me some her because she is such a trip to me. We often tease her about being the sit-around-the-campfire-and-hold-hands-while-singing-Kumbaya-and-hugging-a-tree kind of person. Actually, she really isn't, but it's funny to say it anyway. She just looks at my other partner teacher and me, shakes her head, and walks away because she thinks we're completely crazy, I'm sure! Anyway, Mrs. R is the really loving part of our trio who may, for example, explain to the kids that it's not a healthful choice to lean back in your seat because you might fall, thereby causing yourself to suffer a concussion or worse. Of course, she then lovingly explains to them what a concussion is and why they really don't want one. I, on the other hand, take a sliiiiightly different approach: "Boy, if you fall back in that chair and crack your head open, you are NOT going to the nurse!" Either way, the chair legs come down.
When I finally told them that I would be moving, most cheered, but I could see a few who were not quite so giddy.
I love it! See, I already knew that a few were going to be shell-shocked. You know the ones. Those kids who make it a point to start the year off very slowly so the new teacher won't know exactly WHAT they know, allowing them to skate along for a while. Humph! No skating for them! They are going to have to hit the ground running because I already know what they know since I taught them in the first place.
Anyway, I don't know how I am going to handle the move. My partner teacher and I (the one just like me) are sooooo much alike that we think and say the exact same things at the exact same time. We always know what the other person is thinking and coming to work is a PAR-TY! Our students honestly don't know who is "crazier". They enjoy class (although they work their butts off) and, I believe, learn better because of it.
Having said that, I am moving to a team that is quite different from my current team. I lead a very relaxed classroom that is filled with laughter, talking, and lots of hands-on activities. Where I'm going, I think it's a little more structured, formal, and just-- well, different! Besides, the leader of that pack and I have previously had very strong words, so this should be interesting. I'll keep you posted on that one because sparks are SURE to fly.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Freaky-Deaky
I'm teaching a media literacy unit at school right now. I love doing this unit because I believe in the importance of teaching young people to be be knowledgeable consumers of products and information. It has been going pretty well with all of my classes, so I've felt good about everything.
Reality check!!
I thought I was doing some serious teaching today. A couple of boys who hadn't really paid attention without coercion all year seemed to be fully engrossed in our discussion. Well, what I found out later was that, since I had on a v-neck top today, they were looking at my cleavage.
Little pervs!
I told my husband when I got into the car this afternoon. Instead of wondering what was wrong with the boys like I did, he just laughed and said, "I'm just saying... I would've been looking, too." Big perv!
I'm not surprised, though. Anyone who teaches fourth grade can probably tell you about the hormone surge kids seem to go through between fourth and fifth grades. Kids get taller over the summer, girls start developing a little and going through their bodily changes, and boys get kind of mannish. What am I going to have to put up with next year when I move up with my classes?
Sheesh! I guess I'm going to have to wear turtlenecks every day!
Reality check!!
I thought I was doing some serious teaching today. A couple of boys who hadn't really paid attention without coercion all year seemed to be fully engrossed in our discussion. Well, what I found out later was that, since I had on a v-neck top today, they were looking at my cleavage.
Little pervs!
I told my husband when I got into the car this afternoon. Instead of wondering what was wrong with the boys like I did, he just laughed and said, "I'm just saying... I would've been looking, too." Big perv!
I'm not surprised, though. Anyone who teaches fourth grade can probably tell you about the hormone surge kids seem to go through between fourth and fifth grades. Kids get taller over the summer, girls start developing a little and going through their bodily changes, and boys get kind of mannish. What am I going to have to put up with next year when I move up with my classes?
Sheesh! I guess I'm going to have to wear turtlenecks every day!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
My Twins are Four Years Old...
and I don't know where the time went. If you happen to see it, please let it know that I would like it back!
It seems like yesterday that I was having my (unexpected) c-section to bring them into the world. They were so small, and I was so scared to even touch them at first. They both fit into my shirt for kangaroo care, and we bonded like that for hours upon hours at a time. Me afraid to move a muscle for fear some magical moment would be forever lost. Them nestled in cozily trying to match the wild beating of my heart. There was something truly magical about those first couple of weeks. Something that could only have come from Heaven. I didn't speak loudly or want anything to steal that magic.
Oh, how times change!
This morning, Eliana and I had it out. See, both of my twins are strong-willed. This quality will serve them very well in the future, and I thank God that they were created just the way they are. However, their mother is also strong-willed. Ummm, yeah. So, those great qualities I see in them now are quite infuriating at times for me since they're only four! You know where I'm going with this, don't you?
Well, I asked Eliana to do something and she totally blew me off. I raised my voice with her very sharply when I told her to do it again. This little heffalump raised HER voice and said, "Mommy! I will do it, but don't don't yell at me like that!" Ooooookay! Now, if you know me well, then you know this created a LOT of problems. I was actually quite torn because I DO want them to be able to stand up for themselves, BUT Lord, have mercy because I had to catch myself before I worked that hiney out!
I said a little prayer and took a few deep breaths before I calmly began the following exchange:
Me: First, let me say that I am sorry for yelling at you because I don't want to be a mommy who yells at you.
Lia: It's okay, Mommy. It was an accident.
Me: (sighing) That said, if you ever talk to me like that again, Baby, I am going to build smoke in your pants from tearing your butt up!
Lia: I'm not a baby! I'm four years old now.
Me: Go away.
Lia: Mommy, I'm sorry for being rude to you.
Me: It's okay, Baby. It was an accident.
Lia: Humph!
Y'all pray for me, please, 'Cause she's going to get hurt if she keeps playing with me like that. I'm just saying...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
In the Eye of the Storm
The unthinkable has happened. A friend of mine has experienced a devastating loss, and I am just so heartbroken for her. I honestly cannot begin to understand the depth of her grief right now, and I hate that I am unable to help her. Only she can walk out this painful journey, along with her husband and family.
I spent the weekend teetering between feelings of excitement, guilt, and deep sympathy. My girls' birthday was yesterday and I was so excited about them attending their first ever tea party. Then, I would think about and pray about my friend's situation and feel guilty that I had that fleeting moment of excitement about my girls' party while my sweet friend was making arrangements for her child's homegoing.
Sometimes life is just HARD.
I know that the Bible says that God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (Luke 55:8), but trying to trust his plan even when you cannot trace them is such a hard thing to do. How do you, in the midst of tragedy, sit back and just ride? I know that THAT is what true faith and trust in God is all about-- praising him in the midst of our storms and giving him glory in the midst of tragedy. Faith. Trust. Learning to just... ride.
One of my favorite scriptures is Luke 12:48: "To whom much is given, much is required." But I wonder if the converse is also true? Is it then true that upon the one who experiences great tragedy, God bestows great anointing?
I'm going to think about that for awhile.
I spent the weekend teetering between feelings of excitement, guilt, and deep sympathy. My girls' birthday was yesterday and I was so excited about them attending their first ever tea party. Then, I would think about and pray about my friend's situation and feel guilty that I had that fleeting moment of excitement about my girls' party while my sweet friend was making arrangements for her child's homegoing.
Sometimes life is just HARD.
I know that the Bible says that God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (Luke 55:8), but trying to trust his plan even when you cannot trace them is such a hard thing to do. How do you, in the midst of tragedy, sit back and just ride? I know that THAT is what true faith and trust in God is all about-- praising him in the midst of our storms and giving him glory in the midst of tragedy. Faith. Trust. Learning to just... ride.
One of my favorite scriptures is Luke 12:48: "To whom much is given, much is required." But I wonder if the converse is also true? Is it then true that upon the one who experiences great tragedy, God bestows great anointing?
I'm going to think about that for awhile.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Happy Birthday, Princesses! (This post is for them-- birth story)
Today is my twins' fourth birthday. It is hard to believe that the two little ones who were born so small are already on their way to becoming big girls! I feel as if we somehow skipped a couple of years along the way. Before long, they will be skipping down the hallways at school as kindergartners.
I remember the day I gave birth to them like it was yesterday. I had gone in to see my high risk OB for a routine doctor's appointment and was told that they would be delivered that day because one appeared to be in trouble. I was so scared! When the doctor stepped out to call my regular OB to inform him that I needed to be delivered ASAP, I frantically called my husband at work to tell him to get there quickly.
Within an hour, I was given an epidural and was in the operating room. Greg barely made it and changed into scrubs. I had seen countless episodes of the birthing shows on Discovery Health and knew what the surgery would entail, and I remember wanting to see it through the mirror, although I figured Greg would have objected. (Of course, later, he got to stand up and see it and I missed it all. I felt so cheated!
Anyway, Dr. Martin took out Baby A (Lia). He quickly held her up over the sheet for me to see before passing her off to one of the two NICU teams waiting to work on our preemies. Man, she was tiny! How could she possibly have been the larger twin? There had to have been some sort of mistake! That was all I could think about. Next, Tootie was taken out, but Dr. Martin didn't hold her up. He just immediately handed her off and they went to work. Baby B was the one who had been in trouble on the ultrasound! I didn't know what was wrong, but I figured it had to be something since they didn't let me see her. I heard faint cries that sounded so far off into the distance.
After a few minutes they brought the babies to me to see, but I was too afraid to touch them. I just stared at them, trying to engrave their faces on my heart. I gave them both light kisses before they, and Greg, were whisked away to the NICU and I was, once again, left alone.
A short time later, Greg returned from the NICU and told me the vitals. I couldn't believe it! The high risk OB had estimated Lia to weigh 4lbs, 3oz, but she only really weighed 3lbs, 4oz and was 16 1/2 inches long. He estimated Tootie to be 3lbs, 9oz, but she was the runt of the litter weighing in at 2lbs, 14oz and 16 inches long. Was I ever glad that I had my doctor's appointment that day! They had been in more trouble than anyone really knew.
Miraculously, neither required a respirator. They breathed on their own from the start and stayed in the NICU only to learn to feed from a bottle and grow. They thrived and shattered any of the doctors' expectations. Instead of 6 weeks in the NICU as estimated, they came home together in 20 days tilting the scales at 4lbs, 5oz and 3lbs, 8 oz respectively. (I really think kangaroo care was the key).
When we got home, no one wanted to hold poor little Tootie at first because she was sooo small. She was the feisty one, though, who used to slap the hands of the nurses she didn't like whenever they tried to touch her... yeah, that was at ONE day old! We laughed at her because she kept those fist balled up so tightly as if she were in fight mode all the time! LOL! She also looked a little funny because she was so small that one skull plate sat slightly on top of the other since her head was so little. By the time she was six weeks old, though, it was right! She might've been mean to some of the nurses, but she loved her mama and relaxed so much while resting skin to skin with me for hours at a time. Gosh, how I miss that time!
Lia, on the other hand, was a sweet little cuddler. She would keep this little smile on her face the whole time we did kangaroo care. Who would have known that she'd grow to be so fiercely protective of her little sister (by 4 minutes!)? Who would've known how bossy that sweet little baby would turn out to be! LOL. (Actually, in life, that is known as having LEADERSHIP qualities!)
Over these past four years, I have been so amazed at how smart my girls are in addition to their beauty (obviously!). These little miracles so often reflect the love of God in our lives, and I am eternally thankful for them.
I look forward to seeing the young ladies they will ultimately become. Where will they go to school? What will their careers choices be? Who will they someday marry? What will be their passions in life? I sit awake at night sometimes thinking about them, and other times I tiptoe into their room trying to steal just one more glance, etching just one more memory of them into my brain. I just can't wait to see the plan God has for their lives. Somehow, I know HIS plans for them are big ones.
Girls, you are too young to even read this right now, but know that Mommy loves you. In fact, Mommy loved the hope of you she carried (for twelve years!) until the blessing of you was made manifest. I have loved you for a long, long time, my sweet ones, and I will love you forever.
Happy Birthday, My Miracle Princesses!
Love,
Mommy
I remember the day I gave birth to them like it was yesterday. I had gone in to see my high risk OB for a routine doctor's appointment and was told that they would be delivered that day because one appeared to be in trouble. I was so scared! When the doctor stepped out to call my regular OB to inform him that I needed to be delivered ASAP, I frantically called my husband at work to tell him to get there quickly.
Within an hour, I was given an epidural and was in the operating room. Greg barely made it and changed into scrubs. I had seen countless episodes of the birthing shows on Discovery Health and knew what the surgery would entail, and I remember wanting to see it through the mirror, although I figured Greg would have objected. (Of course, later, he got to stand up and see it and I missed it all. I felt so cheated!
Anyway, Dr. Martin took out Baby A (Lia). He quickly held her up over the sheet for me to see before passing her off to one of the two NICU teams waiting to work on our preemies. Man, she was tiny! How could she possibly have been the larger twin? There had to have been some sort of mistake! That was all I could think about. Next, Tootie was taken out, but Dr. Martin didn't hold her up. He just immediately handed her off and they went to work. Baby B was the one who had been in trouble on the ultrasound! I didn't know what was wrong, but I figured it had to be something since they didn't let me see her. I heard faint cries that sounded so far off into the distance.
After a few minutes they brought the babies to me to see, but I was too afraid to touch them. I just stared at them, trying to engrave their faces on my heart. I gave them both light kisses before they, and Greg, were whisked away to the NICU and I was, once again, left alone.
A short time later, Greg returned from the NICU and told me the vitals. I couldn't believe it! The high risk OB had estimated Lia to weigh 4lbs, 3oz, but she only really weighed 3lbs, 4oz and was 16 1/2 inches long. He estimated Tootie to be 3lbs, 9oz, but she was the runt of the litter weighing in at 2lbs, 14oz and 16 inches long. Was I ever glad that I had my doctor's appointment that day! They had been in more trouble than anyone really knew.
Miraculously, neither required a respirator. They breathed on their own from the start and stayed in the NICU only to learn to feed from a bottle and grow. They thrived and shattered any of the doctors' expectations. Instead of 6 weeks in the NICU as estimated, they came home together in 20 days tilting the scales at 4lbs, 5oz and 3lbs, 8 oz respectively. (I really think kangaroo care was the key).
When we got home, no one wanted to hold poor little Tootie at first because she was sooo small. She was the feisty one, though, who used to slap the hands of the nurses she didn't like whenever they tried to touch her... yeah, that was at ONE day old! We laughed at her because she kept those fist balled up so tightly as if she were in fight mode all the time! LOL! She also looked a little funny because she was so small that one skull plate sat slightly on top of the other since her head was so little. By the time she was six weeks old, though, it was right! She might've been mean to some of the nurses, but she loved her mama and relaxed so much while resting skin to skin with me for hours at a time. Gosh, how I miss that time!
Lia, on the other hand, was a sweet little cuddler. She would keep this little smile on her face the whole time we did kangaroo care. Who would have known that she'd grow to be so fiercely protective of her little sister (by 4 minutes!)? Who would've known how bossy that sweet little baby would turn out to be! LOL. (Actually, in life, that is known as having LEADERSHIP qualities!)
Over these past four years, I have been so amazed at how smart my girls are in addition to their beauty (obviously!). These little miracles so often reflect the love of God in our lives, and I am eternally thankful for them.
I look forward to seeing the young ladies they will ultimately become. Where will they go to school? What will their careers choices be? Who will they someday marry? What will be their passions in life? I sit awake at night sometimes thinking about them, and other times I tiptoe into their room trying to steal just one more glance, etching just one more memory of them into my brain. I just can't wait to see the plan God has for their lives. Somehow, I know HIS plans for them are big ones.
Girls, you are too young to even read this right now, but know that Mommy loves you. In fact, Mommy loved the hope of you she carried (for twelve years!) until the blessing of you was made manifest. I have loved you for a long, long time, my sweet ones, and I will love you forever.
Happy Birthday, My Miracle Princesses!
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Out Sick
I'm home from work today. I woke up this morning to get ready for work, but I got sick out of the blue. Our TAKS tests are next week, so I definitely didn't want to miss a minute. However, it became very clear that I've picked up a bug of some sort. I won't go into all of the gory details, but it is probably as bad as you can imagine.
My husband and the baby girls have been so sweet, though. Hubby went this morning and did the grocery and household goods shopping for me. He even bought things he is able to cook for dinner so I won't have to bother. The little ones are constantly telling me how much they love me and giving me little hugs. I spend so much time taking care of everyone else that it just seems so foreign to have people take care of me like this.
If tomorrow comes "and the creek don't rise", I will definitely try to make it back to work in the morning, though.
Pray for me!
My husband and the baby girls have been so sweet, though. Hubby went this morning and did the grocery and household goods shopping for me. He even bought things he is able to cook for dinner so I won't have to bother. The little ones are constantly telling me how much they love me and giving me little hugs. I spend so much time taking care of everyone else that it just seems so foreign to have people take care of me like this.
If tomorrow comes "and the creek don't rise", I will definitely try to make it back to work in the morning, though.
Pray for me!
I don't get it...
A guy tried to run my cousin down yesterday. He was on a horse.
Let me repeat that. He was ON. A. HORSE!
No, they were not on a ranch or even in a field. She was getting out of the car to return to her apartment. She doesn't have covered parking and had to park a little ways from her actual unit. Out of nowhere, a guy came charging toward her at full gallop. When she quickly moved out of the way, he turned the horse around and came at her again! It was then that she realized the guy was trying to run her down. She took off running and screaming toward her apartment. She dashed through parked cars and changed direction several times to hold him at bay. Finally, she got to her unit where she beat on the door for her son to open it. It was like something out of a movie from what I hear. The guy, laughing about it, came charging full speed toward her again and jumped the curb and into her breezeway just as her son opened the door. She lives on the first floor and she and her son had to, literally, push the horse's head out of the doorway to get it shut! The police was finally called, but the guy rode off before they got there.
Da hell you say??! She should have shot the guy AND the horse for all of that foolishness and mayhem!
Well, maybe not the horse! But definitely the guy. Definitely!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!
I want to wish you and yours a very Happy Easter. Know that no matter what this life may bring, Jesus is risen. He conquered death, hell, and the grave, and we are able to BE because HE IS!
Never forget this.
I know many people have cooked huge meals, have hidden umpteen Easter eggs, and have filled countless Easter baskets. That's all fine and good as long as you do not lose sight of what Easter really is about. It is about the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Never, never forget this.
(Oh, and if you don't believe, you might want to check back next week, because this week will probably be all about JESUS.)
Friday, April 10, 2009
His Presence!
Today has been an interesting day for me... interesting in a very good way!
First, my darling husband allowed me to sleep in this morning. He knew how tired I have been and keep the little ones at bay so mommy could sleep. When I did finally get up (around 8:00!!!), I fixed breakfast for the (little) girls. While cooking, our eldest, Brittney, came in and asked if she could talk to me.
This was huge!
Over the years, Brittney and I have gone from super close to almost strangers and back again. Some years I'm the greatest, wisest stepmom in the world, and in others, I am the Wicked Witch of the West and Greg and I are the worst parents EVER! Such is the life with a teenager who is now a young adult.
Anyway, she asked to speak with me today! I quickly put the cooking aside and we went into my bedroom to speak in private. She burst into tears and shared with me an issue she'd been dealing with. I couldn't believe it. She again trusted me to be the keeper of her hurts! Inwardly, I thanked God because clearly it was HE who had orchestrated the bridge across what often feels like a chasm between us. Of course, the little ones felt neglected and came into the room to get some mommy attention. I booted them out with the quickness because I was not going to pass up this opportunity to impart some of my pearls of wisdom (I hope!) into her life.
We had a wonderful talk, and I think the advice I gave her helped. My words cannot heal her heart's hurts, but I sure hope they applied some healing salve. In some parts of the conversation, she shared with me some things she told her friends. They were my words I had shared with her years ago! OMG, OMG, OMG! She retained some of the things I had said to her! God showed me in that instant that neither His promises nor words we speak into others' lives, whether good or bad, return void.
At one point, Britt and I started talking about the living room furniture (don't ask me why). I mentioned that her dad wanted some new sofas and she asked for us to give the current sofas to her. I was gripped with panic! I asked if she had found an apartment. After a couple of years of thinking she was old enough to move away from home, I realized that it was I who was not ready for her to leave. Why, she's still a baby. She couldn't possibly be thinking of leaving home. Heck no, she needed to finish school and get a job in her new field first. Oh, and she needs money saved, at least six month's worth, and...
Of course, she quickly assured me that she had not found an apartment. She simply wanted us to cover it with plastic and store it in the garage until that future time came. Bwahahahahaha! Still, I realized that I was not ready for her to leave home. She is still a baby after all. Um, yeah, she IS almost 22. And?
When I told my husband that she wants the sofas, he replied, "No, she can't have the sofas. She deserves more than the family's hand-me-downs. Whenever she decides to move away from home, surely we can afford to get her some new furniture of her own." I couldn't agree more. I can't wait to tell her she can't have the sofas. Knowing that I have a flair for the dramatic, I doubt I'll mention the new furniture until she is ready to move away and I take her to the furniture store with a budget and the freedom to pick what SHE wants.
More about today, though.
I eventually went back to cooking breakfast for the girls. Of course, instead of finishing the breakfast what I had started, Daddy gave them a little cereal while Britt and I were talking. *Insert sigh*
When I set their plates on the table, I walked back into the kitchen. Well, Tootie came in and said, "Mommy, you need to thank Jesus!" Of course, I quickly did. Lia came into the kitchen and repeated the request. After numerous times of them telling me to thank Jesus and me shouting "Thank you, Jesus", they finally sat back down and blessed their food. I was a little bit overwhelmed for a moment because I believe that Jesus, on this Good Friday, wanted to let me know that He is present and that He remembered me.
Lord, I thank you!
First, my darling husband allowed me to sleep in this morning. He knew how tired I have been and keep the little ones at bay so mommy could sleep. When I did finally get up (around 8:00!!!), I fixed breakfast for the (little) girls. While cooking, our eldest, Brittney, came in and asked if she could talk to me.
This was huge!
Over the years, Brittney and I have gone from super close to almost strangers and back again. Some years I'm the greatest, wisest stepmom in the world, and in others, I am the Wicked Witch of the West and Greg and I are the worst parents EVER! Such is the life with a teenager who is now a young adult.
Anyway, she asked to speak with me today! I quickly put the cooking aside and we went into my bedroom to speak in private. She burst into tears and shared with me an issue she'd been dealing with. I couldn't believe it. She again trusted me to be the keeper of her hurts! Inwardly, I thanked God because clearly it was HE who had orchestrated the bridge across what often feels like a chasm between us. Of course, the little ones felt neglected and came into the room to get some mommy attention. I booted them out with the quickness because I was not going to pass up this opportunity to impart some of my pearls of wisdom (I hope!) into her life.
We had a wonderful talk, and I think the advice I gave her helped. My words cannot heal her heart's hurts, but I sure hope they applied some healing salve. In some parts of the conversation, she shared with me some things she told her friends. They were my words I had shared with her years ago! OMG, OMG, OMG! She retained some of the things I had said to her! God showed me in that instant that neither His promises nor words we speak into others' lives, whether good or bad, return void.
At one point, Britt and I started talking about the living room furniture (don't ask me why). I mentioned that her dad wanted some new sofas and she asked for us to give the current sofas to her. I was gripped with panic! I asked if she had found an apartment. After a couple of years of thinking she was old enough to move away from home, I realized that it was I who was not ready for her to leave. Why, she's still a baby. She couldn't possibly be thinking of leaving home. Heck no, she needed to finish school and get a job in her new field first. Oh, and she needs money saved, at least six month's worth, and...
Of course, she quickly assured me that she had not found an apartment. She simply wanted us to cover it with plastic and store it in the garage until that future time came. Bwahahahahaha! Still, I realized that I was not ready for her to leave home. She is still a baby after all. Um, yeah, she IS almost 22. And?
When I told my husband that she wants the sofas, he replied, "No, she can't have the sofas. She deserves more than the family's hand-me-downs. Whenever she decides to move away from home, surely we can afford to get her some new furniture of her own." I couldn't agree more. I can't wait to tell her she can't have the sofas. Knowing that I have a flair for the dramatic, I doubt I'll mention the new furniture until she is ready to move away and I take her to the furniture store with a budget and the freedom to pick what SHE wants.
More about today, though.
I eventually went back to cooking breakfast for the girls. Of course, instead of finishing the breakfast what I had started, Daddy gave them a little cereal while Britt and I were talking. *Insert sigh*
When I set their plates on the table, I walked back into the kitchen. Well, Tootie came in and said, "Mommy, you need to thank Jesus!" Of course, I quickly did. Lia came into the kitchen and repeated the request. After numerous times of them telling me to thank Jesus and me shouting "Thank you, Jesus", they finally sat back down and blessed their food. I was a little bit overwhelmed for a moment because I believe that Jesus, on this Good Friday, wanted to let me know that He is present and that He remembered me.
Lord, I thank you!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
We've Got a Good Kid on Our Hands!
You know how people seem to say just what you need to hear at the exact moment you need to hear it?
Well, that happened to me today. I have been very down about this school year. It has been a pretty trying year, and I am pretty much ready to get it over with so I can go back to the drawing board and start over with another crop of kids.
Yeah, I know it's unusual to hear me talk in such a manner. I know. **sigh**
When I dropped off the girls at the daycare provider's house this morning, she told me to remind her to tell me what one of the coaches had to say about my son. See, one of the coaches at my son's school is her next door neighbor. When we first moved to our current house and told her our son would be transferring, she informed us that one of the coaches lived next door and she would be happy to introduce Ryan to him. Well, as school got closer to starting, she took Ryan and me over to the house-- of course it was when they were having a cookout and ALL of the coaches and their families were there. So, Ryan got the chance to meet everyone in one fell swoop.
Fast forward to today.
She said he went on and on about Ryan and how the coach basically called him the total package-- athletic ability, academic ability, and just and all-around good kid. The coach told her just how rare it was to have an athlete that had all three strong qualities. He also told her that all of Ryan's teachers LOVE him because he is such a great student who works just as hard in class as he does on the field. She said he ended up the conversation talking about the many options Ryan will have for his college education - from big named programs to ivy league colleges.
That made my mother's-heart so proud!
I know that I did not birth Ryan from my womb, but God knows that kid was truly birthed in my heart. I also know that I am not a perfect parent, but hopefully I'm just perfect enough to get him the rest of the way.
I am so proud of my Ryan and of the mark he seems to be making on the world around him. I cannot wait to see just what else God has planned for him.
For right now, though, I am one proud mama.
Well, that happened to me today. I have been very down about this school year. It has been a pretty trying year, and I am pretty much ready to get it over with so I can go back to the drawing board and start over with another crop of kids.
Yeah, I know it's unusual to hear me talk in such a manner. I know. **sigh**
When I dropped off the girls at the daycare provider's house this morning, she told me to remind her to tell me what one of the coaches had to say about my son. See, one of the coaches at my son's school is her next door neighbor. When we first moved to our current house and told her our son would be transferring, she informed us that one of the coaches lived next door and she would be happy to introduce Ryan to him. Well, as school got closer to starting, she took Ryan and me over to the house-- of course it was when they were having a cookout and ALL of the coaches and their families were there. So, Ryan got the chance to meet everyone in one fell swoop.
Fast forward to today.
She said he went on and on about Ryan and how the coach basically called him the total package-- athletic ability, academic ability, and just and all-around good kid. The coach told her just how rare it was to have an athlete that had all three strong qualities. He also told her that all of Ryan's teachers LOVE him because he is such a great student who works just as hard in class as he does on the field. She said he ended up the conversation talking about the many options Ryan will have for his college education - from big named programs to ivy league colleges.
That made my mother's-heart so proud!
I know that I did not birth Ryan from my womb, but God knows that kid was truly birthed in my heart. I also know that I am not a perfect parent, but hopefully I'm just perfect enough to get him the rest of the way.
I am so proud of my Ryan and of the mark he seems to be making on the world around him. I cannot wait to see just what else God has planned for him.
For right now, though, I am one proud mama.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Oh, I forgot to mention...
As you can see, we didn't go down to Houston today. Apparently, Ryan is not really interested in Rice U and didn't want to waste our time going all the way there for Junior Day.
I'm gonna freeze my patooty off!
It's 38 degrees outside and I have to get my butt up and dressed to go to Ryan's track meet today. I hate cold weather, but I love him, so off to the stadium I will go.
**Thinking out loud** I wonder, though, if I could just wait until this afternoon when it's warmer and get there in time to just watch the finals. Do you think he'd notice?
**Thinking out loud** I wonder, though, if I could just wait until this afternoon when it's warmer and get there in time to just watch the finals. Do you think he'd notice?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Update #1
When I got my mammogram, the tech told me that I could expect the results in about 10 days. Sooner, though, if they saw a problem. Well, I got my results in the mail today. I figured it would be for additional testing since this was my baseline and they had nothing else to go on.
Anyway, I got it and they saw no evidence of breast cancer!
One thing is crossed off my list already!
Anyway, I got it and they saw no evidence of breast cancer!
One thing is crossed off my list already!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Get Well Soon!
My partner teacher brought cootie-laced airborne infection to school yesterday. LOL! She is actually pretty sick and now has laryngitis in addition to the rest of the crud she is dealing with. Despite the overwhelming urge to call her and say mean things, knowing she is unable to talk back, I won't. There are two good reasons for this: 1) Nothing good comes from kicking someone when they're down, and 2) She is holding our tickets and parking pass to the Texas Rangers game we'll be attending in a few weeks!
Bwahahahahahaha!!!
Seriously, please get well soon, Tammi! Call me if you need anything.
Oh, and in the words of our dear sweet Quannie-Moe: "Save my spot!" LOL!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Last Day of Spring Break
It's back to work for me tomorrow. Statewide testing in a little over a month.
Is it just me, or did Spring Break feel more like a weekend than a week?
*sigh*
Is it just me, or did Spring Break feel more like a weekend than a week?
*sigh*
One More Thing...
In reference to the previous post, I think I'm going to add a weekly update on my progress in OPERATION ME. I could really use the accountability.
Will you help to keep me straight?
Will you help to keep me straight?
Seeing Me For the First Time in a Long Time
I caught a glimpse of myself getting out of the shower today. Trust me, it is a visual you DO NOT want! I thought, "Did I look this way yesterday?" I was not pleased with what I saw, knowing that I've been too busy and stressed out to really see myself... for a long time.
I went yesterday to get my baseline mammogram done. Yeah, I know I should have had that done when I was 35, but I let life get in the way. The first year, my excuse was the babies. The next couple of years, it was TAKS time and I didn't have time for it. Humph!
Why is it always that way? As women, we tend to put everything and everyone ahead of ourselves, much to our own detriment. I know there have been too many times to count when I have put the needs of my family, my friends, or my job ahead of my own. I don't even know how many times I have been sick as a dog, yet I'd pull myself out of the bed and forge ahead on wobbly legs just so I wouldn't disappoint someone who "needed" me.
Now, here I am struggling with my weight and my blood pressure with my hair standing all over my head wondering how I got to this place. The reality is that I know exactly how I got here. I put life and everything in it first, and I've had nothing left for ME.
But now I'm at a crossroads.
What good to anyone am I if I am dead? Sure, they love me and will miss me for a little while, but they will keep right on living and breathing and doing all the things I like to think they won't be able to do without me.
And what if my mammogram does show a problem? Other than solving the problem with my jacked up hair, how will I be able to take care of my business? I have GOT to get myself together. I look over at my husband and my kids and KNOW that it's something I HAVE to do.
Damn. (I hope that doesn't offend your delicate sensibilities!)
The problem is that I honestly don't even know where to start with fixing all of this. I've spent soooo many years trying to be all things to all people that I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be to myself. I know I have to prioritize, but there's so much that I need to work on right now that I can't even think straight.
There is a lesson here.
Never, never, NEVER allow yourself to be so far at the end of your priority list that you forget to do you. I know it is so hard for women who are wives, mothers, employees, church members, daughters, sisters... The list can be never-ending. But we must, Ladies, be willing to carve out time for ourselves. We must. If not, we wake up one morning, much as I did today, wondering how on earth we let our bodies, our health, our (hair!), our weight, finances... (You get the message; just fill in your own list)... get to a point where we do not recognize them at all.
We are more important than that. I'm more important than that. I just forgot for several long moments who I am and whose I am.
But now I remember.
And I hope you do, too.
So, if you will stand with me, I will make this journey. I really want you with me. And I want to be here, too. Not just for my husband or my kids or my students or my friends, but for me.
Now, where was I? Did I mention my hair is a mess? I'm gonna have to cut it and start over. Yeah.
Y'all pray for me, okay?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
An invitation: Please Read!
A really close family member has a teenage daughter who is pregnant. The daughter just turned 16 and is very happy about it. The family's emotions have run the gamut, everything from shock and outrage to devastation, particularly since the girl admitted that she had indeed chosen to get pregnant so she could have someone to love her.
By all accounts (except hers, I guess), this child has been well-loved her entire life. What was it that could possibly have been missing? How could she possibly feel that bringing a baby into the mix would be the answer?
The girl I'm talking about comes from a good family. So does the boy. They have parents that are active in the church and in the community. The parents-to-be are very plugged in to their church youth groups. The Word has been firmly planted into them. Yet, they are still going to be teen-aged parents. Statistics. What happened here, and how do we address these issues in our community? And when I say our community, please do not think for a minute that I'm talking about race.
Maybe we need to open good, honest, dialogue here so we can address these issues before they crop up in our spheres of influence.
Have you ever been in the situation these two teens are in?
Have you ever felt you were unloved and, therefore, wanted to have a child to fill the void?
If you have been in this situation, was it really a feeling of wanting love or something else?
Knowing what you know now, what do you wish someone had told you as a teenager?
Do you feel the Church has a responsibility to address teen issues and sex in youth groups?
If yes, how do you feel the Church should go about meeting these needs?
Anything else on this issue you're wanting to add?
Feel free to comment on this post (and any of the others) with thoughts you may have on this subject, as I honestly feel we need to get to the bottom of this issue.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Spring Break
I'm a really good teacher. I've said that many times before, I know.
But I am so glad to be on Spring Break.
I love my job. I love my students. I love the smell of a school. I love the cacophony of sounds. I love interacting with my peers. I love wearing the various hats I'm required to wear each day. No two days are the same and I love that about my profession.
Sometimes, though, it is all just too much and I need to get away to refresh and to refill my internal bucket that has to give so much that it often runs empty. I need a break from everything I love about my profession. The kids, the smells, the sounds, the peers, the hats. It. is. all. just. too. much. sometimes. (I probably shouldn't admit that, huh?)
Although quite wonderful, teaching is an increasingly difficult profession to last in. That is, if you really pour your all into it. I know people often hear of teachers who enter the profession lacking basic morals in addition to basic grammatical, spelling, and social skills. But for teachers who pour their hearts and souls into the students entrusted to them, teaching can be physically and emotionally draining. More and more often, students enter our schools lacking social and basic readiness skills. More and more often the parents who send such kids seem to be increasingly detached. As a result, a significant increase in teacher workload occurs. Not only do we teach Little Johnny or Little Lucy to read, write, and do arithmetic (the easy part), but we also end up being the keepers of little souls.
I am still surprised by the number of kids who reach my classroom door desperate for attention and validation and... love. I know part of it is just a natural part of child development. But for some, the need goes far beyond that.
Every year, there seems to be at least one student (some years way more than that) who does not have the basic level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs met. They show up at school the first week wearing the same shirt and pants every day. Or they show up without a lunch or lunch money every day, yet the application for free and reduced lunch is never returned from home. These are the kiddos who show up at school each day without basic materials needed for learning. These are the kids who wake up at 5:00 am so they can get breakfast and clothing ready for their siblings and themselves before seeing those siblings off to school because no adult showed up at home to see about them. These are the kids who are sleepy at school because they fled with their families in the middle of the night from a parent's abusive boyfriend or girlfriend. These are the kids who know their only meals for the day are the breakfast and lunch they will get at school since there is no food at home. These are the kids who take off their socks in class because their teacher looked down and noticed the holes in the dingy socks that reached far above their tattered shoes. These are the kids who may have a parent or family member at home, but they are so lost in their own despondency that they rarely utter a word to their children.
And this is in the suburbs.
Good teachers are the ones who stretch their family's already tight budgets to buy several additional sets of school supplies in anticipation of the students who will inevitably show up without them. Good teachers scour consignment shops as well as major stores during the winter and summer months in search of new or like-new clothing and shoes for the child/ren who show up without appropriate clothing for the seasons. Good teachers devise a plan to send clothes home in the backpacks, an outfit a day, until said child/ren have them all. Good teachers buy hygiene kits ahead of time to meet the needs of the kids who will show up without a bath and with uncombed hair. Good teachers stock up on crackers and trail mix and other non perishable items for students who come to school hungry or will go home to a hungry house. Good teachers have the school counselor on speed dial or email favorites to address any issues that crop up from day to day. Instead of visiting the lounge, many good teachers eat with their kids to keep their fingers on the pulse of the class, making mental notes of the kids who need extra attention.
Good teachers are now the safe place to run for many kids, a sanctuary as it were. By some grace of God, we are endowed with the ability to mix just the right salve to heal bruises to little hearts and bring encouragement to fledgling dreams. What a responsibility.
What an awesome, terrifying, and utterly draining responsibility.
Teaching is a difficult, yet rewarding profession. The course content, though a huge undertaking in and of itself at times, is really the easy part. Being the nurturer of a young person's dreams makes it so much harder and so much more precarious. How does one do it all and have anything left for their families at home? Why would anyone want to enter and remain in such a profession?
Just ask a good teacher and he or she might tell you that seeing a student open wings they never knew they had makes it all worth it. Or maybe it's when you receive a letter from a student telling you that if it were not for you believing in them, they would never have made it. For some, it may be seeing the face of a child the moment he "gets" a concept. No matter what the particular story is, most good teachers will agree that the reward is in knowing that you, in some small way, at some appointed time, made a profound impact on someone else's life.
And that, my friend, is what it is all about.
So please take every opportunity you find to fill up the bucket of a good teacher you know. This can be done through a kind word, a note of encouragement, a simple compliment... The sky really is the limit. The profession needs it, and our children need it, too.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Happy Birthday, Ti!!
Today is my beautiful sister's birthday. I can't believe she is 26 years old already. I still remember her, three years old, chasing my sister Tiffany down the street while yelling Tiffany's nickname (much to her mortification!) for all the world to hear. I also remember her as an eight year old, skinny and all legs, when she came to stay with me in Killeen one summer. I still see her, lying on the floor with headphones on, singing the theme from "The Bodyguard". God, she had the world's worst rendition of Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing"! I'm kidding! LOL!!! Then I think of her as a young woman who moved to a new city to attend art school and, later, acting school, following the dream in her heart.
To me, each of those moments seems like yesterday when they have really been years. Seriously, where has the time gone?
Happy 26th birthday, Tiara! I hope life brings you all the blessings and favor your heart and hands can hold this year and always!
Love,
Nikki
That Darn Insurance Company
We recently had to change insurance companies. For the past nine years, the fam and I had been on hubby's health insurance. I guess I was totally spoiled rotten with the good benefits we enjoyed. Since he was economic victim number 5, 457, 912, we had to get insurance through my job. Wow is all I can say.
Just wow.
The differences are startling. I have no idea how people survive with this so called health insurance. One would think that a public school district would at least add good insurance benefits. Humph!
It looked fine on the surface... but then I actually had to use it this week. No problem because I'm insured, right? Well, I called the insurance company because I noticed my copay amounts were not printed on my card. It turns out that there are no copays. Sounds good, right? WRONG! It is all deductible and coinsurance. So, where I used to pay a $20 or $25 copay and the insurance picked up the rest at 100%, this company had a $350 deductible that had to be paid BEFORE they will pay anything... even for an office visit! After that, I would still have to pay 20%. Now, call me crazy because this may be how it is for most people, but this is not at all what I have grown accustomed to. The really bad part is that, when I need to take Ryan or the girls to the doctor now, I will have to pay a deductible of $350 for EACH of them before the insurance pays anything for them. They do stop the bloodletting at at a cap of $1,050 (three individual copays for a family), but still. I think this whole thing stinks!
Is it just me? Is this what you have had to put up with? Have I just been too spoiled to realize that this is what insurance coverage has been reduced to?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I'm Back!
I've taken a couple of months off to focus on a few things that needed my attention. Now that it's all taken care of, I'm able to focus once again on my blog.
Has that ever happened to you?
Do you ever find yourself at a place in life where you know you have to make some changes, but you don't know where to start? I have been there lately and had begun to feel very overwhelmed. I just had to stop and breathe. Then I pulled it together and kept it moving.
If you ever find yourself in such a place, stop sooner rather than later. Take a deep, cleansing breath, pull yourself together, and keep it moving. You're no good to anyone if you're dead.
Has that ever happened to you?
Do you ever find yourself at a place in life where you know you have to make some changes, but you don't know where to start? I have been there lately and had begun to feel very overwhelmed. I just had to stop and breathe. Then I pulled it together and kept it moving.
If you ever find yourself in such a place, stop sooner rather than later. Take a deep, cleansing breath, pull yourself together, and keep it moving. You're no good to anyone if you're dead.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Better than... and other observations (a rant)
Several things have irritated me today, so I thought on them and decided to speak on them.
First. Why is it that people think that just because children are small, they are stupid? People tend to give children much less credit than they are due. The fact that they may not have the vocabulary to express what they might be thinking or feeling does not preclude their propensity toward such thoughts and feelings. Get a clue.
Second. Children do react to tone of voice, no matter how hard a person tries to veil their particular brand of venom. They do pick up on body language, and they do recognize differences in the way they are treated as compared to other children. (That's a no-brainer!)
Third. I've learned that, in many cases, when people say something is about you, it really is not about you at all. For example, when a person goes around saying that you think you're better than they are when you've had no such thoughts whatsoever, the problem is not about you. For whatever reason, that person feels that you are better than they are. However, that person is not honest enough with him/herself to admit his/her personal insecurities.
Finally. If you approach a person with your latest bright idea and the person you approached is less than impressed, it is not that the person thinks they're better than you. Maybe your idea is just really stupid. If you disagree with their opinion, do not go on to complain to whomever will listen that the person always thinks your ideas are less than stellar. Instead, you should either move on or take your ideas to people who want to hear them and/or agree they are good. I really do not understand the need to constantly seek the approval of someone who thinks you have stupid ideas or make stupid decisions. Without delay, you need to figure out why your self esteem is so low.
That is all.
First. Why is it that people think that just because children are small, they are stupid? People tend to give children much less credit than they are due. The fact that they may not have the vocabulary to express what they might be thinking or feeling does not preclude their propensity toward such thoughts and feelings. Get a clue.
Second. Children do react to tone of voice, no matter how hard a person tries to veil their particular brand of venom. They do pick up on body language, and they do recognize differences in the way they are treated as compared to other children. (That's a no-brainer!)
Third. I've learned that, in many cases, when people say something is about you, it really is not about you at all. For example, when a person goes around saying that you think you're better than they are when you've had no such thoughts whatsoever, the problem is not about you. For whatever reason, that person feels that you are better than they are. However, that person is not honest enough with him/herself to admit his/her personal insecurities.
Finally. If you approach a person with your latest bright idea and the person you approached is less than impressed, it is not that the person thinks they're better than you. Maybe your idea is just really stupid. If you disagree with their opinion, do not go on to complain to whomever will listen that the person always thinks your ideas are less than stellar. Instead, you should either move on or take your ideas to people who want to hear them and/or agree they are good. I really do not understand the need to constantly seek the approval of someone who thinks you have stupid ideas or make stupid decisions. Without delay, you need to figure out why your self esteem is so low.
That is all.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Beginnings
My husband lost his job today.
I came home after having a horrific day at work. Actually, it could have been a worse work day, but it was not a good one just the same. My husband, being the very practical sort, told me he needed to talk to me and then informed me that he had been "let go" today. Let go. Just two days ago, they were told that one site was being shut down and that every person except one at that site would be losing their jobs. His site thought they were safe for a few months at least.
Instead of getting all panicky, I really felt a tremendous sense of peace. I hugged him and told him that I was sorry it happened to him. Then I said, "God never closes one door without opening another, and you didn't like that job anyway."
Where had that come from?
He had worked for the company for almost 9 years, but he did not like it. It was not his passion by any stretch of the imagination. It was just a job, really. A job that he kept because the insurance benefits were very good. They completely covered so many things that many other plans would not dream of covering. It paid for all of the tests and procedures I underwent to finally have my babies. It paid for my high risk prenatal care and biweekly ultrasounds, my long hospital bedrest stay, and the outrageous NICU bill once the girls were born prematurely. It paid for the $1000 each RSV shots the twins got every month after they came home. It also paid for my oral surgery and for my once-a-year designer sunglasses with the polarized lenses. All at 100%. For that, he stayed and I am grateful.
Still, it was just a job. One that was a tremendous blessing at the time when a tremendous blessing was needed; but it was also a place where he was not truly happy and had become a chore to go to.
You see, I think we get so caught up in the business of day-to-day living that we fail to recognize when God has released us from something (or someone!) and moved our blessing somewhere else. There has to be very little worse than that. Now, my man has got to get with God and find where he is really supposed to be.
Instead of dread about how we're going to pay the bills, I feel as if a weight is lifted for some reason. We may have to eventually move into a smaller house or even a condo. That's okay with me. (Besides, when I mentioned this to our son, Ryan, he simply shrugged his shoulders and informed me that he doesn't really like this house anymore since the break-in). We'll have to really tighten our belts and cut out a lot of extras. Okay. We can do that. Maybe we won't be able to go on the trip I've had my eye on. Whatever.
Maybe now my husband can return to school (a dream that he gladly deferred when I voiced my own desire to return to school several years ago). Maybe this is his turn to finally follow his dreams.
The sky is the limit, really. I know the economy is pretty crappy right now. I realize that he might have to find another "job" in the interim. Maybe I'll pick up a private tutoring gig a couple evenings a week or for a couple of hours on Saturdays. The point is that whatever we need to do, WE will do because we're a team. We rise, we fall, we sink, and we swim TOGETHER. That's just how we roll...
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I came home after having a horrific day at work. Actually, it could have been a worse work day, but it was not a good one just the same. My husband, being the very practical sort, told me he needed to talk to me and then informed me that he had been "let go" today. Let go. Just two days ago, they were told that one site was being shut down and that every person except one at that site would be losing their jobs. His site thought they were safe for a few months at least.
Instead of getting all panicky, I really felt a tremendous sense of peace. I hugged him and told him that I was sorry it happened to him. Then I said, "God never closes one door without opening another, and you didn't like that job anyway."
Where had that come from?
He had worked for the company for almost 9 years, but he did not like it. It was not his passion by any stretch of the imagination. It was just a job, really. A job that he kept because the insurance benefits were very good. They completely covered so many things that many other plans would not dream of covering. It paid for all of the tests and procedures I underwent to finally have my babies. It paid for my high risk prenatal care and biweekly ultrasounds, my long hospital bedrest stay, and the outrageous NICU bill once the girls were born prematurely. It paid for the $1000 each RSV shots the twins got every month after they came home. It also paid for my oral surgery and for my once-a-year designer sunglasses with the polarized lenses. All at 100%. For that, he stayed and I am grateful.
Still, it was just a job. One that was a tremendous blessing at the time when a tremendous blessing was needed; but it was also a place where he was not truly happy and had become a chore to go to.
You see, I think we get so caught up in the business of day-to-day living that we fail to recognize when God has released us from something (or someone!) and moved our blessing somewhere else. There has to be very little worse than that. Now, my man has got to get with God and find where he is really supposed to be.
Instead of dread about how we're going to pay the bills, I feel as if a weight is lifted for some reason. We may have to eventually move into a smaller house or even a condo. That's okay with me. (Besides, when I mentioned this to our son, Ryan, he simply shrugged his shoulders and informed me that he doesn't really like this house anymore since the break-in). We'll have to really tighten our belts and cut out a lot of extras. Okay. We can do that. Maybe we won't be able to go on the trip I've had my eye on. Whatever.
Maybe now my husband can return to school (a dream that he gladly deferred when I voiced my own desire to return to school several years ago). Maybe this is his turn to finally follow his dreams.
The sky is the limit, really. I know the economy is pretty crappy right now. I realize that he might have to find another "job" in the interim. Maybe I'll pick up a private tutoring gig a couple evenings a week or for a couple of hours on Saturdays. The point is that whatever we need to do, WE will do because we're a team. We rise, we fall, we sink, and we swim TOGETHER. That's just how we roll...
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Great Blog Finds
After spending far too much time reading some such nonsense on another blog, I decided to make better use of my time online. I visited a few other sites that were on blog rolls of sites I do visit and found some WONDERFUL sites. I found a great assortment of blogs that run the gamut. There is a really good entertainment/gossip site for times when I'm in that mood, and there were some that REALLY made me sit back and exhale. I look forward to engaging in some very thought-provoking discussions on issues of the day and getting to know a little more about some bloggers who are really doing it up in a big way. I feel like a kid a Christmas. I can't wait to see what's next.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Food for thought...
I know lots of people who take great pride in the amount of time they spend creating fabulous meals in their kitchens. Those same people are usually the ones who have the Pottery Barn-type furnishings that I never want to bring my toddler twins around.
Don't get me wrong. I do like nice things and a nice, clean house, and my girls do know how to act when they are out and around other people's things. It's just that I am AFRAID to go to those homes. The furniture doesn't look sit-on-able and there is never anything out of place. Personally, I tend to look a little sideways at a person who has small children and an always impeccable house. Either they are tired and about to fall over from running around picking up things every five minutes, or their children are confined to one room in the house. Either scenario is unnatural, in my opinion.
But I digress.
I know how to cook and actually enjoy it on occasion, but most days it really is just something I have to do because food is a necessity of life. As a result, I do not spent oodles of money collecting sets of fancy dinnerware. Take the set in the picture, for example. It is a simple, inexpensive set of dinnerware that we use on a daily basis. If the girls happen to break a dish, no sweat. I didn't pay much for them in the first place... and dishes like the Hoppin' John pictured above taste just as good when served on them. However, I do have an expensive set that is almost NEVER used and is reserved for "special" occasions.
Silly Rabbit. You thought this post was about cooking and dishes, didn't you?
Here is some food for thought.
Why do we reserve things in life for special occasions? Shouldn't every day that we're alive be a special occasion? Is there ever really a time when the golden flatware is appropriate? Why not use the fine china just because it's a Tuesday? As I resolve to spend more time working on ME this year, I think each of us can benefit from taking a moment and finding that one thing in our lives that we have been reserving for special occasions. Is it the good wine? The platinum cuff links? The diamond earrings Grandma gave you on your wedding day? How about something as simple as time? Life is now. If we're not special to ourselves NOW, then when will the right time be? How can we truly say we live life to the fullest when we're not even willing to treat every day like it's special. Live life now, People, because tomorrow may be too late.
Seriously. Live life now. Start today.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
-Anonymous
Happy New Year
As we usher in 2009, I want to wish you a year better than any you've ever seen. I wish you prosperity, health, peace of mind, and an increase in all areas that concern you. I pray that you are blessed beyond belief, and that you receive everything for which you have been standing in faith.
Love,
Undrea
Love,
Undrea
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